Category Archives: breaking up

The meaning behind kisses

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My coworker and friend’s words stopped me in my tracks yesterday.

Amy said, “Roy doesn’t kiss me.”

I turned to look at her, my beautiful and lively horse-backing friend,

owner of Spirit and Lokie.

I have worried about her, since the beginning of the year, when her

divorce was finalized. She has been a single woman trying her ‘wings’

lately, with a man named Tom and another named Roy.

Her grown children have been more on the side of her ex, even despite

the fact that he is the one who has notably, in over 25 years of marriage,

had affairs.

Twelve years ago, he had children with another woman, for Pete’s sake!

Amy allowed the twins to visit at her home, living proof of his rampant

unfaithfulness. She would have tolerated this forever. She was a believer

in marriage and its lasting forever, ‘for better or worse!’

This last time, her husband had chosen a woman who was a neighbor,

who had been a so-called ‘friend.’ This would have been my ‘last straw!’

Only after this ‘other’ woman ‘made’ him get a divorce to marry her, was

Amy released from a private ‘hell’ that she had been in, for so long. It is

hard for her to know what to do with her new freedom.

Men have been coming ‘out of the woodwork’ to ask her out on dates.

She has been enjoying all the attention. I have been happy for her, listening

to her different stories.

So, what was this about kissing?!

I thought every man who dated a woman, would eventually kiss them!

Roy has been in her life for about 5 months, the brother of the stable

owner.

Roy is a past rodeo cowboy and his photograph shows a sturdy, thin

attractive Clint Eastwood type. Amy likes him a lot more than the Tom

guy.

I have been listening to her ‘soap opera,’ for many months, while most

of the other order fillers have begun to ‘tune her out.’

Or worse, make fun of her, behind her back!

I have ‘been there, done that,’ as far as my dating history and failed

relationships.

So I understand the need to validate behaviors along with needing a

‘listening and sympathetic ear.’

“Amy!”

I used my stern voice to exclaim,

“What in the world are you talking about? You have had multiple dates

with Roy! You go to Indian Lake and stay in a cabin with him!”

She looked at the ground, saying,

“I was afraid you would lecture me about this! He never kisses me.”

I answered in an upset tone,

“Well, I think about Julia Roberts’s prostitute role, explaining to Richard

Gere’s character, how people aren’t allowed to kiss on the mouth, no

matter how much they pay their prostitute.”

(“Pretty Woman,” movie reference.)

I added hastily,

“You are not one, of course!”

Amy looked sheepishly at me,

“I was really hoping you were going to give me an example of someone

who did this, who was intimate with you but still preferred not to kiss!”

I could feel my brow creasing, my furrow between my eyes deepening

with my concern and caring for her. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings or

make a hasty judgment about Roy, but. . .

“No, haven’t experienced this one before, Amy! I honestly have had only

one man who didn’t like to open mouth kiss, but that didn’t last long.

Sorry, as time went on, it got annoying kissing someone like I did my Dad

and brothers!”

And I knew this would not be what she wanted to hear but I had to add this:

“Amy, you need to back away from Roy. There is something seriously wrong

that you two have slept together and never kissed!”

Amy came to Roy’s defense,

“But Robin, he gives great foot and back massages!”

I told her that once my ex-husband and I broke up, I dreamed about being

kissed. I wanted those lingering, sweet trembling moments that would make

my knees quiver and shake!

I even had daydreamed and pictured special kisses, where my soul would

glide into another’s soul, finally knowing what the concept of “Being One”

would mean!

I also wondered aloud,

“Don’t you want the silky, sexy kisses which turn into passionate, arousing

ones?”

My brothers are very different in their hugging modes, one is a sideways,

pat on the back or shoulder kind of guy, while the other gives great, warm

bear hugs. Both love me and are my best guy friends in the world! I did not

want to go into past men in my life or details. It is best to keep the

past in the past.

I told her my personal thoughts about ‘romance.’

“I feel slow dancing and passionate kisses are foreplay!”

I saw her shoulders drop and she turned to what she had been doing,

since her job is to count products in the bins, (Cycle Count department.)

I passed her with my long hampers, filling them with cords, wipers and

other longer items. The line was going the other way, away from Amy.

When it came time for break, she was happy again, telling me that Roy

had her to do something with him later that night. She felt that he was

going to do something special.

She thought, maybe they would talk about the lack of kissing.

“Maybe he is a ‘germaphobe?'” she wondered.

I nodded my head and told her the most validating thing I could think

of at the time,

“Whatever floats your boat, Amy. Remember to always be true to

yourself!”

