Monthly Archives: November 2012

Adults at a Little Girl’s #4 Birthday Party (rated PG 13)

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This is strange but my darling granddaughter had a wonderful

fourth birthday party. Her father had baked potatoes (rolled in

butter and then sprinkled with sea salt) with all the fixings.

(Sour cream, cheese, chives, bacon bits…Yummy!) He also

had made chili and hot dogs. His wife had made homemade

baked three cheese macaroni and cheese. People were putting

different combinations together. They had set up a bonfire in

the back yard for after the little ones wore themselves out with

balloons and party blowers. While these kids were running

around the guys were gathered out by the fire, the women

were all sitting on the sofa and love seat.

I brought up my recent blogging about Jill, my coworker and

almost in a collective sigh, these women opened up. One

started (not my opinion so don’t get mad!) by saying, “Men

are pond scum!” She is married and has a little girl named

Hailey who is almost as cute as my granddaughter! They are

good friends. Without mentioning much details that would

embarrass the poor woman, she did tell us she had found her

husband often covering up the fact he is online in a singles’

only chatroom. This made us groan and also, give sympathetic

comments.

Then, to my horrors, another woman tells us her husband had

been checking out some porn sites and not too responsive to her.

She complained he used to sit by her while watching t.v. after her

kids were asleep, now he is in the office on his computer with the

door closed.

Last person to comment on this subject mentioned a coworker calling

and that was not too cool because her husband seemed rather happy

to hear the voice and was joking a lot with the person. When asked

about it, he responded by telling her the woman’s name and saying

they were “buddies at work.” Hmmm… sorry, ever suspicious!

When this kept up a bit, my daughter said, “Well, this is not so upsetting

but worries me, I have a single female neighbor who seems to be looking

out her window to see when my fiancé comes home and then seems to

have more than a couple times so far, things she cannot reach or do for

herself. I want to tell her, “Back off, woman!”

The youngest woman in the room, going to college and also, waiting tables

nodded her head.  She followed with a strong, “You go, girl! I would not

give that woman my man more than once without going over while he was

gone and talking to her. I would tell her how hard it was for you as a single

mother but you found ways to fix things by yourself. And offer her your step

stool, for Pete’s sake!”

This young woman says she had started to be the “shoulder to cry on”

for a couple of men lately. She has made an independent move by saying to

some of them, “Hey, I am not your counselor, I have no experience nor course

work that makes me an expert.” She said the last 2 boyfriends had told her all

about their exes and pretty soon, they took off with a fresh start (who she

assumes did not listen to their getting over the last girl’s blues!)

It was woman power at its finest, in the midst of kids running in and needing

their noses wipes and a diaper changed on a toddler. I did not need to pitch in

my opinion, taking a page from the youngest, “I’m not a counselor nor do I have

the coursework to give me any authority to answer or suggest solutions!”

 

Late Night with Mom

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I brought my grandson, Micah, aged 3 and 1/2 to visit

my Mom. She is so excited that we came. (Even with all

her persuasive words saying we didn’t “have to” come

on the phone before our trip north to the lake.)

Her little dog, part Shitzhu (how do you spell that?)  is

hiding under the chair where Mom is sitting sipping on

a coffee.

Mom immediately jumps up and runs to the door, dog,

Nicki trailing reluctantly forward. Micah is happy because

he knows this is where elves or magic happens. Mom gets

out cookies, chocolate chip, peanut butter and vanilla with

cinnamon sprinkled on top. She offers pop, milk or juice.

Micah does not take advantage of the pop offer and chooses

wisely, “Milk, please!” While Micah calls me “Nana” like my

other 5 grandkids, he like the others calls my Mom, “Great

Grammie O.”

We settle down with cookies, Mom finishes her coffee and once

again is up on her feet. She gets a bottle of Sangria and a bottle

of Lambrusco out. “Which are we going to have for our nightcap?”

I choose Sangria and she gets little juice glasses out and pours

two.  She says our ritual toast, since her years of teaching high

school Spanish, “Salud, pesetas y amor! Y tiempo a gustarlos!”

(To health, money and love, and time to enjoy/spend them!)

