I’m Not Making This Up!

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The crazy thing is, I have written some character studies on three

homeless people around Delaware, Ohio. I have also, tried to use my

imagination and intuitiveness, to dig deeper and build these essays

to include more well-rounded characters. Well, a man who has talked

to me a few times, younger by at least ten years or more had asked

me for my phone number before.

I did not tell him my phone number. I did tell him that he seemed

‘too young’ and I had ‘enough male friends already.’ So he launched

into a lower-voiced, loud whispered ‘tirade’ against women who ‘judge’

him!

Honestly, he looks quite attractive, so that is not my reason for

not handing out my phone number.

Wait a minute! I am not known for being judgmental.

I pointed out, looking anxiously at the librarian to see if our

voices were reaching her ears, in her audible range,

“Women need to be careful about giving details to people they

really don’t know!”

Let’s start at the beginning…

This younger man I met, had introduced himself as Chad a few weeks

ago, at the library. He’s the man I may have mentioned was heading

awhile ago to Roop’s (Roop Brother’s Bar) to sing for Open Mic night.

He had asked me if I would like to join him for a drink and wait

until his turn to sing at Open Mic Night.

I had not taken him up on an offer for a drink. This may or may not

‘ring’ a bell, but since I mention lots of details, I would not expect

you to remember this one man. I liked the way he smelled, (like a

bar of Irish Spring soap!) and he wore a nice pair of blue jeans,

a plaid flannel shirt in greens. He was thin, wiry with dark ‘salt

and pepper’ hair.

I felt a little uncomfortable that time a few weeks ago, as I walked

home. Not afraid he would jump out in the alley behind the library,

but mainly contemplating my motives for not giving my phone number

out or taking him up for a simple drink out. I used to go to that

particular Thursday night regular activity, enjoying the local

musical scene, including Felicia’s friend, Morgan Treni. I spent a

few moments thinking about whether or not I had been judging him.

It could be truthfully, my decision was partly impacted by the

fact that he was also using a computer in the library.

I know, that would be kind of ‘two-faced.’ It did make me stop

and wonder whether or not to get involved.

Mainly, I am not Cher!

I am not Jennifer Lopez!

I cannot afford a younger man, who may be an aspiring singer!

This makes me smile, thinking as my mind wanders off to last

Wednesday’s “Hot in Cleveland,” show. That is a little ‘gem’

which I like to play ‘channel surfing’ with, catching glimpses

of its incredibly funny ‘take’ on older men and women’s love

lives. The bonus part is how there have been so many other

oldies show up to take a role in the show. I enjoyed when the

“Emergency!” show squad showed up, the “CHIPS” guys were in

a Cleveland bar, at the same time the characters were, etc.

Only one other post was on this subject, the one where Wendie

Malick’s character wears a product similarly to Depends.

I laughed last week, when Betty White sashayed into the room,

while the others, Valerie Bertinelli, Jane Leeves and Wendie

Malick were sitting on the sofa and a comfy chair. Her funny

announcement, tickled me:

“I have decided to take a lover!”

The ongoing conversation stopped, of course. Another added

titillating detail was thrown out, in a provocative tone,

“And he is much younger than I am!”

She raised her eyebrow and gave each of the women in the room,

a glance or a wink. Betty White is a professional and knows how

to ‘milk’ a crowd and build great laughs. This show is ‘filmed

in front of a live audience,’ too! They were roaring and hooting,

too!

So, along with being not as rich or flamboyant as Cher or as

incredibly beautiful and hot, like Jennifer, I have to say I am

not as bold and brazen as Betty White’s character is, on that

comedy show! (By the way, if you ever get a chance to see this

show, or wish to know the background on this fantastic cast

with lots of comedic histories for each character, you can look

it up! I used to watch Wendie in “Just Shoot Me,” Jane in “Frasier,”

and Valerie Bertinelli, as a teenager in the show, “One Day at a

Time” and later, in “Touched by an Angel” and movies, too. )

So, I was busily typing and trying to get my May Monthly Calendar

rough draft completed over the weekend. I had plans to pick up

my two grandsons, we had chosen a few titles of movies, were

going to have an egg hunt, along with hiding in the dark later

that evening, using flashlights. I was dressed for the first

destination, after I picked the boys up: Mingo Park.