 

Have you ever been in a relationship where one of you didn’t like to kiss?

Was there any psychological or meaningful reason for this?

I could give Amy some explanation, if I were better prepared!

Or is it like I fear? That this is a way to put distance between them, like

a wall between them? Is Roy doing this so that Amy isn’t bound to him?

I worry about her being ‘used’ by someone who is not appreciating her

the way she deserves to be.

Saturday Hobbies

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When my parents married, my father didn’t really like ‘jocks.’

He was, and always will be, a ‘nerd,’ in some people’s books. I

laugh at the line in Shania Twain’s song, “That Don’t Impress

Me Much,” when it talks about a ‘rocket scientist.’ My father

could have easily been a mechanic or a carpenter. He was good

with his hands. As a hard-working pre-teen, he hitchhiked to

Covington, KY to work, sweeping White Castle out, for his and

his mother’s rent money. Once a kindly truck driver took him,

(I have mentioned this before) to the top of the hill overlooking

the ‘ghetto’ or poor section of town. My Dad was told the magical

(paraphrased) words, “You can be somebody, if you go to this

college,” (University of Cincy) and ‘rise above your roots.’

My Dad took those words to heart.

I won’t repeat my parents’ love story but I will tell you another

facet about my Dad’s life.

He was not interested, once married to my Mom, in extra-curricular

activities. My Dad enjoyed hobbies, such as painting, building and

fixing things around the house.

Working first at Oak Ridge, Tennessee on the nuclear reactor, then

settling into Sandusky, Ohio working as a team leader at Plum Brook,

he was happy to ‘putter’ around the house, ride bikes with us, go

on hikes or build treehouses, sandboxes, bookcases or other things

that made our lives enriched. He was a Boy Scout leader for my brothers’

troop and gladly square-danced with my friends and me, at our annual Girl

Scout’s “Father-Daughter Dance.”

He was not asked to golf or go out for drinks after working at NASA all day,

since he was known to be a ‘straight shooter.’ Sometimes, my Mom will lately

wonder what would have happened with his career, had he done these simple

activities with coworkers. Would he have not chosen to retire at age 55, when

he reached his thirty years’ mark?

Later, when he wrote a semi-autobiographical book called, “Hot Lab,”

he did it under a pseudonym. He didn’t want to get in trouble, but

he predicted nuclear reactor’s breakdowns, like “China Syndrome” (film)

and Chernobyl (real life). But probably most of the purchases of his

book were by coworkers and neighbors. I was proud, at age 15, to have

been the one he turned to, to be his ‘editor,’ since he wanted it to

‘flow’ and be readable. He included a part of the semi-autobiographical

book, where the main character indulges in ‘feeling up’ a secretary.

My mother never gave it a second thought, she knew it wasn’t possible

for her husband to engage in adultery. She did get upset, during one

period of my Dad’s career, the way a secretary flirted outrageously,

with my father. There is a post, where I wrote about this, but my Mom

‘put a stop to that nonsense!’

My parents, like Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton, were very loud

and raucous, at times, before I took over the editing and typing the

manuscript on one of those old black, gold letter typewriters. Maybe

it was a Royal, but it could have been a Remington?

In other words, had my Dad given any advice at all about marriage, he

would have said to be passionate, involved and ‘don’t fool around.’

I passed this on recently to my handsome son, who could easily choose

to go down the ‘wrong path’ his own father chose. My first husband,

first love and meeting on the first day of college, my only chance at

a lifelong marriage, chose after we had children, to wander off on

weekends, after work to bars and basically, not be ‘engaged’ in his

children or wife. My son is quite the opposite, works all day as a

cook (now a ‘chef’) and comes home to clean the kitchen, make dinner

and plays with his children. He loves to hike, climb on the toys and

I have two pictures of him, up in a tree, one with his five year old

and the other with his three year old girls, (My M & M granddaughters.)

So, don’t take this personally, guys. You may go off and make your wives

‘golf widows,’ and that may be their means of escaping to the grocery

store or malls, watching romantic comedies with girlfriends, or other

ways to show their freedom, too.

My youngest daughter and I watched, “The Other Woman,” movie last night

at the Polaris Rave Theatre. The audience included mostly women, along

with a few elderly couples. A lot of raucous laughter ensued! I would

recommend seeing this with a daughter, niece or if you are young, friends

who are heading to the altar. The trio of comedic actresses are Cameron Diaz,

Leslie Mann and Kate Upton. Don Johnson plays Cameron Diaz’s father. The

best actress in a comedy role, since Melissa McCarthy, is Leslie Mann! She

is hilarious! If there is a part of the movie, that will burst you into

roaring laughter is the ‘bit’ where Leslie’s character is getting ready to

be a burglar, private investigator and follow her husband around; That

sneaking ‘bastard!’ (Excuse the swear word!)

