Monthly Archives: December 2012

Happy new beginnings

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I am posting today when I thought I might be baking some more cookies. I am

officially out of “holiday food!” I may still bake some Russian tea cakes, which

are like shortbread cookies with pecans and a dusting of powdered sugar. I

have seen the same recipe attributed to Mexican wedding cakes and other

nationalities. I will be taking some along to my son’s house with a shrimp

ring for us to eat with some champagne before he and his wife go out for

awhile locally. I will be taking a nap before I go over to watch the grandkids like

last year. I mentioned my two traditions on one of my last blogs in the comments

section. I allow the 4 kids to stay up and we have a lot of fun. I have them get

their p.j’s on and bring their blankets and pillows downstairs. Last year, the

2 younger ones (now almost 2 and 4) conked out by 10:00 p.m. I think that may

not happen tonight so I have to get rested up and raring to go!

I am prepared to discard my list of last year’s men, except for 3. Seems kind of

harsh. I was asked by a girlfriend to go through my whole list of about 100 men

who had coffee, ice cream, a walk or a talk since April, 2013! Oh my goodness,

the ones who were worth mentioning are there in the archives! I won’t try to

dwell on the past year, try to stay positive about my next year, with or without

a partner in crime! I had higher hopes from online dating but Marcella Rousseau,

writer of “For Your Good Health” on wordpress, recently pointed out some

interest groups and meetup’s for singles,  saying they are the way to go. You may wish

to check out her website for healthy and unusual foods to try. She is very articulate

and a kind follower with good comments!

I think the whole posting an online picture and a short biography doesn’t really reveal

much about myself or the other person. I am going around work lately to the younger

men, humorously asking, “Don’t you have a single or widowed father, uncle or neighbor?”

This is also a good way to meet someone, through another who may have some insight

if they are a stalker type or a normal person! Ha ha! As if we can tell about these things…

I also think that my “sweet post” (a fellow blogger called my post “sweet” about serving,

giving to the community or whatever way you want to get involved) can be a way to

meet someone with a common interest. I appreciate Wyrd Smythe (writer of “Logos con

carne”) and Jennifer S. (writer of “40 is the new 13.”) They gave me such support in their

comments multiple times this year! You should check their blogs for different styles of

writing and theirs have pictures, too!

I have been happy in my personal choices, if only because they allowed me to learn more

about men and get out more. I had spent the past 4 1/2 years with a good male friend (he

was nice enough to accompany me to weddings and functions that are pleasant to have

someone to talk to and have the occasional dance with.) I had a coworker/gym teacher that

surprised me with the “cabana boy” visit to my apartment. In the six years of being on my

own, though, I pretty much stuck to babysitting 0n one weekend night and going out with a

girlfriend to check out multiple settings for single men. This year was fraught with trials and

tribulations but also, a lot of fun! What a way to change the pace!

I found out that there are some strange and interesting characters involved in online dating.

I found out that, although I really like my three male friends, they are not my final “partner.”

I wish it would be as easy as that. But you need a combination of chemistry, friendship, mutual

goals and outlooks. I have such high hopes for romance and companionship in the future!

So, thank you for following or dropping in on my “witless dating after fifty” and I hope to add

new adventures along with some relationship comments and stories about my family and

friends. I have told at least four stories of note that were true romances, over time and space.

I hope you are not too stressed over the “fiscal cliff,” your own relationships, your family and

friends. Keep me in mind if you know of any decent men out there in the Central Ohio area or

who might be interested in relocating! I hope to keep you amused, thinking and commenting!

Second Etiquette Post

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When I wrote  a post “Old Fashioned Gestures Appreciated,” I

thought that would cover most of the information on politeness

on dates and in general, between men and women.

Many times I have started this new post and wanted to talk about

the way times may have changed. There are definitely more open

communication patterns. There are positive changes in shared

meals, costs, and parenting. I am going to mention a definite and

distinctive change in chivalry that I have noticed in my many crazy

dates since Spring, 2012!

Please answer these questions when you are done reading this post:

Is it really a compliment for “people” (in my dating experience, this means

“men”) to stare, ogle or gaze at other women while in my company?

Is this a new trend? Have I been out of the singles’ scene so long that

I am out of touch?

I have heard my girlfriends and table mates ‘weigh in’ on this subject.

There have been ‘defenses’ for this pattern of behavior. ‘The media

bombards us with sexual innuendo and therefore, it just seem okay

to take second looks at women (or men).’

