Monthly Archives: January 2013

Bizarre, gruesome nightmares vs. Serene dream

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I had such a contrast in the last week of dreams! I guess you

must know I have a wild imagination! But when an ex called

me out of the blue, to tell me that he was very upset about his

nightmare, I stopped to pay attention.

He said he dreamed I was cut up into pieces. That in the dream,

he was called to identify me, somehow. I am not sure why, nor

was he sure why. I would have my children on my cell phone as

my emergency calls.

My ex-boyfriend told me he was unnerved by the way he said I looked.

He said this was the strangest dream because he could recognize my

freckles, my little facial mole and a little constellation of moles above

my knee.

He saw gory details! He said he was horrified.

Yuck!

I did ask him if he read any of my blogs? He said “No.” He also did not

know that I had been out with an ex-convict. It is strange because it had

been a subject recently how dangerous that was to be doing!

I dreamed the next night of a horrible chase scene dream where no

matter where I went there was no one to help me, nowhere to hide!

I ended up, stupidly, in the big Delaware cemetery where there is a

mausoleum. If I were watching this as a movie (at home), I would

be yelling! I would be shouting, “Why are you going there, you idiot!”

I will change to the most serene and peaceful dream I had just last

night! It was involving this ex, who I rarely even talk to anymore.

I saw myself in China, riding in a rickshaw, holding hands with a

man (face never seen). I held his hand and remember looking at the

way his lifelines were on the one side, flipping it over and studying

the dark, thick hair on his wrist and fingers. I looked up when I

heard my name called! There on a tandem bike was my ex, and his

old girlfriend who is Chinese. She was smiling and he was smiling

and waving. Her hair was flowing long, straight and dark almost

hitting him in the face, since he was riding behind her. It brought

me a little tear. Really. It woke me up with its personal, immediacy.

The dream made me feel like his perfect ending and my perfect

ending were intertwined. Our paths crossed an ocean and continents

away to where peace and harmony existed.

I hope this is closer to the truth than the gruesome ending he envisioned

in his dream!

Second Crush

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I moved two suburbs over in Cleveland, Ohio to Bay

Village. I started eighth grade and went to the “new

kids’ party.” I don’t know if registering for school got

me included or what? But, I am to this day grateful that

a neighbor and friend for quite awhile came to walk me

to it. Her name is Peggy B. and her brother ran track and

cross country with my brother, was his “hero” or “idol”

in that area.

As a side comment on Peggy, she settled in Delaware, Ohio

as five other Bay graduates have. I was so excited when she

was 2 of my 3 kids’ biology teacher. I also invited her to my

youngest daughter’s high school graduation where she

talked a long time with each of my brothers.

Anyway, I was not too shy but was not too outgoing. It is

tough starting the year in a smaller middle school. Most

people had been in elementary school together. I was “new

girl” but not at the age where a lot of young men are brave

either.

So, I sat where I was assigned, walked around the school

hoping to be noticed by girls and find some of them to sit

with at lunch. I sat with Peggy for the first week. She was

outgoing and tried to introduce me to people on my road

or in my neighborhood. I did start to meet a few girls I liked

in my favorite subject, English class. I also sat right next to

a boy I liked from the way he was quiet, wore glasses (I did,

too) and his sandy brown, curly hair. His name was Bob L.

but some of his friends, I noticed called him “Bobby.”

As the year went on, I tended to be in other classes by him,

his last name starting with “L” and my last name starting

with “O.”

My trio of new, good friends were Becky, Diane and Lynn. We

all lived fairly close but this town is only about 3 miles by 5 miles

so we all could get on bikes to see each other. On my way to Becky’s

house I could pass Bob’s house. I found this out somehow and went

by on weekends. I also found a neat creek where daisies and other

wild flowers grew. This is a habit I developed, ride my bike down

Lincoln Rd. go to Oviatt, start down his road and go slowly past

and then proceed to the creek. I would lie down or sit down looking

moony at the water, picking the petals off the daisies. Yes, I was a

cornball! I would say, “he loves me, he loves me not…” until I ran

out of petals.

Bob wrote these few words in my middle school yearbook, “Have

fun with Larry. Bob.” I had talked more to the boy who sat in front

of me, Larry, because all of you know this, it was comfortable! He

was NOT my crush!” I was crestfallen when I had passed the book

to him, saw him scribble quickly and pass it back.