Micah asks if he can go out on the little balcony and since the

temperature has been wonderful this pleasant Wed. night before

Thanksgiving, we say, “Sure!”

I ask him if he will sing “Happy Birthday dear Grammie” with me.

He also says, “Sure!”

My Mom tells Micah in Spanish it is “Feliz Cumpleanos.” (I don’t

know how to put a tilda over the “n” sorry my Hispanic readers!)

My Mom likes her new poinsettia front door mat, her royal blue

quilted jacket and her two signs given, “Joy” and “Peace.” I knew

she was feeling a bit down having less decorations this year. I

will bring her back later next month a ceramic Christmas lighthouse

that she used to plug in at her lake house.

While Micah is playing back and forth, in and out sliding the glass

door and looking out at the sights off the balcony, Mom and I play

catch up with the news. Marley’s going to be 4 on November 25th!

Carrie’s got the place for the wedding reception planned! She is

working on her invitations. It will come quickly! (Feb. 2, 2013)

Mom asks how her wedding dress, a beautiful handmade by herself,

silver satin with embroidered flowers on it, Juliet style sleeves (points

on the wrists) and ankle length. She wore it on Feb. 5, 1955 on her

wedding day. I will wear it to walk my oldest daughter (32) up the

aisle and “give her away.”

We discuss the fact that her Dad doesn’t approve of my daughter’s

fiance’. We hope he will come around and maybe even join me in

the front of the church to give her away.

The dog, Nicki, comes out to wag her tail and join our “girl talk.”

She is afraid of her own shadow, let alone little boys. Micah would

not hurt her but she suspects him anyway. Mom grabs her up to sit

on her lap. She says Nicki is her best friend and is such a comfort.

I remind her by asking about her table mates, “How are your friends

at the dinner table?” Mom gives me the latest scoop, who is well,

who has been ill or depressed, and the “mean man who sits behind

us and bosses the sweet young servers.” This is a unifying subject

the times I have sat with the ladies.

Micah comes in and Mom hops up and takes Micah’s hand, to

the refrigerator to show him she has flavored applesauce, yogurt

cups and opens the freezer to also ask him would he like ice cream?

He looks up at her and asks, “Do you have candy?”

Out comes a big bowl that could serve about 50 trick or treaters! He

chooses packs of gummy life savers and M & M’s. He sits with us on

the sofa, I find the movie, “Bolt” on the television. He is excited and

we continue to talk until 11 p.m. and I ask if instead of a midnight

walk with Nicki if we could go earlier? She is fine with that. We will

stop over and pick her up to go to my brother and sister in law’s

house almost across the street. We will be sleeping and helping get

the meal started tomorrow!

Tying up a bunch of loose ends…

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I hope that you won’t mind this! It won’t have bullets or  use power

point but my post today will zoom through a few things my friends

have asked me to fill in the information or more details about!!

Tom is a nice man who is busy with his family, children and grand

children. He is going to keep me in mind for a night “on the town,”

in his own words. Sometime before the end of the year, he says!

As far as my friend Joe is concerned we are going to stay friends who

may not meet again until it is warmer, go for a walk or go fishing. He

hates the cold weather and is not in the mood to eat out, have coffee

or try to play cards. He says his sister Theresa, “Terry” is missing me

but she lives almost 45 minutes south of here so I may not see her for

awhile either. I got my photo album together and sent a few spare pics

to the both of them.

The man who went to prison, what a character, I wish I could really

write a book because Jerry may have a potential best seller with all of his

crazy  antics and scary stories! It would be a spellbinding movie, too! He

wants to take me to an Italian restaurant in southern Columbus

in our own “little Italy” which is called Italian Village. I may go! After

all, I have a car, we can meet in a public place and it is always nice to

know someone with his skills, if you remember what I wrote! Ha ha!

Bill is still trying to make a relationship work with the biker chick. He

had a nice time taking her for a hike before it got cold. He also took her to

Red Lobster, which I am jealous about, we used to go there! Just kidding!