At the end of the movie, we hugged and smiled. But then, as we walked out

to the ladies’ restroom, my only ‘single’ daughter, age 28, said these

serious words, “Mom, how did you do it? How did you trust again, after

you were in a couple of marriages with men who put their own personal

life ahead of their family?”

Great question! I should not have married the fraternity man, the one

who loved the Bengals and who was the quarterback on his high school

football team! What was I thinking at age 22?

I believed that it was possible for my ex, to be like my Dad, with

absolutely no ‘frame of reference,’ and choose to be a better person.

It still to me, constantly amazes me! (I mean, who “falls in love” on

the first day of college, age 18?!)

My second husband, came from a family of a father with a stepmom, who

met all the qualities of the “Evil Stepmother.” She had cream carpet

upstairs, so she put the three boys in a cold, cement basement with

beds and an area rug. They were aged 3, 5 and 7. I think about my

wishes for ‘saving him’ from his past. You cannot sometimes ‘fix’

someone, no matter how hard I tried to pour love, sex (lots of it!)

and my family who accepted this ‘broken man.’ It didn’t work.

You may wonder where I am going with this, I am heading to the humorous

part. My daughter will find a much better man, having my life to be an

example of ‘don’t do as I did, do as I say…’ policy.

She sees her brother doing a great job, braiding My Little Pony’s tails

and manes. She knows a Doctor, who she worked for as a babysitter first.

Later, she worked on breaks from college, in his office. This man will

be one she can focus on. He cherishes and adores his wife and kids.

And, yes, on Saturday mornings, he walks the two boys down the street to

eat breakfast at Hamburger Inn. He allows his wife and baby daughter to

sleep in, to indulge in a few extra minutes of rest. While he is ‘building’

two fine, young men by setting an example of a good husband and father.

While building a relationship with his family, he is also setting a role

model for my daughter. My children had a grandfather, but no great fathers,

to set these examples for them.

Here are two golf jokes that are stories, but not true! Mom found them:

1. “Ed and Nancy met while on a singles’ cruise. Ed fell head over

heels for her.

When they discovered they lived in the same city only a few miles apart,

Ed was ecstatic. He immediately started asking her out when they got

home.

Within a couple of weeks, Ed had taken Nancy to dance clubs, restaurants,

concerts, movies and museums. Ed became convinced that Nancy was indeed

his soul mate and true love. Every date seemed better than the last.

On the one-month anniversary of their first dinner on the cruise ship,

Ed took Nancy to a fine restaurant. While having cocktails and waiting

for their salad, Ed said,

‘I guess you can tell I’m very much in love with you. I’d like a little

serious talk before our relationship continues to the next stage. So,

before I get out of my jacket a little box for you, I think it is only

fair to warn you, I am a total golf ‘nut.’ I play golf, I read about golf,

I watch golf, in short, I eat, sleep and breathe golf!

If that’s going to be a problem for us, you’d better say so now.”

Nancy took a deep breath and responded, “Ed, that certainly won’t be a

problem. I love you as you are and I love golf, too. But, since we’re

being honest with each other, you need to know that for the last five

years, I’ve been a hooker.”

Ed said, “I bet it’s because you’re not keeping your wrists straight

when you hit the ball.”

2. Subject: Golf Joke

“Wife: ‘Where the heck have you been? You said you’d be home by noon!’

Husband: ‘I’m so sorry, honey… but you probably don’t want to hear

the reason.’

Wife: ‘I want the truth, and I want it NOW!’

Husband: ‘Fine. We finished in under 4 hours, quick beer in the club-

house, I hopped in the car, and would have been here at noon, on the

button. On the way home, I spotted a girl half our age, struggling

with a flat tire. I changed it in a jiffy, and next she’s offering me

money. Of course, I refuse it. Then she tells me she was headed to the

bar at the Sheraton Hotel, and begs me to stop so she can buy me a beer.

She’s such a sweetie, I said ‘yes,’ before you know it– one beer turned

into 3 or 4. I guess we were looking pretty good to each other. Then she

tells me she has a room there, less than 50 steps from our table.

She suggested we get some privacy while pulling me by the hand.