I want to make a side comment, Men you can do whatever you want

while in the privacy of your home, hotel or with someone in your

bedroom. I am not a prude! What I am talking about is public manners,

courtesy, or proper etiquette!

I will now continue my little tantrum or rant by saying that I have been

with at least 3 men recently that have done this not casually but openly!

And worse, still, in my mind, women who were in their twenties and teens!

While in a mall, I was walking with a male friend and he not only stopped

to stare but I was several paces ahead before I had to backtrack and get him.

He was looking at young women on a sofa with their Starbucks’ coffee in

hands, legs crossed, the nylon dark tights on, and boots on. I mentioned

that he had daughters their age! I almost went too far, but in my mind I

said, “Aren’t you a little too old for them?” Also, (again he cannot read

minds, I know this because he laughed and smiled, not caring how it

appeared) I wanted to say “Is that appropriate for a man your age?”

When I talked to my 2 daughters, one is 32 and the other 26, they labeled

the men that do that to them as “pervs” and “kinda creepy.” They said

there are sometimes those ‘kind of guys’ hanging out at bars. “We take

advantage of their staring and ask them to buy us drinks.” (from the 26

year old.)

Anyway, I can think back to the time I was walking around a pool, I

did not have a full figure but could look okay in a bathing suit. I recall

wearing a skirt, shorts or a cover up when I would go to get a snack

from the concession stand. I do remember being in my parents’ back

yard once and a friend of my Dad’s came back to where I was sunbathing

in a bikini. I sat up and talked but the way he looked at me made me reach

for my extra towel and cover up my body. It felt at the time like the way they

describe lewd behavior. If my Dad or brothers had been around I somehow

feel that he would not have been back there leaning on a tree looking at me,

almost through me.

If you are curious about the most recent mall “date” was with Tom, who I had

labeled “nice” and “a possibility.” The other four men shall remain unnamed

since they are not around anymore. I prefer to not have the staring be done

so openly, I prefer to be more of the ‘center’ of that person’s cognitive field;

at least for the time we are together.

There are a couple of African American men who like to talk on breaks with

our group. One overheard our conversation while passing by to get a pop out

of the machine. He told us that his lady would “thump him aside the head” if

he ever does stare or look at another woman too long. He went to ask his

younger friend to come over to see if there was a different take or perspective

on this whole subject. He said a very concise answer, “Relationships go both

ways, and if you are okay with it and the other person is okay with looking,

than that works. But, it can be tricky if there are feelings being hurt or jealousy

involved.”

I will say a couple of reasons that will show it is not just me, that it isn’t

insecurity.

1. We are told at a very young age, “Don’t stare at people!”

2. It is hard to carry on a conversation while someone is looking off at

someone else!

3. It is distracting!

4. It really is rude to do so on a date!!

Isn’t it a shame that the man I still have to say showed the most memorable

gentlemanly behavior is the ex-con mobster who took me out for a nice

Italian dinner?

Do you remember the questions way far back (above)? Would you care

to comment or respond?

Listening to Carols

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We were at my son’s house with (I am not kidding!) 11 kids

under 12 running around, listening to Christmas Carols. We

adults each mentioned our favorites. They are revealing in their

variety and how they fit almost perfectly each person.

I would like to say the one that will inspire me to make a new

resolution: “The Little Drummer Boy” (I especially  like Nat

King Cole singing it.)

Why this song? Because we all have gifts or talents to give.

We all have things that are inside of us that sometimes we

do share, sometimes we hide and sometimes we still need to

discover them.

I think the point of the song is Christian but the way I like it

best to be read in this post is: Whoever or whatever you love,

believe in or seek for serenity let them know by your sharing

your special gifts.

I would like to make this a universal resolution. It might bring

peace, it may bring joy, it would bring Hope surely, it would!

I will meditate or contemplate every day in 2013 how I can be

more giving, more thoughtful, more outside of myself and it

will be amazing how this will take my worries and anxieties

away.

Lastly, I think we all believe that we are good inside, but we

don’t always believe what we can do will make a difference.

My mother was wonderful as a teacher, later a substitute and

a tutor. She was a good neighbor and she is still one of the

sweetest women I have met. But one thing she never envisioned

herself doing was taking her 2 dogs to a nursing home.

