Questioning My Heartbreak

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The post today would have been on something else.

It would have been articulate and worthy of reading.

It would have been on subjects esoteric or philosophical.

I set the previous subject on the ‘back burner of my mind.’

This is such an ancient topic,

old as the people who first

walked the Earth.

 

Heartbreak.

 

Why, oh why did you have to call?

 

I was so deep in slumber and in a good place.

I have tried to block you from my mind.

When I thought I was so ‘over’ you,

I ‘unblocked’ your cell phone number.

 

Why did I do this?

Because, I would want to know. . .

If something bad happened to you.

 

Do you remember the poem

I had written where I talked

about I would rather do this

or that; than be with you?

 

Could you laugh

as I mentioned

I would rather

be in a cage

with monkeys?

 

Did you get the least bit

teary eyed when you

realized I was serious?

 

Just when my Life is on course.

You know how to turn my heart

topsy-turvy, my world upside down.

 

No, I am not involved with anyone.

But, how dare you think it is okay

to call so early in the

morning!

 

Isn’t it at all possible,

for you to imagine,

I may have

someone

special by now,

sleeping beside me?

 

Isn’t it possible,

that I may have

danced the night away

and needed to sleep

some more?

 

Couldn’t it be,

am out of the country,

with my long lost

soul mate,

on a wonderful

cruise?

 

Traveling

far off countries

mentioned

in my hopes

for us?

 

Might I have not wanted

to stay in my dream land,

content to have warmth

and positive thoughts

to greet my day?

 

Every old love lost

and heartbreak song

was written by someone

who had hopes dashed.

 

I don’t want to have you

lingering on my mind.

 

When I am in a good place,

secure and confident

I will somehow have

a partner to share

our lives together.

 

Tried it a few times,

not desperate yet.

 

Even if she were dead,

you chose to go back

to an ex-girlfriend.

 

Didn’t your family,

my family,

and

I

try to tell you how we fit together?

Better than ‘two peas in a pod?”

 

You may regret,

Never listened.

Never again,

I won’t regret.

 

So, Go!

Please- – Go!

 

Stay out of my phone,

my mind

and

my dreams.

 

I am not channeling Adele or Taylor Swift’s rants.

This is my non-poetic prose. Just trying to let it go.

Trying to keep on my happy path. Shining light on

and soon to be sharing the “Cinderella” story with

my “M & M” granddaughters, ages 4 and 6. Hope

they will not be counting on a fairy tale, but better

yet:  A real and everlasting love. Like my parents

had and my grandparents had. This is my wish.

~Robin Elizabeth Oldrieve Cochran, 3/14/15.

 

P.S. I did not answer his phone call. I deleted his

message. He is not dead; nor in the hospital.

Enough to let me be content.

 

What is your favorite heartbreak song?

I love Neil Diamond’s, “Solitary Man.”

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66 responses »

    • Thank you for this supportive comment. I posted this but the library closed so did not have a chance to answer or respond until tonight. I will need to come back tomorrow and read your recent posts!

  1. My favorite heartbreak song is MacArthurs Park…”and after all the loves of my lives you’ll still be the one. I will take my life into my hands and I will use it. Someone will bring another song in my life and I will sing it….. And after all the loves in my life, I’ll be thinking of you and wondering Why?”

    • Colleen, if I had not been at the movies, with my phone turned off, I may have accidentally answered him on his second call on Sat. He called later in the day, saying things like, “I thought we were friends. Why don’t you want to even talk to me?” Funny, at Christmas I was persuaded by my Mom to at least answer his two phone calls. I answered once, let her say hello and then when I got off, I told her firmly, “I am not talking to that man in 2015. Nothing will ever change and I am worth being “Number one,” instead of “Number two.” (He doesn’t live with this woman, she also is snobby and while he was head of maintenance at her country club, she became involved with him, she doesn’t include him in her family events. This is why his family despises her. She has met only one of his four siblings, while I have met all but one, who was out of the state when we went to see her sister.) Thanks for listening, just part of me that I don’t talk too much about anymore.

    • Thank you, Luanne. I am sure it is strange to listen to an adult being a little silly and wishing to be left alone. I am strong, mainly since he doesn’t live in my town nor do I have to see him. But phone calls, they are a little harder not to answer. I am glad to have the hugs. Thanks so much for them.

  2. I’m partial to the Johnny Cash cover of Solitary Man, but I get it. I’m with the others in regards to “him”–not worthy. Not worthy of your time, much less your heart.