This crush went on into high school, we were in band together

and a lot of honors’ classes. He was always sitting close by,

sometimes smiling but never really engaging in any conversation.

When you hear this, you will be sad, it took until I went to high

school, met my sweetheart, married him and attended our fifth

class reunion (1979). Bob L. was talking to me, really talking to

me! How silly I was beaming and flirting while my husband was

over at the bar. My girl scout friend, Elaine S. came up to me, she

and almost all the girls in my class knew how I felt about that guy!

She put her arms around Bob and me. She exclaimed in a loud voice,

“Bobby L. and Robin O. I knew you would end up together! And look

here,” pointing to my little belly in an empire waist silky dress, “there’s

little Bobby, Jr.!”

Here are the painful words I heard that night, quietly spoken, “I wish it

were my baby!”

Sigh! Really! Yes, my youngest brother has confirmed this by saying,

“What is said around a boy scout campfire is never to be divulged

to your sister, even if it is that her crush likes her!”

 

First Crush

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I had two major crushes in my younger years.

The first was between 4th grade and 6th grade.

I think that my friend, Sandy, who now lives in New

Jersey, also had a crush on this young man. Maybe

my friend, Susan, who we lost touch with each other

long ago, had one on this boy, too.

His name was Todd C. and he was Italian and very

cute. We also liked Rick M. who was blonde and blue

eyed so just don’t think we had a ‘type!’

A sad thing happened in our elementary years, when

Todd’s mother died while running around the block.

She had an embolism, a stroke or a heart attack. At this

age, now, we would know what happened but at that age

then, we were shocked! No one’s mother dies!

Todd’s family had my mother, we lived across the street

from them, write and read a eulogy. I remember crying,

thinking, “Nothing is permanent! You can’t count on your

parents living forever!”

Sadly, within a few months Todd C’s father packed up his boys

and moved to (where we heard) Kentucky! Might as well been

to Timbukto! We never, ever expected to hear from or see Todd C.

again. I do remember asking my mother, “Will Mr. C. send us his

address or write us a Christmas card?” Mom replied, “I don’t think

so, dear.”

When I was a sophomore at BGSU (Bowling Green, Ohio) I lived in

a co-ed dorm. I was very happy because my first year I lived in an all

girls’ dorm. You know why I was happy, right?! Anyway, it was out

at the Kreisher Quadrangle (got torn down in 2010, I believe). I had

a knock on my door after dinner one night. My roommate, Brenda S.

was out and about. I was sitting dutifully at my desk, studying some

Earth Science. It would have made more sense had it been Human

Sexuality or Biology or even Psychology….

I heard a tentative knock on the door, followed by a firmer pound on

the door. I knew then it must be one of those pesky boys down the

hall, maybe borrowing my waffle iron. You would not believe how

buying instant  complete pancake mix and owning a waffle iron

could make me a popular young lady! Anyway, it was a nice looking

dark haired man staring at me.

I just looked at him, because I had no clue who he was! He was actually

(he told me later) studying me. He said he “knew it was me” when he saw

me! In a deep voice, he said, “Don’t you recognize me, Robin?” I looked

and in an instant later, really, I knew it was HIM! But I said anyway,

“It can’t be you, because you moved to Kentucky!” He immediately hugged

me and we were so happy to be reunited, Todd C. and Robin O. (‘sitting in

a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then it is

a baby in the carriage!’) those silly words came back to my memory and

also, the silly times we had tried to get the Ouija board to tell us who we

would marry, while we were in elementary school, for Pete’s sake!

Todd C. and I stayed close friends all through college, many times leaning

on each other. I had my parents take him out to eat at the Holiday Inn in

BG, Ohio one time. My mother told him all the memories she could of our

days in Bretton Ridge and how Todd’s mother brought delicious Italian

food to the progressive dinners, how she played Bridge well, how she

would wave while heading out each morning for a run, if my Dad was

pulling out of our driveway. We filled his mind with happy thoughts.

He seemed to love me, for those memories. We could have tried to fall

in love, except that darn Dave that I met my first day of freshman year

in Mc Donald’s. You may be able to find that tucked into one of my posts.

And Dave was a Sigma Phi Epsilon (as my Dad and brother were) and

Todd C. was a Sigma Chi, a big rival of Sig Ep’s.

Wish I knew Todd C’s happy ending! I know mine is still unwritten.

