Some Humor among the Sarcasm

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I laughed at a real life news story, where a mother of four children

came out from shopping with her kids, of one of those ‘box stores,’

having a cart load of groceries and necessities. She walked over to

where her car was supposed to be, and it was gone!

Stolen!

She managed to catch a person who allowed her to use their phone.

She called “9-1-1” and then turned to the sympathetic man, who had

been asking, “What else he could do?”

 

The single mother, smiled, as she asked him,

“One more favor, may I use your cell  phone just one more time?

It’s local!”

 

She then asked her kids and the man to move away.

Go back on the sidewalk and get far away.”

Again, she promised to make it quick!

 

This true story was told on the news on Monday, so there may even be a

video of the next part of the story. . . You know how Youtube catches the

news!

 

The woman called her own cell phone, knowing she had left it in the cup

holder. Like idiots, the thieves opened her phone and asked, “Hello?”

She blurted out a blazing trail of swear words, saying that she was a

single mother with four kids and “Why in the world would you choose

my  ‘piece of junk’ car to steal, anyway?”

 

She then added to the unfortunate robbers of her van, “You morons,

I know that my phone has some kind of a chip in it for locating where

you are at. Get back here NOW!”

 

Supposedly, the van was returned, before the police had arrived, and

they even handed her the keys before they took off, through the busy

shopping plaza, on foot.

I was smiling all the way to work on Monday, due to this genius move

by a desperate single Mom!

 

Another funny part of the news was that supposedly “Mr.T” had to show up

at his local courthouse, since he got an official letter telling him the date to

go and serve  on Jury Duty! He actually  was dismissed. He was very

disappointed that he was not asked to serve on a case. There was a group

of people in the waiting room, having coffee and talking to him. They had

some selfies taken with “Mr. T,” too. The funny thing that someone asked

him, was would he ‘pretend hit him,’ posing for a picture. Now, the radio

announcer for this ‘news flash,’ used a comical voice, imitating “Mr. T.”

in his response,

(Using the unique and amusing way that “Mr. T.” use himself  in the third

person, too.)

“Mr. T.”  cannot look like he is hitting you, because “Mr. T.” don’t want any

trouble with the ‘po-lice.'”

Of course, he did not actually say this but the gist of the situation is true,

that a young man wanted him to pretend fight with him, for his cell phone

but “Mr. T.” politely declined and instead gave him a hug.

 

Now  this one is from my friend, Melvin, who was on a ‘rant’ so excuse the

angry sarcasm. Our mutual young friend, Cody, who we have both given rides

home, in the heated afternoons and early evenings, after what we consider

‘grueling’ days, got too many ‘points’ and lost his job.

Here is the way the excited tone and words were exchanged in the parking

lot today:

Melvin uses a Martin Lawrence/Chris Tucker shrieking voice that is very

indignant in this rampage:

“So, Robin, we have three situations here. All three are given the exact SAME

Number of Points, am I clear on this?

First, Tina, who is a ‘white girl,’ gets 9 points but has no other points so she

gets to keep her job, after hitting a security guard and leaving.

(And honest to Pete, he did add this ‘racial’ clarification. Sorry, don’t be too

offended because under the rant, there is an element of truth. I am upset, too.)

Second, our good friend, Peggy, turned 60 and we had a grand party for her,

but she gets assigned to using one of those awful heavy bulk riding machines.

(He is really stretching the high pitched tone, which makes me laugh, despite

myself.)

Poor Peggy, unwittingly trips over her feet getting off the machine, falls and

hits her head on the concrete, and gets the SAME number of points, ‘white

girl’ gets no breaks. 9 points! She had to go to the hospital, get X-rays and

set up for an MRI tomorrow, and she will get Workman’s Comp, which means

she will not have to pay for this accident, EXCEPT Peggy will have to be careful

for the rest of the next 12 months, or she will lose her job for hitting her head.

Do I have this right, Robin?”

I looked at him, expressing disgust with the unfairness of these two very different

situations. Peggy should not have had to be on equipment, without any kind of

re-training. She should not get any points, in my opinion! (And Melvin’s, too.)

Then Melvin concludes his story, with his agitated distorted voice, since you

would think normally he were an “upper crust” New Englander, being raised

by his island parents, going to school in Boston and having served in the Army

in Europe:

“Robin, my man Cody, arrives late to work and has accumulated the one point

for poor attendance, Right? Then, my good boy who is very good in his position

in Heavy Bulk, is parking his equipment, runs the metal fork into a metal rack.

He is done with his work, just parking it. There rings out a metal ‘Clash!” and

someone runs to the Bin Order Filler office, someone who for some Ungodly,

Unholy reason ‘has it out for my black young friend, my ‘brother’ Cody gets

9 points today and is ‘walked out,’ like a common criminal!”

Tammy and I have listened to Melvin’s tirade. We have had sympathy for

Tina (awhile back her hit and run was a subject of a post) and Peggy, just is

devastated, having never received more than 2 points in the 15 years of working

here.

Tammy was the one who stopped laughing over Melvin’s hysterical rendering

of the unfairness of it all, first. I was just shaking my head. I have a feeling that

Peggy’s sister or brother, both having been to college and have attorneys, will

be looking for a settlement. This will all ‘back fire’ on the administration. I just

hope that Peggy will come back since she has not reached 62 nor retirement age.

Melvin’s summary is (again NOT politically correct), “So, if you are a ‘white lady,’

you can hit a security guard, leave the scene of the crime, keep your job and not

serve time. You get 9 points.

