Summer Laughs

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Thanks to Mark, who gave me this title on a Hump Day, a week or so, back.

It was where I had little funny jokes or stories, where a witty comeback line

‘closed’ each one of them. I love the idea of looking for ‘summer’ chuckles

so here are some that I found for you to enjoy!

Now, if Mark will guffaw loudly enough to be heard by all, from his Syracuse,

New York location, this will make my day!

http://markbialczak.com

 

After the jokes, there will be a musical moment, since Mark’s posts include

sports (which I am ‘sketchy’ on), entertainment and his perspectives on Life.

 

In the days when I was a single Mom, I discovered the quaint and the very good

idea of bringing children and being a faithful Christian by going to church every

Sunday and Wednesday nights!

One summer Wednesday evening, I heard our pastor catch my attention and the

whole congregation’s by exclaiming out loud:

“Sex!”

The congregation quit fidgeting and suddenly were giving their full and rapt

attention!

Everyone had fallen into total silence.

Then, they started to look nervously at each other, afraid to say anything.

In the back of the church, one of the elderly women stood up, she was a

sweet and beloved member of the church.

She started singing in her soprano voice,

“Memories.”

(This is a joke, hope you liked this first one of my Summer Laughs’ Series!)

 

2. “One lazy summer morning, a long married couple were sitting

over their coffee, toast and cereal, being quiet and thoughtful.

The husband was reading the newspaper, they had the radio on

and this was a nice way to begin one of their many retirement days.

The husband looked up from the paper and happened to say to her,

“Dear, when I die you may go ahead and remarry. I just hope you

don’t choose a jerk the next time around.”

The wife sat, chewing her breakfast, drinking sips of her coffee and

then, stunned  her husband by replying:

“Honey, what makes you think I would make that mistake again?”

A few funny summer jokes, found in pieces of mail from my Mom’s

friend, Pookie, from California follow!

 

3. In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a woman who was wearing

a tight skirt, approached the bus.

As it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was

too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step

of the bus.

She was slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus

driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking

that this would give her enough slack in the skirt to raise her leg.

This time she still wasn’t able to raise her leg high enough to

embark on the bus.

She looked at the bus driver, embarrassed again, reaching behind

to unzip her skirt.

She tried this one more time attempting the step.

Once again, to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg.

About this time, a tall Texan who had been standing behind her the

whole time, waiting himself to get onto the bus, picked the young

woman in her tight and fashionable pencil skirt and placed her

gently on the bus.

The young woman exclaimed,

“How dare you do this? I don’t even know who you are!”

The Texan smiled and drawled,

“Well, Ma’m, normally I would agree with you. After you

unzipped my fly three times, I kinda’ figured we were friends!”

 

4. A “Maxine” Fourth of July joke:

This older woman, wearing an American flag on her shirt,

from the comic strip created by John Wagner, “Maxine” says:

“Until you almost lose a finger helping set off fireworks,

you can’t really call yourself a Patriot!”

My 85 year old Mom liked that one, but added:

“If you haven’t had your whiskers singed by a sparkler,

then you really haven’t had a ‘blast’ for the Fourth!”

(She was a big provider of sparklers, over the years,

to my children, and now, grandchildren!

 

5. This joke should be actually considered a little bit of a ‘rant!’

It could be considered,”Lesson on Changes in Technology!”

It is accompanied by an appropriate photograph!

“All you, young ‘whippersnappers’ will never know…

The satisfaction of slamming down a receiver on a

Rotary Phone!!”

 

(Now, if you are ever in Goodwill or Salvation Army,

check out all those old-fashioned phones. If you have

any grandchildren, grab one or two. They absolutely

LOVE playing with the dials and the buttons on either

the dial rotary phones or the push button ones! I have

a couple and the grandkids call each other. I also wish

to share this fact: In the song, “Five Little Monkeys”

there is a line, where you use the motion of actually

dialing a telephone, “Mama called the Doctor and the

Doctor said, “No more monkeys jumping on the bed!”

My grandkids now understand the reason why you

use one hand up to your ear and the other to make a

circular motion!” Also, my preschoolers, special ed.

teaching experience loved how heavy those phones

were, dragging their cords around behind them, while

“pretend” talking on them!!)

