Wednesday is the Middle of the Week

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I laughed at this story joke my Mom sent me, especially since

she almost received a traffic ticket in the last months she lived

‘independently’ in Vermilion, Ohio. I hope this will give you a

chuckle or bring a smile to your face. . . since you are always on

my mind. . .

 

By the way, it is not Wednesday for some of us, but it may be

for you. . .

 

“Five Elderly Women” or “Five Old Ladies”

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding

drivers, a Police Officer saw a car puttering along at 22 MPH

or KPH. (Some of you use kilometers and others, miles per

hour.)

He said to himself,

“That driver is just as dangerous as a speeding driver!”

So, he turned on his siren and red flashing lights and

pulled the driver over.

 

Approaching the car, he noticed that there were five

ladies in the car. Two in the front seat and three in

the back. All were wearing their seat belts.

 

He also noticed that the ones who were passengers

were all ‘wide-eyed’ and ‘white as ghosts.’

 

The driver, obviously confused said to him,

“Officer, I don’t understand why I was pulled over!

I was doing exactly the speed limit. What seems to

be the problem?”

 

“Ma’am,” the policeman replied, “You were not going

too fast. I am not pulling you over for speeding today.

But you know driving slower than the speed limit can

also be a danger to other drivers.”

 

“Slower than the speed limit? No sir! I was doing the

speed limit exactly.

Twenty-two kilometers an hour!” The older woman

said a little bit proudly.

 

The police officer, trying to contain a tickle in his throat,

maintaining composure said,

“Ma’am, the highway is number 22 not the speed limit.”

 

A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the

officer for pointing out her error.

 

“But before I let you go, Ma’am, I have to ask, is everyone

in this car O.K.?

These women, your friends seem awfully shaken up. They

haven’t made a peep this whole entire time,” the officer

noted.

 

The lady driver spoke up for her friends,

“Oh, they will be all right in a minute officer. We just got

off of Highway 189.”

 

My Mom’s story is not quite as ‘cute’ as this one, but she

had decided to go on a ‘midnight run’ in her car to the

local Drug Mart in Vermilion, Ohio. If you go down a side

street from her home, you run into a perpendicular street

which you turn one more time and it is a ‘straight’ shot

to get there. She liked to go get Coca Cola and sometimes,

it was for pens, white-out or ice cream. One never knew

what she would be shopping for as she drove such late

hours.

 

She told me she had her dog, Nicki. Her patient dog of

now 14 years has black hair with some gray hairs, along

with white fur around her mouth and paws. She is a good

cute little dog, of the shih-tzu breed. My Mom let her sit

on her lap, since she felt most people would not be out

so late.

 

(When she told this to me the first time, I had to suppress

my laughter, just like the Police Officer in the story!)

 

Anyway, the straight main road goes up and over a bridge

(over a railroad track.)

So she went up the hill at 35 mph. but came down it going

45 mph. The police like to lurk at the bottom of the hill,

for unsuspecting people who may be from out of town.

Also, since this is not too far from a couple of local bars.

 

Mom used to ‘remember’ this particular cop and would

go even slower than 35 mph. Her memory was starting

to fade, by this time.

Like the woman in the above humorous story, she had

an innocent look on her face, I assume. My Mom is one

of the best ‘pretenders’ of things. She has received a few

different things just in the three years she has lived in

the Senior Living Apartments. For example by saying,

“I am out of such and such,” when she doesn’t get up

early enough toΒ  ‘catch’ the bus to take her shopping.

Mom would end up having an apartment neighbor or

a diner at her evening meal, come by and bring her

something extra.

The last time I was there over the holidays, she boldly

told the woman who is the activities director, “I never

got balloons for my birthday.” (It was December, but

the woman gave her a bouquet of them. Her birthday

was in November.)

 

I have to add, if I can get away with this, someday in the

distant future, if I am wilyΒ  enough I will ‘aim for’ free

cupcakes and frosted cookies.

 

She told me the police man ‘ran her plates’ and found she

‘had not had any kind of accident nor speeding ticket in

the amount of time or history given for such experiences.’

 

When asked if she drove with her dog on her lap all the

time, my Mom honestly responded, “Only after midnight

when no one can see her on my lap.”

 

He let her go with a ‘warning.’

 

Unfortunately, within a month of this occurrence she had

an accident and hit her head in the bathtub, which made

my brothers take her to the hospital, worried about her

thinking processes. She also had been ‘bouncing’ checks,

losing track of which days she should wait for her deposits.