Chad was sitting next to me, asking me how he could set up

a wordpress account, along with his having heard there was a

website to get money for potential production of musical CD’s.

I really was mad at myself, for being ‘too friendly’ to this

man and also, for my being accessible. I could not get up

and leave my computer, get in line and get a number, since

it was one of the ‘busiest’ computer days: Saturday!

I wrote down the word, “Kickstarter” on my little pad of

paper. Whispered that he could look into this online,

for helping raise money for his CD. Then, I added,

“You could get the website printed on cards to pass out

at Open Mic nights around the city of Delaware, and even

in Columbus.”

Big mistake!

I again, had led him to believe that I cared!

“I cannot keep doing this, Robin,” I thought to myself!

The next thing, was the last straw though. You will not

believe this one!!

Chad leaned over and asked me where my apartment building

was and how much was rent there?

Of course, I got nervous. I have conflicting feelings about

helping people when the situation brings me into a position

where there is a potential for danger. Also, somehow he may

wish to use me as a reference.

I had to look Chad, who is kind of cute for a younger forty

year old man, and say:

“I cannot tell you this. Sorry, Chad!”

He got up, humphed in a tone that was loud enough to catch

the librarian’s attention and gathered his backpack and stuff.

He crumpled up the piece of paper with the word, “Kickstarter”

on it, throwing change and his wallet, along with a notebook

into the backpack.

As I was leaving awhile later, the sympathetic librarian said

to me,

“You know, he is homeless. He lives at Andrews House, in the

homeless loft.”

Of all the luck…

I will try to restrain my overactive guilty conscience and

let this one go!

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45 responses »

  1. Oh, Robin. You did nothing wrong. You were just being a decent human being. It is Chad’s problem, not yours. If he ever approaches you again, get away or alert somebody that you are uncomforable. He proved his colors with his little tirade.

    • Thanks, Elizabeth! I am so glad you think it is okay to say, “No!” I just am so used to be overly friendly, that I feel badly when I am being protective of myself. I know that I shouldn’t be worried, but cannot help ‘airing’ this to get some feedback, too! Smiles, Robin

  2. Hey Robin! I just want you to know that I have never, ever shared my phone number with anyone that I’ve casually met. I don’t feel comfortable with people I don’t know well, and I think a lot of people are like this. There is nothing wrong with what you did. I think it’s what a lot of women would do in that situation. šŸ™‚

    • I guess, to tell you the truth, I sometimes feel rather ‘homeless’ or at least having gone through ‘hard times’ I can relate to wanting to make friends. I think this surfaces to the top, when I said, “No!” The rather guilty feelings of thinking it isn’t really his fault he may have had unfortunate occurrences to bring him to this place. I needed to ask and receive these supportive words, it was a reminder that I still should be careful of people! Thanks, Celeste!

  3. There is nothing wrong with being cautious. You are the one person most responsible for your safety. It isn’t because he is homeless. It isn’t because of anything other than the fact you don’t know him. He has a responsibility for the questions he asks, if they are too personal than he has to deal with the consequences of asking those questions. Maybe if he wanted help he could have asked more appropriate questions of a stranger. Or a barely known acquaintance. Questions about assistance or services or jobs. But to bluntly ask you to give him your personal information, he does not have the right to that information just because he asks. Sorry you felt so bad, I understand that.

    • Thank you so much for taking this time to leave me a well thought out message on this strange occurrence! I guess, I tend to worry how the other person feels more than my own personal rights and safety! I appreciate that you are so kind and supportive of my ‘side’ of things! Take care and hope your rest of the week goes well!

