Monthly Archives: September 2012

Danger is my Middle Name

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For some reason, maybe to enhance my experiences and expand my horizons,

I answered a phone call from the man who had been in Jail!

Well, it was a long and interesting conversation. I had thought I had deleted

his information and he would have taken the hint by my blocking his profile

from my dating site. It turns out this makes a good story anyway.

The man, we will call him, Jerry, had spent 18 months in a heavy duty jail.

He apparently got in trouble with the law first for not paying child support

(Boo! Hiss!) and then, later for not paying his taxes which would have gotten

claims the shoes got a lot of attention and then, after being kind of a bully and

confident man, he earned somehow respect. They then transported him back to

his state and they put him in an even “harder” level of imprisonment. He said his

roommate was big and black and took on a few of the ones who hassled him. Still

mentioning the shoes as a problem he says to tell all of the men who may face

prison time to wear flip flops, no one cares about those. Also, getting snacks with his

“money” rather than reaching out to the ones who wanted him to buy them cigarettes

got him into trouble.

Jerry wrote letters to his children, he says, to try to connect with them and their mother.

He also has made amends apparently for a number of years through emails. He does not

see the kids because they live across the country. He is also trying to save money to visit

them. He seemed to think I would understand all of this, but maybe I just don’t mind

listening to his hard luck tales.

The only other scary thing about Jerry is his frequent reference to his Italian

“family.” Also, to a man who is a good friend he needs to stay in touch with

or he could be into more trouble, named Tony. Hope this is his parole officer!

We may become friends. Stranger things have happened. You never know!

Tightly wound

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It may be easy to assess me to be a loosely wound person, maybe a widely spaced

string of colorful beads. I have been repeatedly attracted to the tightly wound kind

of man. Opposites attract doesn’t explain the magnetic force that took me into the

arms and lives of at least two military men.

When I married two Air Force men in a row, my parents were beside themselves.

I am a product of practically socialistic parents with the most pacifistic natures

around. The only times they used to get riled up were to march for peace, to march

for civil rights and for women’s rights. Oh, and the occasional marital spat!

Once those two men were history, why would I even think about another ironing

the uniform shirt, folding the military corners on bedsheets, lining up the shoes

kind of Man??

I don’t know the answer and it has been years since I have taken the time to go to

a counselor. They never really give you the answer, anyway, just make you think

you know it. Then you sit in your car and lose total recall of the answers to any of

your soul searching questions.

Let’s see, there is the nothing but the best products’ man, the no mammals that resemble

stages of humans zoo man, the fisherman with his intricately organized tackle box, the 13

guitars in his carefully displayed music room don’t touch them Bill and the next one in line

is a possible member of the mob. I have to tell you about this one!

I email back and forth with a man who has nicely slicked, perfectly coiffed hair. He

resembles a combination of Michael Douglas in his Wall Street movies and Andy

Garcia in the Godfather movies.

I definitely want to impress this man with a good outfit. Maybe borrowed, since my

wardrobe is a little outdated. We are going to a steakhouse. I have been trying to impress

men with my fairness and my generosity, no meals, just snacks or a home cooked meal

once past the dangerous first few visits. After all, no one would dare attack or kill me with

neighbors so close in my apartment building! But I have been craving meat, a steak possibly

and the offer is made so I am going to do this. Get all ‘dolled up’ and get treated to a nice

meal.

No green appetizers, no bathroom visits with trailing t.p., no mentions of wives or

girlfriends that may resemble Sofia Vergara. We are gently, carefully rolling along into

desserts. I am going to choose something that will not leave any colored teeth, creme

brûlée. He chooses chocolate mousse. During this last portion of the dinner, two glasses of

wine later, I mention that my daughter is dating a man I call “Dennis the menace.”

For some reason, I notice his eyes get a gleam and intensity in them.

Does he recognize the young man’s name? Oh oh, I didn’t say his last name accidentally,

did I  perhaps?

He leans very close to me and in all seriousness, quietly says these words, “Do you

want me to take care of him?”

Wow, now my dating circle has widened, it has become the stuff movies and books are

written about!

I can see it in my head, “The Night I Dated A Member of the Ohio Mob!”

Grocery shopping

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I like to go grocery shopping on dates after I know someone awhile. I enjoy seeing what

their taste buds lead them to buy. I also like to plan menus with dates. It is a nice and

relaxed way to get to know someone in a different setting. It involves less money than

eating out, also allows some brainstorming over the menu first.

We decided on chili, bread, and fruit for dessert.