She walked into one the year my Dad passed away, 2001, and went

to the front desk, she asked to talk to a social worker. She said, “I

brought my 2 dogs, Cassie and Nicki, with their shots records and

my neighbor’s letter of recommendation. Can I go to visit someone

who misses their dogs? ”

This seems like a very simple idea, but in its most humble way it

was her final gift to her little town she lived in. She doesn’t have

Cassie and Nicki is her companion and her solace in her senior

living apartment. You can come up with a simple way of giving

or paying it forward. I will work on mine this coming year, much

better and more often than before.It would make me so happy if

you would want to share your idea, maybe it will become a way

to inspire others to try something out of their comfort zone…

This reminds me of  a wonderful movie that my mother and I watched

this Christmas holiday. The script was written by a fellow graduate of

my high school in Bay Village, Ohio. His name is Michael Heaton,

he writes a column for the Cleveland Plain Dealer, “Minister of

Culture.” It was first shown on December 2, 2012.

This heartwarming story, titled “The Christmas Heart,” was about

a life that is redeemed by giving. This is the ultimate gift to share.

It is a meaningful reminder of how we all need to be organ donors,

live the best life we can, and care for our neighbors. The writer, Michael

Heaton, had an interesting side note in an article telling about how the

movie was made. The airplane carrying the heart was going to have to

go through a big snow storm. This is an “inside story” and they took

the chance it would snow out where they filmed. No, they had to use

potato flakes! The characters in the Hallmark movie, include famous

actresses Teri Polo and Tess Harper. A teenager’s life is in danger if he

doesn’t receive a heart. Meanwhile a man whose life has gone astray and

made some mistakes, dies. His mother has to decide to give his heart to the

young man who needs it. It has a very exciting paced ending so if you get a

chance to, please watch this! The movie was produced with Michael’s

sister, Patricia Heaton’s help. A family movie with Bay Village roots.

May this coming year be the one you reach farther and touch more.

Happy 2013!!

Friends with or without benefits?

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At my lunch table, my group includes males in their late 20’s early 30’s

and three who are like me, women who are single in varied stages of

relationships.

We decided to tackle the good old “friends with benefits” situation out

there. Many of the younger people, my children went through this stage

also, have been trying on physical relationships with their friends, with

no intention of being serious. Some call it “hooking up.” There are a few

blogs written about the subject or included in their posts. I read them

intently and with much interest and intrigue.

I question how it can happen? I really do! I am always attached to the man

who is with me in bed! But, again, I have told you my “number” which is

considered “low” by my younger friends.

We have decided we have to have a list of rules, even the guys have had their

say and input.

1. Friends who date other people while having sex, must tell all parties involved.

2. Introduce the partner at the time as a boyfriend or girlfriend, no details needed:

Please!

3. Keep the person in mind during the day and consider letting him/her know that

you are thinking about them, even if just to continue flirting.

4. Again, brought up, be upfront and not sneaky nor dishonest about your feelings.

5. If one of you gets serious, watch out! Caution! This can lead to hurt feelings and

possible loss of a good friend or information leaked out to others in your group.

6.  If one of you gets serious, if you are also serious:  Great! It can happen, sex can

lead to a more interesting friendship or a deeper commitment.

7. This can lead to a hard lesson learned if it doesn’t work out, reexamine your

goals and also, your values. If they are not in sync with your partner, maybe

you can salvage the friendship by backing off. Good luck with that!

8.  It would be nice in an ideal world to have a back up friend to take to weddings,

parties, and also have that person share your bed. We had fun trying to figure

this one out.

9.  Almost all movies with this premise turn out to have the couple either break up

or fall in love.

10. Having a good friend of the opposite sex, some of us thought, would mean more

of a brother and sister relationship where the thought of sex with the other is

sickening. We mostly agreed that those friendships can endure a lot more due

to the level it is started. However, what do we know?

Simple First Friday of December

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Tom came by and parked in my apartment complex

parking lot. He was in a jolly good mood, I mentioned

to him. He and I walked to a local restaurant, Amatos,

that serves brick oven baked pizza and other Italian foods.

Tom and I sat by the windows that look out on the town

square.

We were chatting about the lighting of the three story tree

and noticed there were a lot of people milling around

downtown. People were streaming to stores staying open

later on First Friday. I asked if he would mind going over to

Global Village, offering my umbrella for protection from the

scattered rain storms.

Tom asked if I would mind stopping by the local record store.