      • šŸ™‚ You make me feel quite wonderful tonight Reochochran. I have taught many self defense and safety classes. I tend to feel like you do, not wanting to offend or hurt someone. But not at the risk of my children’s mother, or my grandchildren’s grandma. We can be kind and generous, and safe. I would like to leave you with one tip, if it feels uncomfortable, TRUST YOU. šŸ™‚ Thank you for the nice words.

      • This is a rather belated reply, Colleen! So sorry, I was rounding back to look at older blog posts, knowing that sometimes I miss comments and there was your very nice one! I like the idea of considering myself my children’s mother and my grandkids’ Nana! I will protect that woman more carefully, with this in mind! Also for the good words, to trust your own intuition! Thanks, Colleen!

      • šŸ˜€ You’re welcome Robin. It’s so easy to overlook a comment. I try to respond to all of mine. Have found some three years old before that somehow got past me.

        šŸ™‚

  4. You did nothing wrong in this situation, Robin. If this man lived in Beverly Hills, you would have handled the situation the same. You went with your gut and erred on the side of caution, that’s what we do to stay safe in this world.
    Oh, how I loved “One Day at a Time” as a teenager. I wanted to be just like Valerie Bertinelli. I’ve never seen “Hot in Cleveland” but my 88 year old aunt watches it and she loves it.
    Enjoy the rest of your week!

    • Thank you, Jill! I am hugging you for the last comments, my friend! We would probably have mirror images of television screens on, if we were neighbors in the ‘old days!’ I liked the way the family functioned and that wacky handyman who was the apt. manager? The mother, Bonnie, was a fine actress that made the situations seem more real. I am so glad to hear your elderly aunt watches that show! I like the continuous guest stars who are famous from their own comedy and dramatic shows!
      I also appreciate your concern and telling me that I am okay with my decision making, in this situation! Hope the rest of the week rolls downhill for you, Jill, and you have a lovely weekend!

  5. I love those old movies, and the remakes, too, just for the ability to compare. Just to see how they are still relevant.

    As for Chad, he wasn’t thinking about your point of view. Nor was he reading your signals. He was in his own head, and that is his issue. If he had thought about your point of view, he would never have asked such intrusive questions. They are impolite. He may not understand or follow the social rules, but you do, and you should not be ashamed. They are there for a reason, to protect you. I would have done just the same, whoever he was.

    Be safe, Brenda

    • I will try to remember that simple, helpful reminder, “Be safe!”
      I am so glad you like to remember those shows and movie references, too! It is fun to see people and sit there, trying to figure out where you saw them before! Since the whole cast of “Hot in Cleveland,” were on some talk show, while we were on break three years ago, promoting their upcoming show, I have watched it, rather faithfully. It is a hoot!
      Take care and thanks, Brenda, my younger sis!

      • Thanks, my big Sis! I watched Il Postino today, and it was great. So beautiful. Poetry, romance and the crashing waves on the Italian coast. Gorgeous!

  6. Personally? I think you are absolutely in the right. Your inner voice, even though it wasn’t screaming distinctly in your ear, was telling you to be careful with this one. Generally, your inner voice does that for a reason. No guilt, okay? The fact that he was so forward is unsettling, and the fact that you were uneasy on the walk home that evening?

    No guilt, ok? He has his own issues, whatever they may be, and they are not because of you, that’s for sure! I’m just glad you listened to your little voice.

    Hugs,

    Julie

    PS…I love Hot in Cleveland, and am going to have to go search up the episode with the Emergency! cast, as I loved that show! šŸ˜‰ Randy Mantooth. Mmmmmm…mmmmmm. Need I say more? šŸ˜‰

    • Oh, and those men aged fairly well! Smiles for the last comment, Julie!
      Hugs for all those special messages you poured out for me to listen to my instincts or as you mentioned, “my inner voice!” I am one who feels that we are all in there, struggling to do the best we can on fixed budgets, so I guess I tend to be overly friendly. But this man, as everyone so kindly emphasized, was ‘out of line!’