I am hoping she will be on her good behavior since their one problem was

that when out in a local bar, she seems to know everyone! He also said he

doesn’t like to drink, it makes him dizzy. This is due to his taking high doses

of painkillers for his back. He says he is “Mary’s flavor of the month!” And

Mary texts him all the time which makes him think she likes him. More later…

Jill is still unsure and insecure of her man she is interested in. She comes in with

her concerns and we debate and analyze them over our 2 breaks and lunch, unless

another subject comes up. From time to time, I bring up my variety show of men and

that also amuses the 2 men under 30 plus 3 women my age. We sit at a table with 6

chairs. Jill’s latest concern was that her man looked her right in the eye and said he

had not seen a woman named Pam. That very week, Jill got on his email that he did

not close and looked at the emails in the trash. There was one which Pam had sent

her guy and it said, “Thank you for coming over and fixing my window. Also, for

noticing my hair and complimenting me on it.” Now, here was our debate subject: Does

Jill confess she read this note? Does Jill give up the man who may just be helpful?

Does Jill continue to distrust him although the note did not indicate any hanky panky?

A long while ago, I wrote about a man named Gary who worked at a local paper. I had

asked him to check out my friend who was going to have a table at our local seasonal

street market. She was selling pillows and ornaments for money to help her daughter

stuck in Africa, waiting for magistrates to approve her adoption of  a 4 year old boy.

Gary was the one who did not think she looked like his kind of woman and I had

written him off as a friend from the online dating. It upset me that he did not engage

her in conversation, just judged her by her “cover.” She has the sweetest personality

and a charming voice, nice clothes, pretty hair and eyes, she is attractive. I asked my

daughter and someone else I know who knows her, all agreed she would be neat to

date. Anyway, Gary is a sports nut and maybe that would not have worked. But I did

email him about my trips to the lake, he is also from Lake Erie and loves the islands,

wineries, and other sights. We may patch a friendship back out of that matchmaking

disaster yet!

Those seem to be the subjects that are asked about while I am online or  blogging. I hope

you will let me know if there is a story you liked and want to know the ending or what’s

happening! Thanks for your patience!

Quick phone conversation with Mom

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I am already amused when my Mom calls me, somehow within ten

minutes of walking in the door from my first meeting with Tom.

She immediately begins telling me not to come if it should become stormy

or snowing out tomorrow (Wed. after work). I ask her how the weather

up on Lake Erie has been?

Mom replies, “It has been windy and cold!” I mention today it was supposed

to be warmer and up to 60 degrees but it did not feel that warm. She says that

she cannot find a couple of her winter coats in her “new” closets. We moved

her into a senior living apt. where she is fairly well supervised but able to

have her dog, Nicki. I tell her that I will help look around in the storage tubs.

She then worries out loud, “If you are coming up the highway, it will be bumper

to bumper traffic all the way to Cleveland.” Then adds, “You don’t have to come

up if the traffic is too busy.”

This is some of the usual conversations with Mom before I travel. She worries

about an accident or weather causing an accident. She doesn’t like to be a

“bother” also, and tries to discourage me from making the 2 and a half hour trip.

I change the subject to tell her what dishes I plan to bring and when I get to pies,

my Mom interrupts and says, “I bought a large pumpkin pie from the cafeteria.”

I ask her how they would sell it when they serve it? She then says, “Well, I asked

to buy it but they gave it to me.” I tell her that I bought pecan and apple streusel

pies plus whipped cream. She is happy to hear there will be 3 pies for 6-7 people

at my brother and his wife’s house. She is like me, a BIG dessert and sweets

lover.

The last subject she brings up is how late we may arrive. I am bringing my 3 year

old grandson, Micah, and we will have some traffic delays traveling. I expect to

get there by 9:00-9:30 p.m. She jumps on the time and makes sure I know her

schedule:  “Don’t forget I walk Nicki at midnight so if I am not in my apartment

come and find me outside!’

I would hope it would not be midnight when I arrive up in Cleveland!

 

Sometimes the character from the Stephanie Plum mystery series who plays her

mother (Grandma Mazur) is conjured up while talking to my mother. She definitely

is a little on the loopy side, like Grandma Mazur! My Mom wears either bright pink

or dark red lipstick to walk the dog, go to eat in the dining area or to go to the grocery

store. She will put her bobby pins in her hair and not take them out all day until she

goes to eat dinner.