 

 

Oh, if you didn’t see the great article in the Sunday newspaper about

the 23 year old, Ed Sheeran, don’t forget that he did a collaboration

with Pharrell Williams, who I featured in the post, “The Man Behind

Happy.”

Ed Sheeran, who sang, “Daydream,” and was nominated for a Grammy

this year, made it into my 1/28/14 post about the Grammy Awards.

Also, that he is a Brit, who had played with Taylor Swift, on her “RED

tour,” and has been friends with two of the show, “Friends, Courtney Cox

and Jennifer Anniston.

“The Lego House” and “A Team” led him to be in the Top Ten songs’ lists,

along with his becoming close to Elton John, Usher and other famous

singers are helping this young man to soar. I am happy to report that one

of his goals is to be ‘settled down with a family by age 33!’ He is dating a

chef, who he is close to but doesn’t bring her into the limelight. His mother,

father and brother are very important to him, too!

Ed Sheeran, also was in my post about the “Voice” and “American Idol”

season finales, since one or two of his songs made it onto those shows. His

carefree spring/summer song is, “Sing” done in collaboration with Pharrell

Williams.

HAVE A HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY!!

All around the world:

LET FREEDOM RING TO LAUGH!!

 

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23 responses »

    • You are most welcome! I enjoyed catching up with your life, including your #3 anniversary! You were a lovely bride, I still remember the beautiful and colorful dress you wore, when I first started reading your blog! Enjoy your holiday, if you celebrate!! Smiles, Robin

    • I know how you feel, Lorna! My brother told me two ‘blonde’ jokes to tell my youngest daughter, (who is a blonde), I only remember one of them. Half bad memory!
      Here it goes, since you are a blonde. This is called, my brother says, “A Double Blonde” joke:

      The young blonde was speeding down the highway, chatting on her cell phone, when she saw, in her rear view mirror, a police car chasing her.
      When the young blonde cop approached the car, the driver was a little dismayed.
      She was ‘used to’ being able to get out of tickets by batting her long eyelashes.
      When she opened the window, the blonde policewoman asked for her Driver’s license and her insurance information.
      The blonde pulled open her glove compartment and found the latter, right away.
      When she was emptying her purse, she had a ‘blonde moment’ and could not remember what her ID looked like.
      She asked the cop, “Please remind me of what the Driver’s License looks like.”
      The cop answered, “It is rectangular in shape and holds a picture of you on it.”
      The driver pulled out her plastic rectangular mirror and said, “Oh, here it is!”
      The cop looked into the mirror, saying…
      “Oh, if I had known you were a police woman, I would have let you go!”
      Har dee- har har!
      Have a happy Fourth, Lorna!

  1. Robin, I saved a story to share with you:
    A teacher gave her class the assignment to draw whatever they wanted. As the students were busy with their artwork, she observed Suzie drawing something unusual and asked her, ‘What are you drawing, Suzie?’
    Suzie replied, ‘I am drawing a picture of God.’
    The teacher said, ‘How can you draw a picture of God. No one knows what God looks like.’
    Suzie said, ‘Well, you are about to find out.’

    🙂 – Mike

    • That is precious, Mike! That is hardly a joke, either! Almost a special “Memorable Moments in Sunday School!” story!
      Loved this one!
      Hope you and Florence have some kind of noise, racket, marching band or salute to America’s freedom tomorrow! Soon, you will be: “Back in the U.S. of A.!” Smiles, Robin

  2. You did it, Robin! I laughed out loud at No. 3. Yes, indeed, she was friendlier with the Texan than she knew!!

    Thank you for these Summer Smiles, my friend. You forgot to mention one fact about the very nice Ed Sheeran. No matter what show he’s on, and even if he’s getting a major award, that red hair of his looks like he just got our of bed! To my been-around eyes, anyway …

    Happy Fourth of July!

    • So glad I did you proud! I was not sure about the racy joke, but you found that one to be your favorite! Smiles!
      Ed Sheeran does appear quite disheveled and seems quite like “the boy next door,” too! I like that he seems humble and yet, must be quite intelligent! He does seem to be racking up quite a lot of awards, too! You have made my day, glad it was funny for you, too! Happy Fourth to the wife, daughter, son in law, and YOU, Mark!

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