News from “Home”

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uAny time I was away from home, or my parents were away from my brothers and

me, we would hear ‘news’ to keep us connected. Many times, receiving a postcard

or a letter at Girl Scout (or in brothers’ case, Boy Scout) camp, we would feel their

love and be comforted. It is hard to imagine those days, no cell phones, no land-

lines allowed to be used unless by a camp authority figure, usually in case of

emergency, and the line when “Mail Call” came seems a little like when soldiers

get letters from home.

Mom had an accident on Sunday. The day Rich got back from Boy Scout camp

and hiking the “Buckeye Trail” helping Skler to earn the “Buckeye Trail” badge

after driving the hour to my house, then the almost 3 hours to Cleveland, he had

to rush to the hospital. Poor guy! Randy and his out of town art projects ‘gets him

off the hook’ and my being too far away to be a faithful responder, makes it his

position.

Rich left me a series of texts and then, one voicemail on my cell phone. Mom

had not eaten much all day, was taking care of some cleaning project around

her living room. Somehow, managed to have her head down low enough to

lose her balance, and didn’t have the energy to get off the floor. The place

she stays at has an ’emergency pull chain’ in every room, but she did not get

on her knees and crawl. The dining room takes ‘attendance’ and sent someone

to check on Mom. She crawled to the door, it sounds so dramatic.

Rich said she was so embarrassed about ” all the fuss” and wished they had

just helped her up and let her have some sips of her cold coffee. This would

have given her some energy, then knowing she missed dinner she said,

“I would have either heated a microwaveable dinner or made a sandwich.”

She was taken in an ambulance (I cringe at the cost, but oh well!) to the

hospital. She went through a ‘battery of tests’ Rich did not delineate them all

but a CT-Scan and X-rays were included. No head or brain damage, just two

ribs broken. Nothing but over the counter pain killer and a reminder for her

to take her two medicines. One is the new medication for slowing down the

process of Alzheimer’s. Randy and I don’t think she has this, she has dementia,

but we go along with it. The other one is her thyroid medicine. She is not very

good at being responsible, thinking a tablespoon of peanut butter, some juice

or milk, coffee and yogurt are enough to keep her going all day. There isn’t a

lunch program and the cafe which used to serve snacks closed due to low

amount of resident customers. She has a 5:30 p.m. dinner which she has been

so excited for getting to know a lot of people since they switched it from being

‘assigned seating’ to ‘Open seating.’

My Mom’s letter she wrote Sunday, before the accident had three jokes and

a few stories to share here. I like to think of this as ‘hump day,’ where working

people feel the rest of the week is going downhill, since we are now ‘over the

hump.’

These jokes are not her usual age related jokes. Joyce, her California friend,

who is affectionately known by friends and family as, “Pooky,” sent some

political stories which leaned too mush in one direction. I hope the fun of

reading a few light-hearted ‘religious’ jokes will not offend you. They may

lean a little on the traditional roles we may stereotype, but they seemed

harmless to me. I read these at lunch, then tucked them into my pocket to

share on the computer to my blogging friends.

************************************************************************************************

“One Sunday morning, a mother went in to wake her son and tell him it was

time to get ready for church.

His response was, “One, they don’t like me there and Two, I don’t like them.”

His mother replied, “I’ll give you two good reasons why you SHOULD go to

church! One, you’re 59 years old and Two, you’re their pastor!”

**************************************************************************************************

“The Usher”

“An elderly woman walked into the local country church. She did not attend her

church often, since she had poor eyesight and had to rely on friends for a ride.

A friendly usher greeted her at the door and helped her up the flight of steps.

“Where would you like to sit?” The man politely inquired.

“The front row, please. I am able to see better there.”

The usher asked her if she would like to have a Large Print Bible and the

woman declined the offer,

“I like to be able to hear and listen carefully to the Bible passages, so

sitting closer is the best for me.”

The usher was a little worried and told her, “You really don’t want to do that,

since the minister sometimes goes on and on, during the sermon, M’am.

There have been people who fall asleep sometimes.”

The woman was indignant, “Do you happen to know who I am?”

“No,” he nervously told her.

“I’m the minister’s mother.”

The usher asked anxiously,

“Do you know who I am?”

“No,” she replied still rather huffy.

“Good,” he answered and quickly walked away.”

********************************************************************************************

“The Best Way to Meditate”

“A priest, a pastor, a Muslim and a Guru were discussing the best positions

for meditation or prayer.