    • I like Johnny Cash’s songs, too. I am really crazy about “Ring of Fire,” which is not about heartbreak but is about passion. I will listen to his version of “Solitary Man” soon…. Thanks for your positive and helpful support! Smiles, Robin

  3. Oh, Robin this is terrific. Take that ‘cruise’ in your head with a soul mate of your dreams who is deserving of your love! My ‘favorite’ heartbreak song was “Without You” by Harry Nilsson from the year 1972. Puppy love for me in early high school when I was totally heart broken. 😦

    • I liked Harry Nilsson’s voice, so do remember this song, Kim. Thanks so much for your solidarity with me, along with sharing about your “puppy love,” too. I used to like the show, “Courtship of Eddie’s Father,” with Bill Bixby. The song at the beginning, “Let me tell you about my best friend…” that was sung by Harry Nilsson, I think, too. Hugs, Robin

      • Oh, I loved that song too, Robin, but never knew it was Harry Nilsson’s voice. One of my favorite TV shows back in the day! 🙂

      • My Mom and I used to watch the reruns after school, her with her teacher’s feet up and me, with my high school homework already finished. We sat in the dark and really unwound. I usually made dinner in those days, to help her out. She was in her 40’s and going through menopause early… Poor dear Mom!
        The show had a lot to say about life and loving your child. It was a ‘rare’ show, with heart, meaning and content galore, Kim. So glad you watched it and liked it, too!
        I am going to check this out, Kim. Belatedly… smiles!

  4. This is such powerful writing, Robin. Good for you for not taking the call. You’re too good for him. One of my favorite heartbreak songs is “Superstar” by the Carpenters. You did the right thing, my friend. xo

    • I am so glad you think so, Jill. I am blessed with your calling this powerful writing. I felt it was kind of silly, so your words leave me feeling much better. I guess it is our age, I am not sure of how it sounds for someone my age to be experiencing heartbreak. Hopefully, it is a relatable subject! I like the song, “Superstar,” which completely went out of my Carpenter’s list of songs in my head. I appreciate this reminder of it, Jill.

    • I liked those songs, too, Jo. There is no time limit on songs, they are timeless and meaningful. I enjoyed Glen Campbell, too. He was a kind and friendly entertainer. Thanks for pitching in with some songs and I will gladly take the hugs, too.

  5. Sending so much love your way Robin. I’m sorry you were jarred, this morning, by a voice from your past. You feel to me so connected to life, so vibrant, funny and caring, someone I’d love to hang out with if I was closer to your address. i hope you know what a catch you are. It’s too bad this person didn’t get that In the meantime, you are living your life fully. God bless your search for a partner. May you find the happiness you so richly deserve.

    • This was such a very caring and well thought out comment. It warmed my heart and actually got a tear in my eyes. I would like to hang out with you, too! I believe many people come into our lives for a reason. You are quite a blessing to me. Thanks for this lovely response to this heartbreak ‘rant.’ I am sure you and I would get along well. Someday, you never know we may meet and be ‘real’ friends!

  6. Love that song as well. And sorry for your heartbreak. Perhaps when you no longer feel any ‘charge’ on this person, space will spread out like oil on water and magnetize the perfect partner into your life. I’m almost betting on it. xoxo

  7. I was going to offer as my favorite heartbreak song “Ain’t Too Proud to Beg” by the Temptations. However, that’s more of a ‘please don’t leave me’ song. For a real heart wrenching song of lost love, I would have to go with Hank Williams’ “I’m So Lonesome I Could Cry.”

    Did you ever see a robin weep
    When leaves began to die?
    That means he’s lost the will to live
    I’m so lonesome I could cry

    Elvis used that same last line in “Heartbreak Hotel.” That’s some serious heartbreak there.
    – Mike

    • I did not know this about all of the songs you listed. I had never paid close attention to these fine lyrics, Mike. Thanks so much for taking the time to warm my heart. Hugs, Robin

  8. i’m so sorry this happened, robin. sometimes unpleasant things from our past pop up and surprise us, but the good thing is it sounds like you’ve come a long way, and didn’t answer and blocked him again and shows that you are stronger now, and will always feel a twinge but know you deserve so much more, a man who loves you and gives as much as you do, and it will come. i listened to ‘let it be’ when my heart was broken, not a break up song but a song about leaving it alone and things will happen as they are meant to, and they always have.

  9. My very favorite heartbreak is by Patty Loveless (how about that for an appropriate name?) and it’s called “You Don’t Even Know Who I Am.” Maybe you can listen to it on youtube? Amazing lyrics. Now go wash that guy right out of your hair!!

    • Barb, I had to go listen to this on someone in my apartment building, Barb.I just could not remember Patty Loveless’ song, “You Don’t Even Know Who I am.” Powerful suggestion, Barb!