I will keep you posted if any funny family stuff comes up!

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone!

Tom Stands Out

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Tom is outgoing and cheerful. We thought the weather would be warmer so didn’t

expect the gray skies. Yet, I was liking the fact that we could sit by the fireplace.

We stood in line and discussed menu items like we had known each other for awhile.

He thought a salad sounded good and I thought a cup of coffee and a bagel with

veggie cream cheese or a Danish sounded good. I see-sawed back and forth, salty

or sweet?

I generally try to go Dutch treat, paying makes me feel a little more independent.

Tom is a gentleman and admitted later, he prefers to be the one who is in charge of

the bill, sometimes liking to order if he knows the restaurants’ specialties. I did not

balk nor argue about those thought processes. I enjoyed my pecan crusted cinnamon

roll and hazelnut coffee in a ceramic mug. I made it my after work snack not dinner.

Tom has grown children and grandchildren that he actively takes a part in their lives.

He plans on going to his daughter’s home for Thanksgiving and he says he brings

snacks like chips and salsa, along with whole wheat dinner rolls. He enjoys being

around the kids and takes some of them to the park in the summer. Tom would like

to have his grandsons play football so he could be in the bleachers cheering them on.

We decided we have some differences in movie tastes, books and genres of interest. He

is a sci-fy follower and nonfiction books, I am more of a detective or crime related book

reader. This also influences our styles of movies. I do like some science fiction movies,

have watched all the Star Wars and Star Trek movies. Liked the remake of Star Trek

with younger actors. He likes vampire movies, like the Twilight ones. I am surprised but

he says his ex-wife and his daughter got him into them.

Tom is relaxed and wearing dress clothes while I am in blue jeans. I am a little bit too

chatty but do ask some questions and learn a few nuggets to put back and re-examine

later this evening.Neither one of us are cracking jokes or too confident. I do not even

think about the fact he described himself as a “former football player” until the last 5

minutes. I mention I really like to hike and he responds he’d rather stroll, preferably

with a coffee in a to go cup for energy. I remark that working long hours like he does

must be difficult. I would need lots of coffee to sustain myself.He says he does drink a

lot but is getting to the age where he feels like acid reflux is becoming a problem.

We don’t speak of breakups nor of types of women/men we have been with, mainly our

focus is if we have enough shared interests to make a second date after Thanksgiving.

We are also discussing that holidays put stress on dating. We agree that it will be best

to make only once a week plans. I rattle off plans: Dec. 8, staying all day with grandkids.

Dec. 15th, I have invited my children to bring their kids to my work Christmas party

with Santa and lunch. I have to work extra days in Dec. to make up for days needed off.

He is super busy with managing his work team. We plan a Friday date with dinner and

no big decisions about where or how long. It may be best not to get to hung up on if we

will extend the date. Our 6:00 Panera date lasted two hours and we both were pleased,

it seemed to me.

Hopefully Tom and I will survive the holidays and our beginning friendship  will continue

on into 2013.

Additional Information about Jill

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As I look back on my last post, I realize that all stories need some

background information and some details I left out may be vital to any

suggestions or comments you might make.

My friend, Jill, is so sweet that she has been in a series of relationships

that tend to go south before too long. She says she tries to stay out of

bed with the men she meets until it appears they have daily contact and

there have been two or three serious comments. She is not a “loose” woman

at all. She is a churchgoing woman who does want to have a regular male

partner and companion.

Jill was very happy that her sand volleyball partner and teammate became

interested in her enough to take her to a family picnic, to a brother’s house

and to a sister’s house. She felt that meeting family meant something more

serious.

The concerns she has: Jill doesn’t want to be a “flavor of the month” or in

this case, “flavor of the season” girl. She doesn’t want to step back, as I

suggested, to become a “friend with benefits.” She wants this relationship to

advance and here is her typical stand still place. She says she doesn’t like to

be the one to start the serious “talk.”