(Yes, you read that right! We have all forms of music in this

store but it still is called “Pat’s Records.”) He told me that he

has a stereo console that can play records, also cd’s and tapes.

He has finished his basement, he mentioned, so his kids and

grandkids can hang out and play a variety of games. He has

foosball and air hockey. I said that will be a fun time over the

holidays. He replied that he will be going to his daughter’s

house this year and hasn’t decorated his house at all yet, may

not do it.

We also talked about my planned trip to my Mom’s from Dec. 20-

23rd. My brother, the artist, will be hanging out with Mom over

the Christmas Eve and Day. I am excited to have her all to myself.

I told him a little about why and where my mother lives since Spring,

on our telephone calls.

I think that I won’t be having Tom come in to see my apartment and

I was all ready with gifts. We are talking kind of laid back and friendly

but I am also sensing a discomfort. I would not want to have him think

I am putting too much pressure to return a gift or make it seem like we

have become too connected with just our coffee date and phone calls.

We go around the town and enjoy the sights. We come back at 9 p.m.

and watch from a bench across the street the tree being “lit” or turned

on. It is nice and we wish it were snow and not rain drizzling down on

us.

Tom confirms my doubts in his interest by telling me that he is inviting

his friends from work over for New Year’s Eve. I ask if they are his

employees or other managers. We discuss choices in his snacks menu

and he is sounding like chips and dip, tortilla chips and salsa, and

cut up cheese are his choices. He adds that it is a potluck of appetizers

and the guests will bring their own alcohol and a dish, too. I listen

closely but there is not intention of my being invited (too soon, I agree,

mentally.)

Tom gives me a hug at the end of the evening and we part with holiday

best wishes and he adds, “I will call you soon!”

So, as far as New Year’s Eve, may be that I will be going out with a girlfriend

or staying in and watching a red box movie. I will let you know! Hope that

your plans are all falling into place!

The Untamed Man

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This is going to be hard to say but you know that writers do

not always write things in sequence, right? Well, that is why

it will surprise you that I am going to reveal there is another

man in my life. He has been there on the edges of this whole

adventure all along, listening to the dates and the crazy trip

to Florida. He has listened to my evaluations and some of my

hesitations.

I have another confession to make, I have been hiding a big

part of what kind of man I was looking for, because it is an

external decision. I have discarded probably 1200-1450 men

that have winked at me because of their way above average looks!

You will probably think I am crazy but I have to tell you a short

side story.

My second husband would make Pierce Brosnan envious because

he has not aged nor grayed yet. He also has those rugged looks that

make women swoon and some used to give him their phone numbers as

soon as I would leave the room, go to the ladies’ room, or dance with a

friend. He made me realize how unsafe it is to be with a handsome man!

He broke my heart and that is all there needs to be said at this time.

It made me swear off good looking men, so I would delete and not wink

back at any men who looked like they were heartbreaker material!

Anyway, along the way in the spring, I met a nice man who was very

average, so sorry to be blunt. He made me feel comfortable, he made

me laugh, and he didn’t seem to have any agendas or wild past stories

to share about threesomes or such stuff men were actually sharing on

first dates with me!

Here are some quick quotes to remind you of why this is so true and

right to do: “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” “You need to look

inside a person to really know them.” “Beauty is only skin deep.”

My grandma used to say, “Beauty is, as beauty does.”  I am sure there

are a bunch you can rattle off the top of your head, too.

I told a friend who was thinking I had a screw loose because she was

looking over my shoulder as I discarded men after men one night.

I told her, “I want a plain, kind, deep, and good man.”  I know you

should not judge a book by its cover but I just didn’t want to have my

heart broken again by someone who thought he was ‘all that.’

I went on a hunch with this man, a dare, and took a chance that this

man was going to be the “one.” He was (hopefully, in my opinion,)

going to be a faithful and true companion. He would not be a “rambling

man, why don’t you settle down?” kind of man!

I cannot bring myself to tell you his name and cannot think of what I

want to name him now. But I will tell you, unfortunately for me, he did turn

out to be a past philanderer, he also had just come out of (in April) from

a four and a half year relationship with a married woman who had divorced

because of him! Kharma will bite him in the butt, I worried. It might rub off

on me for staying with him off and on again, hoping against hope that he

could be different this time.

As my sister in law just recently told me when I said my second husband

was back in touch (also married and not intending to divorce), “Why would

you want to recycle that mess?” Exactly, this current six month dating situation

was with a divorced man who had just exited a relationship that he had created

havoc in, (oh, I love that commercial with Mayhem in it! makes me think of

him!)