Now, I’m in her room… clothes are flying… the talking stopped…

and we proceed to have sex in every way imaginable. It must have gone

on for hours, because before I know it the clock says 5:30.

I jumped up, threw my clothes on, ran to the car, and here I am!

There. You wanted the truth. You got it!

Wife: Bull —-! You played 36 holes, didn’t you?!”

Hope you got a few laughs out of these! Imagine, my Mom (age 86),

saving these for me to share with you!

A Dip into Serendipity

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A journey that once had begun, had gotten swept

under the table. The story had included exciting

beginnings and abrupt endings. It could have been

a nice, safe trip along smooth railroad tracks in

a predictable direction. Instead it had been quite

dramatic.

The way it all began was discussed, along with

where it had become derailed. It seemed suddenly

urgent to get the passengers united to head into

the future, reconnecting ties that had been torn

and broken.

Seemingly impossible reasons, years ago, to ever

be healed, were forgotten and forgiven.

Ice cream was delicious at Graeter’s in Upper

Arlington, Ohio last night. The ice cream place

is a franchise started in Bexley, Ohio, in 1870.

The relationship had started in 1980, between four

close friends, two couples who were into natural

foods, a Lancaster co-op and a business together.

From friendship, sharing stories, then traveling

a long and winding path that took both couples in

different directions.

From the traditional beginning, which had led

into separated, fractured lives, arose a child.

It was an unplanned and unexpected event. It

would leave a lasting, hurtful impact on all,

from 1985 until 2014.

The strange story would include heartbreak and

some moments of crying. The redemption, found on

3/21/14, would heal most of the wounds.

Who would have thought the woman with the ‘white

picket fence’ background would have held such a

wild story behind her outwardly quiet demeanor?

The serendipity was the ties that brought someone

from a far distance, of St. Louis, Missouri, back

to Ohio. The trip originally had nothing to do

with the woman nor her golden child.

A letter, sent out like a beacon, had been mailed

over cyber-space. Previously sent, hand written

letters, over the years, had been met with

silence.

No answers.

A coincidental trip to a gravesite in Cincinnati,

was fortuitous for the people to be reconnected.

Death had been over a few years ago, it was in

the memory of that loved one, the journey had

been made back to Ohio.

Tears of happiness flowed. Sweet memories of a

happier time embraced the four people sitting

across from each other.

Stories of the past, including similar family

histories of international immigration; one

generation ago for the father and two generations

for the mother. Unknowingly, both parties had

heritage from Germany. This shared lineage filled

the minds of the people with wonder. Over twenty

or more years ago, they had not asked each other

such questions.

Other kindred moments, included a love of music,

one for an accordion, another for a clarinet.

Two hands that reached out, were held, showed

dryness of skin, smallness in size and arthritic

joints. Family physical traits passed down.

Personality traits, such as independent streaks,

with some admission on both parties, of being

rather self-centered between child and father

were exchanged.

Faded, tarnished memories of the Lancaster days

were renewed and explained. They lost their

rusty feel and became polished, smoothed over.

Time truly heals all wounds.

The ties are now beginning and reaching out.

They are beautifully becoming braided into a

circular wreath where the child now knows of

another family. Intertwining, growing and

letting go of the hurt and regret.

The family was a gift well received.

The failed attempts to have connections had been

shared with the child, over the years. The way it

disappointed her, had recently come to light.

The other family is filled with aunts, uncles and

cousins who long to know the estranged member.

I indulged in my favorite choice of butter pecan

ice cream, covered with Graeter’s ‘homemade’ recipe

sauce of butterscotch, real whipped cream and a

cherry on top.

The symbolism of a cherry on top was the real,

relieved feelings, bubbling to my soul’s surface.

My family member had a simple scoop of butter

toffee chip, while the father ate chocolate chip.

The fourth person had an ice cream cone with a

cup of freshly brewed coffee.

He was the observer, the in-law, who would be the

recorder of the tale to regale the Missouri folks

back home. He had captured all parties in photos,

sent via telephone, as soon as taken.

The observer was warm and welcoming and through

his part as the ‘new’ uncle, he introduced one

of the first cousins into our conversation.

A girl named Brianna, age 12, who will be part

of my child’s life forever.

One of many new connections…

The wise, well humored observer asked if this

would be included in the title of my next post

on my blog: Serendipity.

I was not sure, at that moment, if I would indulge

in another post. Sharing this may be too much.

I mentioned that I had written a “Carry On” post,

earlier in the week. After much reflection last

night, I chose to share this story here.

Albeit in a bare bones, no details’ way.