Jill doesn’t think the fact that two women called on a Saturday night leaving

messages is a random act. She didn’t hear a tone that indicated they were

“just friends” in either woman’s voice. Jill is concerned because she only sees

this man over weekends regularly and every once in awhile on weeknights due

to distance and hours they work.

Jill sees what we all see, “Where there is smoke, there is fire.”

Waiting in the Wings

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In theatre talk, waiting in the wings is what the understudies do. They hope that the main

actor/actress that they are under will take sick or lose their voice. Even I, as a minor league

understudy, sent some unkind wishes in the direction of the person playing who I wanted to

play. If only they weren’t there, I could be the one with the spot light on me!

This is going to be a story of a friend of mine who has had it up to here with the two women

who are trying to take her man away from her! I feel so bad for her, because to react in any

adverse way, throw a jealous fit or draw a line in the sand will be the possible loss of a fairly

good relationship she has. My friend, Jill, met this man in pursuit of her active sport life. He

was playing sand volleyball and she enjoyed their verbal bantering over several times of being

in the same place this summer.

Jill thought that once they started dating, eventually going out to nice places, and later still,

ending up in his bed would mean some kind of stability and commitment. She tells us lots of

good things that happen to her, he calls her daily (we at the break room table, all sigh!) and

when she is working, leaves her clever little messages. She says that he buys her little treats,

not concerned about her weight, gives her compliments and has introduced her to a couple

members of his family. But on one of these visits, the man’s sister in law mentions that he

brings over ‘many women’, a ‘real variety ‘ and ‘isn’t it like the cheapest date that a man can

do?’

Jill is puzzled because this seems rather ‘catty’ of said sister in law. But she ignores this faint

little warning sign.

Jill notices the man takes his phone to the bathroom while on dates. He leaves it on the table

to watch if there are calls. He has only answered it a few times, tells her it is his brother or

sister. He never mentions a friend calling. Nor does he tell the person he is talking to that he

is on a date! So, Jill is feeling a little more secure than a brief five months with a man should

leave her. There is a nagging worry but no big problems, no disagreements or concerns.

One night they come in from a long time at a local pub where they played pool until wee hours

of the morning. When she goes into the bathroom to freshen up and prepares to go to bed.

While in there she hears a woman’s voice, she leans into the door and wishes she had a glass

(if that would help her to hear what is going on.) Jill hears a woman laughing on the man’s

home message machine. She hears the woman saying that she hopes he isn’t asleep on the

sofa like he usually says he does on Saturday nights while watching baseball on t.v. After a

beep a second woman’s voice comes loudly out of the machine. Each has identified themselves,

one calling him “sweetie” and the other “sexy babe.” Both separately suggest calling them back

as soon as possible. One voice even says, ‘you know I don’t mind waking up to your voice!’

Jill recounts getting a little bit sick at her stomach.

She turns on the fan in the bathroom, pulls out her toothbrush and brushes her teeth.

She follows with washing up with the washcloth she know is stored under the sink in a neat

pile. Jill is not sure how she feels since she has been out at least 6 Saturdays in a row, along

with a few weeknights, too.

Even though she overheard the comments, there is an indication of a lie or at least the lie of

omission. These women don’t know that Jill exists or even that each other exist. We all

reassure her at lunch while analyzing the whole message machine quandary. First of all,

Jill said nothing. Second of all, she turned on the fan which probably made the man feel

she heard nothing, thus, no explanation was given. Lastly, she climbed into bed with the

man and spent the night thinking, “At least I am here and they are there.”

Doesn’t this sound familiar? It did to my ears, unfortunately reminded me of my first times

I was around the fisherman when I had hoped we would be more than friends. Once I let

go of that hope, we got along much better. I suggested toning down the relationship, taking

it to one date at a time, enjoy his continued calls and realize the other women may not mean

a thing to him!

If this all fails and Jill continues to fret and worry, then Jill needs to approach the subject

of monogamous dating while sleeping with her. If that is what she desires, she needs to let

the man become informed of this. It will not work in the future if honesty doesn’t become an

expectation of Jill’s. What else should we have Jill do or say? Does she ever mention she

overheard his answering machine?

Jill’s gut feels there are two women ‘waiting in the wings’ for her to leave or give up.