There were a number of concerns by her neighbors and

we all agreed, winters alone especially on Lake Erie are

just not ‘safe’ for Mom anymore.

 

When we would go anywhere, once we moved her to a

safer environment, Mom would produce her driver’s

license and say,

“They may take my car and home away but I still

have this to show I can drive until next year!”

 

Do you have a favorite ‘oldies’ joke?

I like ones about ‘senior moments’ especially, but also

enjoy ones about children and animal jokes.

 

Another direction of comments may go to something

that happened with one of your parents which made

you laugh out loud.

Feel free to spread the smiles around. . .

 

 

 

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About reocochran

I am experiencing crazy and hapless adventures in dating that may interest people over fifty. I am now approaching 62 later this year and enjoy taking photographs, incorporating stories or poetry on my blog. I have many old posts which are informative and written like essays. I have several love stories collected from family and friends. Even strangers spill their stories, since I am a grown version of the girl next door. I have been trying to live a healthy lifestyle with better food selections and active hiking and walking. I have written four children's books and illustrated them. They are not published but a battered women's shelter used one about neglect and abuse for their children's program and a 4H group used my "Kissing a Bunny is like saying a Prayer" as a coloring book. Please comment or respond so I may get a chance to know you. Sincerely, Robin

43 responses »

  1. I do like the highway joke. Driving with a pup on her lap… Oh dear, cause for concern there. πŸ˜’ jokes I’m hopeless at and even re em earring now things that pop and mumma P have done over the years, though I am sure there were many. Watching mum stroke pops forehead in hospital, asking when he’s coming home, brought a warm though sad smile to me and hopefully to you. xx

    • I am glad the highway joke was a hit with you, Jen. I like your light sense of humor when it comes to the penguins. Oh oh! Hospital? Oh no!
      I am behind in reading you. I am concerned though. I was trying to get on to your site, which doesn’t come to my reader, not sure why?
      I was denied access on Saturday and then on Sunday, Jen, it sent me off to the internet! Library is funny place, sometimes they must have hackers or viruses?
      Off to read and hope to catch up with you, my sweet and patient friend!

  2. I remember this driving joke, which is more about an airhead than a senior.

    The Highway Patrolman stopped a woman driver on the freeway. When she rolled down her window, the officer said, ‘Ma’am, I pulled you over for speeding. I am going to write you a ticket for going 80 mph in a 70 mph zone.’

    The woman replied, ‘Officer, that can’t be right! I had my cruise control set at exactly 85.’

    – Mike

    • I am so glad you are amused by this. You know when I go to visit her either first or second weekend of February, she comes down to check out the friends and she asks about their dogs. I probably won’t bring up you lost Berkeley since I don’t wish to sadden her. I will just show her your fun posts like on vegetables… She certainly is wily and ‘sly as a fox,’ too! ha ha back at you, Barb. Thanks for the laughs and enjoyment shown!

    • Oh, I accidentally intermingled your reply with my one to Pauline, Barb! How late it is, and I need to go eat my supper… excuses, excuses. She will miss your Berkeley and will still see Pauline’s Siddy. I am so sorry, I need to go over to your post and apologize there, too!

  3. That was a good joke Robin! I don’t drive with Siddy on my lap, but he does sit on the front seat beside me. He has a safety harness on and he likes to have the window rolled down and he stands on his hind legs and puts his head out the window to catch all the good smells. I’m not sure if it is legal or not – but he is having fun.

    • I am so glad you take good care of Siddy, Pauline! He is a precious little boy and I loved the way he looked last time I saw his photo of his looking like he was giving a ‘High Five” to us all!
      I am glad you had not heard the joke before and enjoyed it. I also know you are careful as was my Mom before she got a little too old to drive and yet, she is still good with Nicki. She takes good care of her, which gives her a ‘purpose.’ She still misses breakfast and walks the dog and then goes back to bed, she likes being a ‘night owl,’ Pauline!
      I can just picture Siddy with his head out the window and sure, there are a lot of sounds, smells and views of the scenery passing him by! Great picture in my head!

  4. Robin … I love the old ladies and the speed limit joke. Here’s one I overheard at a restaurant:

    A man was stopped in his car by a trooper. The trooper noticed there were three penguins in the back seat and asked about them. The motorist explained he’d seen them hitchhiking along the side of the road and stopped to give them a lift. The trooper told the man to take the penguins to the zoo immediately.