I overheard him talking to a friend, another person who dates him. He calls me a

friend, also. He said when he got off the phone, “She thinks I am gorgeous! She

always uses that word for me! Can you believe it?” I told him I would never describe

him as such.

“Sorry,” I said, “but I think you are like me, attractive as you get to know

you, but not at the movie star level. I would reserve the word gorgeous for those 10

most beautiful people they show in magazines at the close of the year.”

Maybe I wanted to finally sabotage the agonizing months of liking him more that I

could say, listening to him tell me about the big boobs on one woman, the tight butt

on another, and becoming the man who may have been plain on the outside but he

THOUGHT he was hot on the outside! I was saddened to think of all the time I was

hoping that we would give up all the others and date exclusively, he was thinking

how can I get the hottest babe in town to notice me?

Last word on the subject: he will remain the only unnamed man on my post. I was

hoping that the plain man might be grateful and show consideration for a nice woman:

ME!

On a Warm Winter’s Night

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I had an interesting evening on a warm winter’s Monday night. I had not wanted to

divulge my decision to meet before it happened. But I do want you to know that I had

written up a summary that set off a warning light in my friend, Bill’s head. He asked

if he could follow me down to Italian Village last night. He wanted to be on the lookout

for any problems with the man who I call Jerry, who also is the most “dangerous”

date I have been on so far.

Well, of course, I told Bill he could follow me and once he mentioned it, that made me

feel so much more safer! I told him not to come into the restaurant, to bring a book

and sit out in his car as if he were on surveillance of the place for any obvious warning

signs of strange or unlawful behavior happening! This is right up Bill’s alley, so to

speak!

I wore the same dressy winter outfit I did with the man I met at Vito’s sometime before

Spring, 2012. It is one I feel comfortable in, a gray and black herringbone woolen

dress with gray hose and black boots. I was extra careful not to make the same silly

mistakes I did then, (Those are in the just too funny story.) I wore a long gray coat

and a nice cashmere gray patterned scarf. It was a dark and not stormy Monday

night, a strange night that most restaurants are closed!

Once I entered the restaurant, La Trattoria, I saw that Jerry had been looking out the

window at my approach. Hope I did not glance towards Bill’s car, after all, I would not

want to set this man off! He was gracious with compliments and like a true Italian held

my hand and walked me to the table, but he did not kiss my hand nor my lips. We sat in

a nice, dark corner of the barely attended room. There were possibly three tables occupied.

Jerry insisted on ordering wine, although I also ordered tea and water. I had to keep my

head and senses aware. Without too much conversation leading up to it, he inquired

after my youngest daughter who I had apparently worried enough about that he had

leaned in the last time and asked if he should “take care of the young man.” I told him

he was still inexplicably in my daughter’s life and yet, no, there need not be any action

taken to eliminate him. We both laughed! He was not at all offended that I just blurted

those words out!

We had some bread with olive oil infused with Italian spices while I waited on my

eggplant parmesan and he waited on a rare steak with some marinara on the side.

I sipped very carefully the wine. I did start to relax and asked about his business,

which we had talked about it before and laughed, because it is import/export

shipping and what else would you expect from this criminal mind? He says it is

all “above board.” I asked for a few details of what kinds of products he was dealing

with? He did skirt that question and said, “Oh, don’t worry that pretty head of yours.”

(Okay, that was a little weird, maybe he has been watching too many Humphrey

Bogart movies?)

I did tell him, with a smile, that my friend, Bob, had passed away late summer/early

fall. We had talked about Bob’s playing board games at the park and he had said

once on the phone that made him think of his uncles playing bocce ball in the park.

I asked if he had seen any movies and we chatted about a few upcoming ones that

sound good.

Once when he got up to use the rest room, I turned my eyes to watch him as he left

and saw him glance over at 2 men sitting by the window and there seemed to be

a recognition returned look. Maybe I have watched too many mob movies and

definitely thought there might be more connections with the people in the room.

At the end of the meal, Jerry ordered 2 orders of tiramisu and 2 small cups of

espresso. It was a perfect end of the meal. He did hold my hand and held my

eyes in his solemn way.

“Will we ever see each other again?” (Good question…)

“I will definitely talk to you when you call me, let’s play it by ear. The holiday

season is very hard to make plans. I am sure you have family obligations, too.”