They had been friends for years, living in the same town, and trying to meet

the changing needs of the community.

They met monthly, rotating from home to home, since they were interested

in having an ecumenical gathering and were making plans over coffee, tea

and snacks.

While this solemn conversation was going on, a telephone repairman was

working on the priest’s phone line.

“Kneeling is definitely the best way to show you are respectful to God while

you pray,” the priest stated.

“No,” insisted the pastor, “I get the best results standing with my hands

outstretched to Heaven.”

The Muslim spoke,

“We face East, kneel and lean our upper body down prone showing our

submission to Allah. Jewish people have been known in their history, to

also face East.”

“You are all wrong,  The most effective position for meditation is lying

down on the floor. Or sometimes I will cross my feet, sit on the floor and

still my mind.”

The repairman who had been avidly listening to the lively discussion,

could not contain himself any longer.

“Hey, guys,” he interrupted, “The best prayer results I ever have had

was while I was hanging upside down from a telephone pole!”

**********************************************************************************************

Smiles and hugs sent your way.

If you have a funny story, joke or something to say,

please feel free to do so!

I

Don’t worry, be happy!

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About reocochran

I am experiencing crazy and hapless adventures in dating that may interest people over fifty. I am now approaching 62 later this year and enjoy taking photographs, incorporating stories or poetry on my blog. I have many old posts which are informative and written like essays. I have several love stories collected from family and friends. Even strangers spill their stories, since I am a grown version of the girl next door. I have been trying to live a healthy lifestyle with better food selections and active hiking and walking. I have written four children's books and illustrated them. They are not published but a battered women's shelter used one about neglect and abuse for their children's program and a 4H group used my "Kissing a Bunny is like saying a Prayer" as a coloring book. Please comment or respond so I may get a chance to know you. Sincerely, Robin

37 responses »

  1. Great jokes, Robin! And I am pleased to hear your mom will be alright… And she is surely worth “all the fuss!” I hope she heals quickly. As for keeping connected- I can appreciate the need for messages from home, my own family being across the ocean. 😦 have a lovely day, darling girl! MH

    • I love this last thought, MH! I may have put too many ‘r’s’ on your name, so won’t call you by your given name here and misspell it. I love being called, ‘darling gilr!’
      Thanks for reminding me how far your family is, across the ocean. I remember your trip across, your plane and trip adventures. If Mom would have gone with my Dad to computer lessons we could be simply internet connected but I do love ‘snail mail.’ Sent her a ‘Get Well’ card with cute animals who were Dr. and patient. Take care and hope you have a special, funweekend with a few moments of peace and quiet included. ha ha!

    • Pauline, thank you for understanding how it does seem a little hopeless or I feel helpless, being away from my Mom. I will be able to visit over our 3 day Memorial Day weekend. (End of May.)
      it is absurd that it costs her 1/2 the price of living where she does, compared to the equivalent places here in Central Ohio. My sister in law calls Cleveland, “the mecca of nursing homes.” We really tried to place my Mom here where her grandchildren and great grandies are. My two brothers and sister in law live close to her, though.
      Meanwhile, so glad you enjoyed the jokes, which would mean a lot to my Mom since she gets a pile or ‘slew’ of jokes from her friend and tries to pick ones which are ‘appropriate.’ Her concept of my being a blogger, since last summer, is that I am a “published author.” She loved Siddy’s photos last year…. Smiles, Robin

    • Thanks, Jill, for your happy thoughts for my Mom’s health. I sent her the cutest Suzie’s Zoo card with animals dressed as a nurse, doctor and patient. Glad you liked the jokes, too.

    • Thanks, Beth, for your being relieved about my mother. Mom gets thrown or out of whack, if I call her. She immediately reverts back to the days where phone calls were used for emergencies.
      If I call her, her first words are, “What’s wrong?” (smiles.)
      In college, I would write her, she would write me. If I were heading home, I would tell her approximate arrival time, depending on people I found on the “Ride board.”
      In the old days, I would take rides from other students, not really knowing them. These days, I would not wish students to do this. Someone could be not a student, meet and pick you up, or they could be a ‘bad’ person. I added this just in case young people stumble upon this… smiles back at you, Beth.

      • I used to be the driver, because I had a four door car at school and was willing to drive at night on dark mountain roads in snow! Nowadays, I wouldn’t dream of doing it. I am shocked that my parents let me! 😀

      • You were even then, helping others to get home through snow and weather challenges over mountain roads, Beth. smiles!