    The following day, the trooper stopped the same motorist. The trooper saw the three penguins in the back seat. This time they were wearing sunglasses.

    “I thought I told you yesterday to take the penguins to the zoo,” the trooper said.

    “Oh, I did,” the man replied. “And today I’m taking them to the beach.”

    We joined in when people started clapping and I told the woman how much I loved that joke. She was delighted. πŸ˜†

    • I am so glad you came to visit today, Judy!! You always contribute such original material and I must say, “Bring the house down!” You showed appreciation of the joke at the restaurant, which is really nice. Some people would try to remember the joke without thanking the one who gave them a bit of entertainment!
      I loved the penguins and will try so hard to keep this until I go to visit my Mom and brothers in a week or possibly two, depends on the snow… Cleveland and the lake effects.
      Smiles back and gratitude multiplied.

  5. The highway sign joke is just too good to top, Robin. Highway 189. Perfect. I have to remember that one. Here’s a true story for you. When we went to Los Angeles to meet my dear wife Karen’s Aunt Pauline, we took her out to dinner at her favorite local restaurant. I drove our rented car after we picked Aunt Pauline up at her house, and the family-style restaurant was only about three or four miles from her house. I noticed we got there a strange way but Karen gave me the look that said say nothing. When Aunt Pauline went to the ladies room while we were eating our pleasant dinner Karen explained that although she still drove, dear Aunt Pauline (may she RIP) only felt comfortable making right turns, so that’s the route she took us to the restaurant!

    • Oh, Mark! May Pauline RIP indeed, a sweetheart of an Aunt! This does make me laugh since it is a true funny story. Some people have their peculiar ways, this one takes the cake, Mark! Only right hand turns means you don’t have to wait or go across traffic. I can see this was a ‘safer’ way for your dear wife, Karen’s aunt.
      I am so glad this speeding post helped to bring back a memory of a great time and what fun to have gone to L.A. I hope to go west of the Grand Canyon someday…. got fairly far across the country.

  6. oh, i love your mom’s story even better than the joke, robin! and i love that she used her survival skills and had her wits about her which she used to get people to do things for her. like you, i can’t wait to get away with it! )

    • I am sure we have that ‘innocent’ and kindly looking faces which add some wrinkles and possibly different hair styles or colors, and we can ‘pull this off,’ easily!!
      I am glad you loved Mom’s personal story best. Thanks so much, Beth!

  7. Lol… only after midnight! The dog is probably wondering why he’s up and about that late and riding around in a car. πŸ™‚ It sounds like your mom has lots of family taking good care of her.

    • Thanks, Diahann for this fun comment back about the post. You are making me smile! I had not given the dog a thought of how she must feel being up so late.
      When I get there, it is usually around 5 or 6 at night, on a Friday. My Mom will ask, “Do you want to eat?” (usually I have eaten but her snacks are great, so I say, “Yes.”) Then, having given me sustenance she wants me to take her to the store, to buy more ‘junk food.’ We stay up until one or two in the morning! We watch black and white movies, etc. She also gives me a juice size glass of Sangria and we say a Spanish toast. Fun times!

  8. Well, a couple of years ago my dad did drive into his garage. He wonders why I don’t like to loan him my car ;). Please think of him or pray if you are so inclined. He’s back in the hospital.

    • Oh, i am so sorry, Luanne. I will definitely keep your creative Dad in my prayers. I love how he takes ‘found’ items and creates such colorful garden masterpieces! He sounds like he is a character, I know that story was meant to be serious, knew the garage door was down, … but I still laughed!
      I am not sure why I didn’t know this. I knew Jen (Ramblings from a Mum) had her father in the hospital and is now in a nursing home for therapy, having taken a tumble.

  9. Loved the highway 189 joke. It wouldn’t work here – our motorways only go up to the M60, as far as I’m aware.
    My Dad was always either telling us jokes (really cheesy ones) or he’d be recounting a real life situation which would probably be even funnier. However, the best thing I heard him say was this – and I’ll have to explain that all his life, Dad ran his own (very successful fine silver and jewellery) business in the west end of London. He was naturally quite guarded about what he did for a living as some of his customers were famous VIPs. When he and my Mum used to go on travelling holidays he never liked getting into conversation with other hotel guests because he would invariably be asked what he ‘did.’ He devised a witty response to this which had Mum shrinking with embarrassment. Dad used to reply “I mind my own business.” I loved that!