You be a ‘white lady,’ you have been getting a little on the ‘old’ side of things,

you trip and fall, hurt your own self, and get 9 points.

Then, you show up late once for work, as a black boy needs his sleep, you get

1 point. You hit a rack, no injuries whatsoever, no one even close by, you make

some noise, someone notices, and you get reported on. You get 9 points, make

it to that darn 10 you lose your job!! Gimme justice!”

 

Melvin wanted to come up with a better ‘punchline,’ but this was it:

“The inequitable number of ‘9’ must have been pulled out of someone high up in

the organization, to be used three times in three different situations. They must

have pulled it out of their high falutin’ behinds!”

If you had heard his vocal impression of the irritated actors then you may be

laughing. (I think he does a great job of Chris Tucker, from those movies with

Jackie Chan.)

But you know this one is not a laughing matter!

As Melvin got into his car, he raised his arm in the old “Black Power” fist

and said, “I want Justice for my man, Cody!!”

 

The continuing saga of  work, just glad I have received no points this year!

If you are a minute late from lunch you earn a ‘point’ and are considered,

‘tardy.’ If you miss work on a day that you are supposed to have a doctor’s

excuse, (Mondays and Fridays) you will earn that random number of 9 points.

 

 

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About reocochran

I am experiencing crazy and hapless adventures in dating that may interest people over fifty. I am now approaching 62 later this year and enjoy taking photographs, incorporating stories or poetry on my blog. I have many old posts which are informative and written like essays. I have several love stories collected from family and friends. Even strangers spill their stories, since I am a grown version of the girl next door. I have been trying to live a healthy lifestyle with better food selections and active hiking and walking. I have written four children's books and illustrated them. They are not published but a battered women's shelter used one about neglect and abuse for their children's program and a 4H group used my "Kissing a Bunny is like saying a Prayer" as a coloring book. Please comment or respond so I may get a chance to know you. Sincerely, Robin

31 responses »

    • Yes, it is! I have a little wit and sarcasm in my family but I am more of a silly comic, doing antics rather than the jokes! Smiles and hope you have a lovely weekend. Do you have a 3 day “Labor Day” weekend? Take care and enjoy!

      • I am also the jokester of my large clan. Taking off today too, so it’s a 4 day weekend 🙂 Enjoy the holiday!

    • The mom story was the best one, I agree! I cannot believe that one of the radio announcers the next day embellished it and said that the crooks were able to add some oil or other fluids to the woman’s van! I am not even sure now where the truth begins and the details added later… Beth, the inconsistencies is what Melvin was carrying on about! Hope you have a well deserved and relaxing 3 day weekend, Beth!

  1. I’m not big on the point system, Robin. It treats you all like 8-year-olds.

    Now the cell phone mom may be my new hero! I’m so glad she scared the bad guys into bringing her much-needed car back.

    • Thanks for understanding why Melvin was getting all carried away. He was in the military and has even gone to our warehouse’s “C.E.O.” to tell him that the system is not consistent and reliable. You need to know the consequences are going to be fair when dealt out like this. I am happy that only one period of time I got 3 points was while working in heavy bulk.(3 different errors, including hitting a rack, only one point for my doing this!) By the way, my young boss, Jake took a photo of the ‘ding’ in the metal rack, I got punished by not being able to be in heavy bulk for a week, but had to go right back after that! It made no sense! Smile!

      The super hero Mom is definitely one that got the ‘job done!!’ Too bad that all the news isn’t like this, huh?

    • You are so right! I like Mr. T’s attitude and he seems to be known as a ‘softie,’ while in real life. He seems to never age, either! I am more jealous of this fact! smiles!
      Hope you have a wonderful Labor Day weekend, TLK!

    • I am laughing at your joke/question about the car thieves being Irish? I am not sure but this would add some dimension to the story, right? Did you hear a news item on an Irish single mother having her van stolen? Thanks for adding the fun part about “Mr. T.” who is known to be such a ‘softie’ in real life!

    • She sure was, Chris! I am so surprised it worked and they got back before being caught. Which I guess I am a ‘hoodlum’ at heart, because I figure “no harm, no fowl,” and was happy they just got off into the parking lot! Hope Labor Day weekend you get to a fair, festival or picnic and Enjoy!

  2. Your story about the mother and the cell phone reminded me of a case in Australia. A man had kidnapped a lady and the police tracked her cell phone. Lo-and-behold they discovered another cell phone was going along the exact same direction. By contacting the phone company, they were thus able to determine who he was and arrest the kidnapper.

    • This was an excellent addition to this post. So helpful, too. Hope that this can happen more often, too. I am always happy when the news is a positive story! Thanks for this, Elizabeth. Take care and hope you have fun over Labor Day weekend!

    • You are so right! I enjoyed this so much that I repeated it to many people I am glad that it apparently was a local story, since no one said they had heard this one ‘before.’ Take care and hope you have a special Labor Day weekend, Jill!

    • Thanks for this one, Jonathan! I will try to get back to all the blogs tomorrow, just to read and like them! I will be posting about Edmund Hoyle’s own day tomorrow. “According to Hoyle” Day! Smiles, Robin

  3. One story with a happy ending, one without. I am with Melvin on the arbitrariness of your work’s point system. The funniest part of the story for me was the mother with the borrowed cell phone who asked the children to step away so she could unleash a torrent of profanity.

    That reminds me of when my grandsons repeat a bad word they heard from Daddy or one of his friends, and Mommy says, ‘Those are grown-up words. You are not allowed to say them.’ It is always interesting to discover at what age the children think they are grown up enough. – Mike

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