Cardinals send special messages

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I was twenty five years old, a mother of a six month old baby girl

and wife of a bartender. My husband had graduated with a

computer science degree, I had met him as a freshman. We lived

about 2 1/2 hours from my parents in Cleveland and his parents

in Cincinnati. It was a cold, wintry November day when I got the

call.

I was holding my daughter and breastfeeding her, when I had to

rush to get the unhappy call from my mother that said my grandfather

was very ill. She apologized knowing that I was very close to him,

saying she only had enough money to pay for herself and my aunt,

her only sister, to fly West to visit him in Arizona.

I called a few friends, asked my mother- and father-in-law, and finally

went to the bank, desperate to get enough money to go to visit my

Grandpa Mattson. I was going to take my six month old daughter, his

only great grandchild. It was so important that I cried at the bank. We

just didn’t have enough credit to get approved for the loan for the ticket.

I went home and complained to my husband, “Why couldn’t your parents

loan me the money? I could pay them back with our income tax money.”

He called them back and told him that it meant the world to me, that this

man had been a lifeline at times, calm, wise and so loving. He had mailed

me letters once a week while I was at Girl Scout camp, away at college and

lately, while I was homebound with my baby in a new town. (Lancaster, OH)

When I got the arrangements all made, I called the Phoenix hospital that

my grandfather was in. I was connected to his room, Mom answered with

a shaky voice. I heard the tears in her voice, it made me choke with my own

tears. My Mom said the dreaded words, “Your Grandpa just died. Don’t come.”

I was bereft. I took the baby and set her down in her crib. I laid on my own

bed and sobbed. My cries were softening into a sleepy place when I heard the

tapping on the window.

I stopped and listened. This is so unearthly possible, because as I turned

towards the sound, I saw red. It was a flicker of red. I went slowly across the

room, peering out between the curtains at the white wintry branches of a tree.

In that tree was a bright red cardinal. This beautiful bird was opening and

closing his beak. I opened the window a crack to hear the song that is usually

its Spring song. (Two long shrill notes and then five staccato shorter notes.)

The tapping you may think was the branch on the tree bumping against the

window. But  I believe it was a soul coming to me bringing me a message of

love tapped out on the window. The song filled my heart with happiness,

replacing my sorrow.

P.S.

I read not too long after this occurrence about 2 things. The belief in Eastern

religions of incarnation of people’s souls into animal’s/creature’s. And in a

whole different style of literature, Guideposts Magazine, (a 1981 issue, I am

unsure which month) had an article about birds being winged angels carrying

messages to us. Their songs and their cheery appearance can change our blue

days. This cardinal has been a story that has carried over to every move in

my life. The following morning after, I have heard a cardinal’s song. Only

one year, when we moved in November, 1999, there was sleeting rain. I had

not heard the song that gave me reassurance that the move was a “good” one.

I was unpacking a box of my wedding china from that first marriage, Lenox

Interlude, and out of that box, a red feather fluttered out! I ran and told my

sister-in-law, who studies tribes and Native American lore. She was amazed

at the fact I found the red feather and yet, she said, this is the way Mother

Nature might have chosen to pass the message on. When I could not hear the

red bird sing, I could see the red bird feather. It is still in a container on a shelf.

My kick the bucket list

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When I think of my Dad’s last 4 months, I realize we

did very well with his bucket list. He wanted family all

his life, an only child with his own father not being in

his life too much. He wanted laughter, and we had a

“rule” always come home with a joke!

He carried out most of his bucket list all his life and I

was so proud of him! Am so proud of him! He did have

a stroke 4 years before he got ill with cancer and then

he had a chance to do a lot of fun things! We all rode the

tallest roller coaster at Cedar Point. The guys went to see

the Indians play in Detroit. He had already flown in a

plane to look at the metal shavings and remainders of

what he thought were the tracks of alien spacecraft in

Peru. He had been a Boy Scout leader and many young men

remember he sat with them at the fire circle versus the other

parents who would sit on their own and drink a little. He was

the one who made a big sailboat sandbox with 3 sections for

3 kids. He was more…

Hard legacy to live up to, very generous to charities and real

people that he and Mom made joint decisions to help out.

My short bucket list is:

Go to Europe, have seen Spain and Portugal, need to ride the

Eurotrain all over the place!

I would like to make it to California and west of the Grand Canyon.