      Thanks there, sweetie and hope you (the workaholic) are winding down your week, and have a wonderful weekend, too! Robin

  7. Always, always go with your gut, Robin! It led you where you needed to be, sans guilt!!!! On to the next ….gentlemen! haha I LOVE all those wonderful ladies, as well. I miss Just Shoot Me and Frasier, they were both so funny! xo ~Karen~

    • I am so glad you are saying that I need to ‘go with my gut,’ Karen! I am going to let the guilt go. I do feel he may be an okay guy, just was clueless to social norms. I was hoping that he would just drop it, when I said, “No, thank you,” to the idea of a drink a few weeks ago.
      I liked the older, more famous guy in the role of the boss on “Just Shoot Me” and of course, “Frasier” had a great ensemble group of professionals! I think we need more of the shows which rely on ‘wit’ not silly or raunchy stuff! (Although, from time to time, I still watch those, too!) Thanks again for these thoughtful comments! Smiles, Robin

    • George Segal… I looked up the boss from “Just Shoot Me” and remembered that I liked David Spade in his role as executive secretary or assistant, too! Funny stuff, Karen!

  8. I think that’s why their personalities are just personas and not real people. They wouldn’t be as successful as they are if they were really like the personas they project. Other than J’s hotness haha. Sorry I’m so behind in responding to comments. It’s been a really stressful, chaotic week :(.

    • Oh, so sorry about your stressful week. Hope you, your husband and daughters are all fine and that the terrible weather (and twisters) have not effected you… Take care and thanks for the sweet comments! J’s hotness is so true! Smiles, Robin

  9. You seemed to me to be quite sensible. I would not compare myself to J-Lo or another if I were you, it is unfair to them. he he.

    Some phrases signaling a time to end a conversation with a guy in the library:

    1. Do you want to see my nipples?
    2. Do you like the smell of dog?
    3. Can you hide this apple for me? I want to save it for later when the library is closed.
    4. Do you like the moon? If you do, I could show you a close up.
    5. Do you have change for a hundred? I really need to pay my overdue book fines from last year.

  10. You shouldn’t feel guilty:-) you had no ways of knowing who he was or what his intentions were. No need to be hard on yourself my friend!!!!

    • I did let that one go! He is younger and not really such a good choice for me, at this time. I would have liked to be friends but it is not working out that way! thanks, Willow Marie!

  11. Hi Rio, I’m Kentucky Angel, Mark’s friend. My new site will be up and running tomorrow, I hope. Trying to get my gravatar working again, but it’s getting harder to do each time they block me. Third time is charmed I hope. So my new site will be at http://agw2536.wordpress.com and I hope you will check me out again tomorrow, and will still like the way I write. Thanks for visiting. Mark’s a great friend to have, isn’t he???

  12. Robin, I also talk to strangers. It shouldn’t be a problem as public as a library. But, like you, my guard is up when I start to feel uncomfortable. When I was young and single, I gave a fake name, said I lived with my grandmother and elected not to give out my phone number. They usually took the cue and left me alone. šŸ˜‰

    You did the right thing. If he gets so easily upset, it’s best to avoid him.

    • I am so glad that you validated my choices in this situation, Judy! He did seem to over-react a lot over something I had to be careful about. I am glad you made similar protective choices, to make sure that no one would bother you. I think saying you are living with another person, is a good idea, even when you are not. I may try this! Smiles, Robin

  13. Thanks, Cindy! We all run into quite a lot of characters in our everyday lives! It is just recognizing and writing them down, that is something helpful to do! (I hope to gather a few of these and put them into a book someday, as parts and pieces of it.

  14. You should have called this post “Sorry, Chad.” šŸ™‚ I just watched “Hollywood Game Night” on NBC with all the ladies from Hot in Cleveland, minus Betty, so I enjoyed your take on the show. Women can never be too sure of a man’s motives, so you were just being better safe than sorry.

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