  2. Ach! Your poor mom! I don’t blame her for not liking the fuss. Who enjoys that? I’m glad to hear she is okay. Thank her for the funnies! Those ribs will hurt for awhile I’m sure. Tell her to double up on that peanut butter. 🙂

    • I will tell her to double up on the natural style smooth peanut butter which is in huge jars, just in case this is all she chooses to eat. When I am there she will go to breakfast in the dining room, eat oatmeal, fresh fruit and of course, coffee. If I am not there, it is take the dog for her walk, come back and feed Nicki, drink coffee, eat a cookie and peanut butter. Smiles!
      I like that ‘ach!’ Reminds me of my German grandmother, my Mom’s Mom.

  3. I am sorry to hear about your mother. I hope she mends quickly and keeps her sharp wit.

    Here are a couple of jokes for you:

    Father O’Malley was driving down to Boston when got stopped for speeding in Medford. The highway patrol officer smelled alcohol on the priest’s breath and then saw an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.
    He said, ‘Father, have you been drinking?’
    ‘Only water’, replied Father O’Malley.
    The policeman asked, ‘Then how come I can smell wine?’
    The priest looked at the bottle and said, ‘Good Lord! He’s done it again.’

    St. Peter addressing a newly arrived priest at the gates of heaven:
    ‘Technically, I suppose you are correct. However, we prefer not to think of this as a gated community.’

    And finally:
    A rabbi, a pastor and a priest walk into a bar. The bartender looks up as they sit together at the counter and says, ‘What is this, some kind of a joke?’

    – Mike

    • Thank you, Mike. I hope she doesn’t laugh or the ribs may hurt! ha ha. Not meaning I am laughing at her, but should she get more funny jokes…
      I will write out your jokes for her, or seeing her end of May, I tend to show her the posts which have comments. They make her think I am a ‘published author,’ which she goes around and tells fellow residents at her senior living apartment complex.
      I am glad you included some jokes, Mike.
      I like that God made water turn into wine, good one!
      I like the good use of ‘gated community,’ Mike.
      The last one, although corny, it was great!! Thanks and have a great weekend, Mike!

  4. It’s so hard seeing our elderly parents go through so much. But your mom is definitely a fun one! Dad entered the hospice facility yesterday. And last night his friend took him out for a golf cart ride!

    • I am sorry he has been declining, Luanne. This would be especially difficult. I am glad his friend took him out for a golf cart ride. Love the idea of fun, no matter what or my goodness, now or never!

      • Today he got to see the great granddaughter :). That’s my brother’s granddaughter. Thanks, Robin. xo

      • I am so glad your Dad got to see his great granddaughter. This was special for them to spend time together. I was an infant and my brothers were not born yet, when my great grandparents passed away. Hoping he is comfortable and not in any pain. Love the way you are all rallying around and finding memorable and meaningful activities during this time, Luanne. Sending you lots of hugs.

    • Thank you! This is so thoughtful of you and she will mend and this is not as bad as some elderly people have to handle. My Mom will be 87 later this year and she is a blessing to all who meet her. Smiles, Robin

      • Its really lovely to know about your sweetest mom!! She is a wonderful lady. Wish her a very healthy and happy life 🙂 Lots of love and best wishes!! 🙂 Nothing like blessings of mothers 🙂

      • Thank you, Mithai. This was such a lovely comment and I will pass these kind words on to her, when I see her next. Hope you will be able to spend time with special women in your life. Do you still have a mother, aunt or grandmother to hug and celebrate upcoming Mother’s Day? I like how you said “Nothing like blessings of mothers.” So true, my dear.

  5. Are they all supposed to make their own lunches, or do you think they just snack on something light until dinner comes around? I am glad your mom is okay.

    • They used to have a dining room lunch, not many came. Then, a little cafe, where sandwiches were made. They kept track of numbers and found they were throwing away leftover sandwiches and soup. This is strange for a place with so much to offer.
      I appreciate your asking questions and being interested! We buy her microwave meals, all kinds of yogurt, applesauce, other light foods. There are always many people up and about at breakfast but my mom and dad, once they retired were late night owls! She continues this ‘bad’ habit, and the dining room for breakfast closes at 10 a.m. Thank you for saying you were glad she is okay. Hope you are having a wonderful weekend, Kerbey!

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