I have gazed in awe at the Painted Desert, the eastern side of the

G. C. and some great places in New England. Loved my 16th summer

in Rockport, Mass.

I would like to go to Asian countries, New Zealand, Austrailia and

the Galapagos Islands.

I want to ride a train across the country with most or all of my

grandchildren.

Play more,

Enjoy the simple things.

Give more,

Touch peoples’ hearts, minds and lives.

Love more,

Share things with someone special who

really ‘gets me.’ Neither of us wanting to

change each other.

Accepting our differences!

Make a difference in the world, in my own humble way.

Jill (Coworker) and her list

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We have been off and on talking about Jill and

also, with Jill about her Brian. She has some

different complaints from the last man she was

with who had women calling and leaving overly

friendly messages. She would overhear them on

his answering machine. We had higher hopes for

this newer guy.

The first two weeks, he called her every day. He also

would leave her personal voicemails so she could hear

them after work. Brian was attentive. He was taking her

out to dinner 1-2 times every week. They had seen two

movies in two weeks! She picked one, he picked one.

The next two weeks, she recounted daily, he was showing

a lot less attention. He would skip a day, he would also

change his plans with her.  He was asking her to cook,

sometimes without bringing any food to share (or wine

which she had suggested.)

The next month was December. It is a crucial time in

relationships. It is a test on new ones especially.

Here is the list we have compiled about Brian:

No weddings.

No slow dancing.

No restaurants.

No big dogs in homes (her brother has them.)

No small talk to strangers in lines.

No getting to know your neighbors.

He looks at porn sites, his last long relationship

having been with a woman from China. So, to her

dismay, he is now looking at Asian “porn” with

women from China and other Asian countries, or

women who look like they are Asian in the nude!

We have been telling her that she needs to sit down

and talk about her list of dismays.

She also listed that he originally said he loved

movies and restaurants! He liked college football

and when she invited him to one of our coworkers

gatherings for an OSU game, he declined.

Poor Jill, lots of warning signals and red flags!

We told her she has the right to decide how the

relationship goes, that she has to take back some

control. I asked her to read my “doormat” post, too.

Back to the drawing board for her!

Bundled up for walk to movies

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We met at my locked door, he held my hand down the

steps. We both had thick sweaters on, scarves wrapped

around our necks, boots and jeans on. This was going

to be interesting, going to the movies with Jerry.

We had that nice Italian meal back in December, skipped

a lot of the month with simple and short calls.

We were going to see “Les Miserables” at our local movie

theatre that is so beautiful in its renovations but retaining

the gold leaf details on the ornate ceiling. Jerry thought

nothing of going to what some of my coworkers were saying

was a ‘chick flick.’ I think they are funny since there are

‘real men’ in this film! Russell Crowe! Hugh Jackman!

(Why, wolverine is so manly!)

I guess it probably would be stereotyping Jerry but he definitely

says he listened to operas during his growing up years. I had

to ask if he liked other musicals. He said, “Evita,” “West Side

Story,” and “Cats.” I have been a fan of musicals all my life.

I would be excited each Christmas to see “Sound of Music.”

I have been to several Broadway productions in Cleveland,

Columbus and Cincinnati of musicals. My family went one

holiday or other (maybe Fourth of July) to see “Sweeney Todd.”

Another favorite older  two musicals “Brigadoon” and

“Camelot” helped me to believe in special romantic settings.

We were just in the right time frame to use my over 55 card to get

our discounted tickets, medium popcorn and a small drink for

$7.50! Cannot beat that anywhere! I have an extra card in my

wallet for dates or for friends.

We loved the movie! We held hands and we hugged afterwards.

It was very emotional and yet, it has an overall good feeling as

you leave the theatre. True love and deep, abiding faith triumphs.

When someone asked me at work, I used this word on my reply to

someone on my posts: I was ‘riveted!’ It is just so enthralling and

I have to admit comparing it to the stage version would be totally

unfair. It is grander and much more detailed in its production.

The director’s preview let us know that he had each actor sing their

parts “live action” with a piano in their earpieces. They added the

symphonic background but left the raw, simple solos alone. It works!

Jerry has so far, held my hand, hugged me twice and kissed my hand

at that December dinner. We are moving at a very nice and comfortable

pace.  I saw no lurking mafia men, so maybe my wild imagination can

give up all those mob concerns! We will see.