Humorous Nonsense

Standard

Here are a few senior ‘jokes’ which are sure to tickle someone’s ‘fancy,’ or possibly

your ‘funny bone,’ at least!

 

1. “Yesterday my daughter asked why I didn’t do something useful with my time.

She suggested I go down to the senior center and hang out with the people.

I did this and when I got home last night, I told her I had joined a Parachute Club.

 

She said, ‘Are you nuts? You’re almost 60 and you’re going to start jumping out

of airplanes?'”

I proudly showed her that I even got a membership card.

 

She exclaimed loudly and profusely, ‘For heaven’s sake, where are your glasses?

This is a membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club!'”

 

I am kind of in trouble now, I don’t know what to do.

I signed up for “Five Jumps a Week!”

 

Life, as a senior citizen is not getting any easier!”

 

2. Here are a collection of One Liners written and often delivered by

Phyllis Diller:

 

~ “Most children threaten at times to run away from home.

This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.”

 

~ “Burt Reynolds once asked me out.

I was in his hospital room.”

 

~ “Robert Redford once asked me out.

I was in his house.”

 

~ “Aim high, and you won’t shoot your foot off.”

 

~ “Any time 3 New York men get into a cab without

an argument,

a Bank has just been robbed.”

 

~ “I am eighteen years behind in my ironing.”

 

~ “We spend the first 12 months of a child’s life,

teaching them to walk and talk,

Then the next 17 years or more, we spend telling

them to sit down and be quiet!”

 

~ “What I don’t like about Christmas Office Parties,

is having to look for a job during the holidays the

day after…

 

When Joan Rivers died, I immediately thought about the ones who came before her,

like Mae West. And then, when I found these funny thoughts and quips by Phyllis

Diller, I could not stop thinking of her wacky looking self and her irritating voice,

both which added to her persona and held audiences while she cracked them up!

Phyllis Diller was born in Lima, Ohio in 1917 and lived to 2012. What a long and

productive life she led. She certainly went ‘far’ in the world of comedy. There wre

reports she ‘died with a smile on her face.’

Laughter is like the Fountain of Youth,  dip into it as often as you can!

Some of her insults about her husband may have sounded cruel, but she meant

them to be humorous. Poor Fang!

 

And. . . here’s another for the road.

 

“I have been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about

‘short and cheap?’

That’s pure Phyllis for you, razor sharp wit.

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About reocochran

I am experiencing crazy and hapless adventures in dating that may interest people over fifty. I am now approaching 62 later this year and enjoy taking photographs, incorporating stories or poetry on my blog. I have many old posts which are informative and written like essays. I have several love stories collected from family and friends. Even strangers spill their stories, since I am a grown version of the girl next door. I have been trying to live a healthy lifestyle with better food selections and active hiking and walking. I have written four children's books and illustrated them. They are not published but a battered women's shelter used one about neglect and abuse for their children's program and a 4H group used my "Kissing a Bunny is like saying a Prayer" as a coloring book. Please comment or respond so I may get a chance to know you. Sincerely, Robin

16 responses »

    • This was a fun comment, Eric! I am so glad you felt that Fang loved her ‘barbs!’ I was amazed she lived five years short of a hundred! Wow! Glad you mentioned those incredible compliments to Diller as a ‘pioneer’ and an ‘icon.’ Thanks for this, Eric.

  1. I loved Phyllis Diller, especially that guffaw laugh of hers! AHAH Ha ha ha! and with the footlong cigarette holder in one hand. Your story brought back images of Diller on Bob Hope Shows and Ed Sullivan and That Show of Shows. Sorry if you are too young to remember all of those. 🙂 – Mike

    • I remember almost all of those shows, along with her visiting on variety and talk shows. She did have a cigarette holder, I had forgotten that part of her character and love the way you described her infamous laugh, Mike!!

    • Getting a little bit too close to home, for me, too! My vision has gone downhill! Ha, not sure which would be worse parachutes or having some rolls in the hay with some senior men!

    • I enjoyed this comment, Timi! I am not sure why I forgot to comment on it, circling back to catch up a bit… Thank you for the idea of dipping into it as often as you can! I may have started a longer comment about wishing I had even one jump a month, if you want to know my frame of mind…. smiles!

    • Thanks, Elizabeth!
      My Mom got us all laundry baskets when my Dad made a comment about ironing to my Mom. She left the house, went to K Mart, bought five baskets and had my brothers and I go into the laundry room. My poor littlest brother was probably 6 or 7, needed a stepstool. We learned about the settings on the washer and dryer. She also reminded my brothers and me, “This is why I buy Permanent Press shirts, take them out of the dryer while warm.” She worked 9 months a year and during the summer was always taking new courses. She taught us all that we needed to be self-sufficient. My brothers still sew buttons on, can patch or darn a sock, along with doing dishes and their laundry. My youngest brother has a wife that works, she likes that he cooks and she cleans after the meal!
      Smiles for your liking this one about ironing, Elizabeth. Sorry a little late in responding!

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