    • I am laughing at your Dad’s proper usage of the words, “minding his business” which is true, but sometimes could be embarrassing, as your mother would be. Leave it to fathers, they can be both funny and ‘cheesy!’
      I bet you wish you could publish a book about his customers, there must have been amazing stories to tell. My Mom’s mother, when she was young and working in NY City, worked at the Waldorf Astoria. My Mom always tells me a few of the same stories, but will say, “I wish I had put a tape recorder on and had Grandma tell you her stories.” It sure would have been great way to remember her and also, someone might like to read them, too.
      We have some side highways and routes which have triple digits so this joke ‘works’ here in the U.S. Thanks for letting me know that interesting fact about your country’s highways, Jenny!

  10. I have WAY too many older people stories. I love the one though, when my coworker and I sat in their living room. They had been married 70 years by then. At one point the husband was talking. The wife stood up and hurried out of the room. No explanation given. We glanced at each other. She returned later, stood in the middle of the room looking at my coworker and I and said “sometimes I just get tired of hearing his voice”. The husband just ignored her. πŸ˜‰

    • I am smiling! This is definitely a truthful but funny story, Colleen. I can just imagine the way you were reacting, while the husband didn’t even pay attention to her sudden departure! ha ha!Thanks so much for sharing.
      Maybe the next time, when there is another seniors’ comedy post here, you will share again… I liked your saying you have WAY too many stories of this kind!

    • Margaret, so glad to get a member of the younger crowd ‘cracking up.’
      The place she lives, adore her supposedly. (Or they are polite!) Thanks for saying such kind words about my Mom.
      Every time there is any kind of holiday, my Mom makes bags of candies. She buys miniature Hershey bars, Dove and Kisses. She tells me, “I have to add a couple of dark chocolate ones to make this bag ‘healthy.'” She gives them to the servers in the dining room since they are not allowed to receive tips, then the bus driver and the front desk ladies, and on we go around the whole building while Nicki patiently gets her exercise, too!

    • Thanks, Timi. She has adjusted to the situation and is getting quite a lot of mileage out of most of her comments. She was a Spanish, English and World Lit teacher for 30 years and she loves being able to listen and connect with people. She doesn’t remember anyone’s name or where they live. She likes the fact the dining room has ‘Open Seating,’ since she is afraid she would forget her assigned table. I am glad my two brothers and sister in law live across the street. The place would cost unbelievable twice the cost if she lived here, only 2 hours away. I wish she could have been placed here, since I have my 3 grown children and 6 combination grandchildren. They get up to see her once or twice a year. It is not big enough to stay and they cannot afford the hotel cost.
      You are welcome for the smiles and thanks for your ‘scary and hilarious’ remark!!

  11. Ha ha! I loved the joke, Robin, but I think I liked your mother’s story even better. πŸ™‚ I’m terrible at telling jokes, always have been. My father always makes me laugh, even when he’s not trying. I remember when my nephew was two years old, he said, “You’re a funny guy Poppa.”

    • Your father sounds wonderful, Jill. I enjoy your family posts and like this new addition of your little nephew saying this sweet remark to your Dad. I also like his ‘nickname’ Poppa instead of Grandpa. So nice that I got you laughing. Also, that you had not heard this one before! I am not able to remember the details in oral recitation of jokes but can add them and embellish them to funny stories, in writing. My oldest brother who is really 18 months younger than I am, (my youngest is three years younger than I am) is able to tell jokes with a straight face, you don’t realize until you arrive at the end that it is a joke and not just something funny that happened to him. Randy can make them seem ‘real’ to me. Thanks for the smiles at me and liking my Mom’s story ‘even better.’

    • I am laughing all over again about the older women racing down Highway 189! Smiles!
      Thanks for sticking with my blog even though I was not replying to your fantastic comments! I bet you wondered what was going on! Just me, not yet familiar enough with the new blog locations where you find pending approval comments! In the ‘old days’ about a year ago, I could go straight to them! I find the Classic Mode when I am writing also so much more like I wish wordpress to be! Hugs, Robin

  12. Great highway joke. My mom, who is 90, doesn’t believe in following the speed limits. We have arguments whenever I drive and she’s the passenger. She claims I’m too slow: “The posted speed limit means you’re supposed to drive at least 10 mph faster than it says,” she declares. You can understand why, when we’re together, I always insist on driving!

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