I have gone out, off and on, with the fisherman. If you have stayed on this blog awhile

and remember my wide variety of dates, it would be amazing. I realize to refer backwards

is sometimes not possible in our busy lives. I just think the whole idea of my “witless

dating” may be to figure out a pattern or a possible pathway to stick to. I have not given

up on the man who pierced my heart way back in early summer with his mentioning

he dates another woman.

We have a shared dating arrangement, but who am I kidding? I would not put up with this

in my teens or the first time I was divorced in my  30’s. This is the truth: I realize the options

are a little limited with men who share my interests and have some of the same goals. I

am willing to “share” a nice man. I have a good friend of over 30 years, Nancy, whose

mother used to date two men, one for casual stuff and the other for formal occasions.

I think that may be my “best option” or until the so-called “right man comes along.”

After all, looking from the outside in, my friend Bill may seem like competition to the

average guy, if he didn’t know the whole history which would be none of his business

unless we were on the subject and we were at a more committed level.

Fisherman Joe, is nice and he is funny. I can laugh and sometimes even be witty and

sarcastic back at him. We banter easily where I have not always done this. I am getting

better because I realize I don’t worry if this is “the one.”

This man is picky, which is kind of funny considering that he is a casual kind of man.

Shopping turns out to be a disaster! He is a name brand shopper, he doesn’t agree with

the ingredients and starts to say we should just buy a premade meal or go out to eat.

All this started when I reached for the first 2 cans of diced tomatoes, both the store’s

brand (unbrand if you are from another country, which means what the grocery sells

that is comparable and often has the EXACT ingredients in it but does not have a

famous name attached to it!)

We had bought some yellow and red peppers and a sweet vidalia onion.  We had bought

the store bakery whole wheat bread, so far so good… Wine took us about 40 minutes but

I caved in and we got a merlot. I honestly don’t know the appropriate kind of wine to

drink with chili but was rooting for a sweeter one, maybe to serve with our dessert fruit.

Let me tell you, we did have chili but we bought the name brand products on his dime,

so to speak. I purchased all the fresh vegetables and fruits. I felt there was a little bit of

old fashioned word next, “macho attitude” but also, I am going to be a little bit silly here,

I don’t think I can get serious, not that that is entering his mind either! with a man who

won’t buy the less expensive canned goods. I save a lot of money that way and truly don’t

taste a difference.

p.s. I do draw the line with any type of canned peas or spinach, gotta have frozen or fresh.

His dramatic, “We have to do this or we won’t be eating chili at your house” stunt though

did not impress me much.

 

Maybe not the best first date location

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It sounded like such a good idea. The man had winked at me online, I responded back,

we were talking about parks to go to. I thought that we could meet in the center of the

city. He thought of the zoo, sounded good to me!

We met at the Bogey Inn (which is where you can run into Jack Nicklaus and other golfers

during the Muirfield Tournament.) It is a cool place for music and atmosphere. We had a

drink and left my car behind, not so smart, Huh?! Didn’t I say I would not go to Mohican

Park to go floating down the river in a bathing suit with a virtual stranger?

Why did I think the Columbus Zoo was a good idea?

Maybe the thought of families and other escape plans were in my mind.

We walked through the gate and found out that Jack Hanna had the baby white tigers

off on his publicity tour. Darn! But I am flexible, unrattled. He did not drop that ball

for at least 8 minutes of walking towards the African/Asian side of the zoo. He seemed

like he was someone who would rant once you got to know him better.

You pass under a road in a tunnel. His complaints were a little bit louder when in that

echoing place. I looked around but there was a kid whining and a young couple looking

like they were in an argument. Just another voice in the multitude!

I stayed calm and was looking forward to my favorite parts of the zoo, the bonobos,

penguins and later, the koalas!

He had us look at all the snakes, amphibians and the turtles. I like turtles, particularly

the pancake ones! Their shell really looks like a tan patterned pancake, sorta like a

warped waffle, too.

Anyway, we are in the apes area, he holds back from the crowd, we are in the gorillas

area, I notice a pattern, he is looking absent mindedly at his watch, then the antics

of the gorillas eating fruit.

I like their silly playful natures.

When we get to the bonobos, there are a couple of young ones in the area, one is touching

the face of another.

I said to the guy, “Looks like they could use a mirror so they would realize, hey, I look

like you!”

Maybe not the most original thought, but his reply is dismissive, “Yeah, maybe they

would realize they weren’t very cute.” Hmmmm.

We go off to another area and his face lights up at the leopard, beautiful and majestic.

It is a young one, I love it, too.

He says, “I know you haven’t seen my apartment, but I have pillows on a black

leather couch that are like a giraffe and leopard.” I say that is so cool, that I had a brown

corduroy sofa that was decorated with safari prints in my basement.