      I was leaving rather late (9 p.m.) from the library. I knocked on this nice lady, Peggy’s door. She had me listen to the song on her cell phone. I have given her milk for her grandson’s bedtime a few times so didn’t mind asking for her to find this song on Youtube. Thank you so much!
      Now, I can truly say, this was an outstanding suggestion! I also am remembering the source of the ‘I’m going to wash that man right out of my hair and send him on his way’ comment! “South Pacific,” with Mary Martin singing. Big smiles and sorry you got a short comment last night, Barb!

      • Hey Robin! I’m so happy you heard the song! Now when you have a chance, I want you to go look at my street art post today. Because there is one mural just for you. See if you can guess which one it is!

  10. This is good for me…to see how a positive person deals with setbacks. Not that I’m reveling in your pain, it lets me know I’m not alone and I have to quit letting setbacks push me so far back. As far as heartbreak songs, my favorite was: After the Love Is Gone by Earth Wind and Fire. If I were going through heartbreak today, I would choose Kelly Clarkson’s Because of You (because when I was young, that was how I felt when I got my heart broken—it took a long time to open my heart again).

    Stay on your happy path!

    • I love the group, Earth, Wind and Fire, this is such an excellent song. I am glad you included Kelly Clarkson, too. She is definitely growing into one of my favorite singers. She crossed over from country into pop and rock and roll, which I enjoy a lot. She tells about her own heartbreak and this is also about the way she felt about her mother, too. I believe…
      I am hoping that my pain will be your gain, April. I liked how you expressed this! Hugs, Robin

  11. Hey there! I know this is somewhat off-topic
    however I had to ask. Does running a well-established blog such as yours take a massive amount work?
    I’m completely new to running a blog but I do write in my journal daily.
    I’d like to start a blog so I can share my experience and feelings online.
    Please let me know if you have any kind of ideas or tips for brand new aspiring blog owners.
    Appreciate it!

    • I would encourage you to get on wordpress and try to publish some of your original thoughts and post about your journal entries. This is a great beginning. As far as commenting, please be specific, since sometimes people like you end up in wordpress “spam.” Smiles sent your way and Good Luck!

  12. I’m extremely impressed with your writing skills and also with the layout on your blog.
    Is this a paid theme or did you customize it yourself? Either way
    keep up the excellent quality writing, it is rare to see a nice blog like this one nowadays.

    • I am going to trust this post, you may be spammed if you write about the same thing twice. Be specific. Are you a person and are you truly interested in writing?
      I wish you would let me know.
      I feel wordpress is the place to go, it is a free location for blogging. I have been on this for almost 3 years. Thanks for commenting and let me know if you are ‘real!’

  13. You actually make it seem so easy with your presentation but I find this matter to be actually something that I think I would never understand.

    It seems too complicated and extremely broad for me.

    I’m looking forward for your next post, I
    will try to get the hang of it!

    • Sometimes reading a foreign language is challenging. One about heartbreak I was hoping would be a universal theme. Maybe since it is not written as prose but as a poem, it confused you? So sorry about this!

  14. Robin, I’m glad you didn’t answer his call! Lately, I’ve been thinking nostalgically about someone. In my saner moments, I sternly tell myself, “DO NOT think about him!! Remember at the end you couldn’t wait to get away from his presence??? This time would be WORSE! He’d be all triumphant, cuz you came back, and he “HAS” you! NO!!”
    I hope I continue to listen to my saner self!!
    Melinda

    • Thank you, Melinda. I will try to stay strong. 🙂 This man came to my apt building while I was at the library last Fall. He called but my phone was on vibrate, inviting me out to eat dinner. I drove past my apt when library was closed and Phew! He had left. Thank you for sharing your feelings. Hugs, Robin

    • No, this was a one time thing. He must have felt lonely. He isn’t a bad guy nor did he control or hurt me. He just went back to his old girlfriend. That alone hurt my heart.
      I don’t want to encourage him. I am okay but glad you were worried, dear. 🙂 I haven’t had a stalker in my life, Thank God for this! ♡

  15. Solitary Man is a good one. I also like Elvis’ Are You Lonesome Tonight and Chris Young’s Sober Saturday Night. I was divorced at 49 after 26 year marriage. Starting over is hard. Glad I found your blog.

    • I still am not necessarily “good” at picking the right men! 🙂 I admire your 26 years of marriage but feel this is also sad to have given so much time and part of your life to one man. I’m sorry but hope you feel some comfort and relief. I did focus five years ago on dating; hence the blog name . You may enjoy some of the crazy dates I went on.
      I did meet three men in the past ten years who I liked and spent a year or more, since we were divorced.
      I am sad the most recent one was due to his having a lot of emotional problems that didn’t show up the first ten months but as we got more serious his fears of my being like his ex (I’m not like what he describes) made him distance himself. Trust issues, I suppose. Feel free to share any thoughts or questions. Smiles, Robin

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