I think we may have a shred of common thoughts.

I ignore the past comments and negative opinions, maybe apes, etc. aren’t everyone’s thing.

Maybe he will someday share with me a story that he was haunted by nightmares after

seeing “Planet of the Apes!” LOL

When we part, it  has turned out to be an okay day. I am pleased and say, “I hope to hear

from you soon.”

We will see. I will call him the ‘one who didn’t like the zoo much guy.’

An Honor and Surprise!

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I suppose I should learn how to be able to present my blog in a more mature, festive way!

I am so pleased, honored and surprised that I was nominated for the One Lovely Blogger Award!

Thank you so much!

http://sassandbalderdash.files.wordpress.com/2012/09/one-lovely-blog1.jpg?w=227&h=270&h=270

Please note that the blogger who nominated me is writing The Jenny Mac Book Blog. I am following Chelsea

Brown19 and you should look her up. Today’s very amusing reading was about her cutting her bangs. Her picture is

so young, fresh and cute! I think you all will remember some haircut scares and successes.

This is my list of  nominees for their own special One Lovely Blogger Award! TA DAA! There are rules

to follow, like list your favorite top 15 blogs and please list seven things we don’t know about you!

Please check out the AWESOME following list (I have them on the list of blogs I follow):

1. D’s  thought -provoking http://onestillbreathing.wordpress.com/ and get so much out of it!

2. Witty and clever, http://40isthenew13.wordpress.com/ I think she’s the next Jean Kerr.

3. Eyoalha Baker’s http://jumpforjoyphotoproject.wordpress.com/

4. Wyrd Smythe’s http://logosconcarne.wordpress.com/

5. Tosha, Ali, Kyla, and Bryce’s http://onceamonth4ladies.com

6. Poet http://asoulwalker.wordpress.com/ A Soul’s Walk is deep and heartfelt.

7. http://ditchthemarriage.wordpress.com/ “(Young and Divorced… Fumbling Back Towards Fabulous One Day at a Time)

8. English writer, Sarah-Jane’s http:// ginandtulips.wordpress.com/

9.http://goshthisdivorce.wordpress.com/ lets us in on something very personal.

1o.http://lessonsfromtheendofamarriage.wordpress.com/has written a book!

11.http://quiestinliteras.wordpress.com/posted by M R Graham.

12.http://1000singledays.com/ and love the baby in the box story!

13.http://analyfe.wordpress.com/ and see what she sees outside her window.

14.http://threelittlewildflowers.com/ and beautiful photos abound.

15.http:cassiebehle.wordpress.com/ mixes art, words and stories.

Here are seven items about myself you may or may not have discovered:

1. I played the clarinet from fourth grade until senior year in high school.

2. My favorite junk foods are: cream filled maple iced long johns, crunchy Cheeto’s,  and a turtle ice cream

sundae.

3. I like to read mysteries, detective stories, and romance novels.

4. I love to play Boggle and when I do play with my brother, we cannot stop!

5.  I have a guilty pleasure t.v. show, “Revenge.”

6.  I watch like millions of others, “American Idol.” I still love David Cook, Daughtry and Philip Phillips.

7.  I use pen and ink to draw pictures of historical homes, make baby pictures and fill in with water color paints.

Thank you again for reading my  blog!

love found in a video store

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This is a deceptive title, since it was me finding a man for my best friend.

And, yes, it “took.” How in the world this happens when I am able to find

a complete stranger and get two people together, a year later marry, two

years later, they build a house and next year, 2013,it will be twenty years

happily ever after!

So, to start with, I was engaged so I was not looking for myself. Just my best

friend. I would find a man very nicely chatting in the grocery line, find out he

was taken. I would find a man in line at the cleaners’ and he would be gay.

I found a man choosing a bottle of wine at World Market and we had the

best conversation, I mention I am trying to find a man for a friend, a fellow

teacher, a sweet petite blonde woman. He is looking for a runner and biker

woman. I ask, “Do you like tandems, mountain bikes or ?” It turns out he

meant a motorcycle mama. He literally likes bigger women who rides Harleys.

Not my best friend’s type either.

I am at a video store, it is 1993, and I am finally engaged, mother of three

children. (My husband to be, who was the unlucky thirteen years of control

freak man.) This man in line is dark haired, “cute”, and is talking to an

older woman, he calls her “Rose.” He says (the gist of conversation) that he

has been looking for a woman to love, love his two kids, who would not be a

bar person, who is friendly and outgoing. He says to Rose that he enjoyed the

last camping trip with his son and her son. She says her husband, Joe, also

enjoyed it.

I look closely at him, memorize his face and then after studying the back of her

head, she turns and I recognize her. This is how it goes, I call my best friend at

the time, Lori, and say, “Do you remember when we went to see Sha Na Na at

the Delaware County fair a couple years back?” She answers, “Yeah, sure, we went

with about five other women.” I ask, “Do you remember a woman named Rose?”

She answers, “Yeah, she was with Mary Jo,” and gives me her phone number.

Before I hang up, I tell her I met my other friend, Jenny’s future husband.

Lori (who is just like me, a single mom with 3 kids, and engaged to be married)

says, “Oh, that is so exciting! Let me know how it works out!”

I call Mary Jo and tell her the whole story and she is so excited. Her son is in

Boy Scouts with this man’s son and she says, “Dave is soo nice!” I am very

encouraged by my assessment (o.k. so I am much better match-making than

running my own life!) She proceeds to give me Rose’s phone number and

although it is now ten o’clock at night, she says to please call her if I get Dave’s

phone number. She also wished she had it so I could get right to the talking to

the man part for my friend, Jenny.

I get Rose on the phone and she is so happy. “Yes, that was me in the video store,

yes, that man is a very nice man.” Although she is very excited about the future

arrangements, she is a little hesitant to give out his phone number. I repeat, “Do

you remember when we went to the Sha Na Na concert awhile back and I was with

Lori? You can verify that I am friends with Lori and by proximity and the way women

bond during an oldies concert, we are all friends.” She gives me Dave’s phone number

and I go to bed happy.

The next evening I give this man a phone call and I ask if I could give her his phone

number. He says, “I would like to call her and it is worth a shot to meet the right

person.” I quickly call Jenny and keep her line busy for a half hour, first telling her

about Dave and Rose in the video store. Then, trying to give her a pep talk. You have

to know we were on a singles video site for about a year when I met my last husband

at church. So much for the wasted $600! She said, “Oh, it is worth a shot!”

This part is a little unbelievable but you have to trust me, I cannot make up this stuff!

On my Wedding Day, 1993, I am wearing my dress and taking out my rollers and my

friend, Jenny is on the phone. My Mom and Dad are watching my three kids and my

fiance’s three kids (yeah, the Brady Bunch!) and I take off out the door, saying I will

be back in a minute. I am walking to the Delaware Arts Festival and going to point

out to my friend who is the man she has been talking to on the phone off and on

for a month! “There is Dave, he is in the Lion’s Club booth serving sandwiches, fries,

or drinks.” She takes a look at him, I hold my breath, she turns to me and says,

“Thank you, Robin!” One year after I marry, she marries almost to the day! She is

the stepmom for a boy and a girl. They are still together. I am not with my last

husband but that is not a happy story so concentrate on the miracle of listening

in and how butting into people’s lives becomes one!

Ways to Be Dishonest

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I am learning how people can be dishonest. Whereas, all my life, people have felt I was an

open book, I am finding out several ways to lead a double life.

I have found out if you have a landline, you can pass out that phone number and never have

the other one, your cell phone available.

You can have a day job and tell people where you work, then say you do jobs on the “side.”

Then, whenever you feel you want to be somewhere else, you can say you are at the store

and buying products to use at the second job. You can also say you are busy at the other job

wherever it may be, and then take off with someone else.

You have maybe heard of a documentary about a man who was married and led two separate

lives, with two families and wondered, “Couldn’t that woman/wife tell she was not the only

woman in his life?”  Didn’t she wonder of all the times he didn’t answer the phone?

Another way to fool a person, (it could be a man, look at the movie “Up in the Air”, sorry movie

spoiler alert!) is to tell the person that you are seeing that THEY are the reason the relationship

is not working. When someone is throwing the blame your way, and you are blameless, start

worrying. They are trying to throw you off their trail!

When work hours suddenly change or shifts are not the same as before. When you call and there

is no answer where the person is supposed to be, even if there is a plausible excuse, start worrying.

I hate to throw a bunch of negatives out there, I have lived and learned more than you can imagine

in the way of dishonesty. This adventure is full of trepidation, putting oneself out there, so to speak,

is a big adventure but also a little bit scary. I have probably said these words somewhere, “when you

step off that ledge, my friend, …” Oh, that is a song, the words seemed very familiar to me somehow!

Anyway, I hate those words, “She is just a friend!” Sometimes the person is a friend, sometimes that

friend wants more and is willing to hang in there until the other person becomes aware of her/him.

That is all on the ways to be dishonest right now, but most of all, be honest with oneself. That will carry

you through all the stuff you face every day.