Pieces of the puzzle fell into place.

The ‘once upon a time’ heavy weight was removed,

thrown out the window, for good.

By myself, I drove up the road on 315, a curving

tree-darkened route that led to my adopted home

of Delaware.

I had fled from another small town, almost 28

years ago.

The last remnants of the weight, the ‘chips on my

shoulder’ were lifted.

Its breadth and depth, unable to fully explain

to others who had known me.

All I know this was no longer needed to be held

on to. The baggage had no necessary purpose or

reason to be kept anymore.

There still is a chance for this ‘white picket

fence’ woman with the ‘solid core’ and deep roots,

to have her happy ending. Her child could now

proceed with new ties that bind.

Not the way she had visualized from her childhood,

but still a fantastic way to close the book.

Carry On

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Isn’t it marvelous when a burden is lifted from your

shoulders? When you know that everything is finally

going to be all right. I have three grown children who

when they are ‘down’ or have worries, I feel some of

that empathetic worry, myself.

On my way to work, I heard the band, Kansas, singing a

song straight to my heart. It was such an appropriate

song for this first day of freedom from worry for one

of my loved ones! This progressive rock band’s single,

an oldie but goodie, begins like this:

“Carry on, my wayward son,

There’ll be peace when you are done.

Lay your weary head to rest,

Don’t you cry no more.”

(Written by Kerry Livgren, 1976.)

One of my children no longer has to feel like there

isn’t closure in a personal situation. I am so happy that

I will be walking around, sighing in relief, possibly this

could have been noticeable to others, had they been working

in my area today.

I wanted to write a poem expressing this wondrous feeling

of joy and weightlessness, floating around the atmosphere…

but I just couldn’t write poetry today.

Instead I thought of a list, one that would have life’s

irritations and burdens included. Where you, as readers,

may choose one that really had an impact on your life.

A time when it was very challenging to put one foot

before the other one, making moving forward an almost

impossible task.

Here are a few feelings you may relate to, have had

experiences with and have made it through to “the

other side.”

Unfinished business.

Disappointments.

Life’s Abrupt Changes.

Long-Distant Move.

Major Transition.

Debilitating Illness or Disease.

Unresolved Issues.

Disaster.

Death of Loved One(s.)

Death of Friend(s).

Death of a Beloved Pet.

A Series of Uncontrollable Events.

Divorce.

Fire.

Break up/ heart break.

Piles of bills and debt.

Suicide Attempt.

Anorexia/Bulimia.

Alcoholism.

Addiction.

Troubles.

In my family member’s case, something had been left

opened for years, festering, lasting longer than it

deserved to. It had a ‘hold’ on my loved one, who was

dwelling on it and not really enjoying life as much as

they should have been. Closure was reached last night!

Hurray! Yippee!

The more recent American indie band, Fun, put out a great

lively song called, “Carry On,” (2012). The lyrics were

written by a combination of the band members and producer.

Nate Reuss, Andrew Dost, Jack Antonoff and Jeff Bhosker.

Another song with the name of “Carry On,” performed by

the legendary band of Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young, was

written in 1991,by Stephen Stills. It is meaningfully

written about relationships.

Although the Disney movie, “Frozen,” won for the song,

“Let It Go,” I chose this song because my grandkids love

to belt it out, both boys and girls alike! It gets very

grand at one point, where you need to raise your voice!

This can be very exhilarating and liberating. This helps

to remove any cobwebs that are caught in your mind. It

could raise your spirits considerably. The power in the

words of this song, can alleviate some of your pain and

heartache.

I think the act of singing, while driving down the road,

particularly, can make you feel ‘free’ of sadness.

“Let It Go,” was written by the husband and wife team of

Robert Lopez and Kristen Anderson-Lopez, sung by Idina

Menzel. There also is a Demi Lovato cover of the same

song.

In conclusion, music lifts our spirits. Other things

can be chosen depending on your individual tastes and

interests to help release the ‘angst.’

Some very serious problems can not be handled simply by

engaging in walks in parks. That is something for me that

helps me unwind and think. I like to see nature and its

wonder, and sometimes it relieves my temporary depression

by knowing I am but a small part of a greater world.

Meditation can remove the rocks in the way on your journey

through life. Seeking counseling can help you to have a

neutral party to listen, absorb your pains and anger, then

help by gently guiding you to a safer, saner existence.

When was the time you felt heavy in spirit, dragged down so

low it was hard to be motivated to do daily chore? Do you

mind sharing it? If not, please share techniques that helped

you and this will encourage someone, maybe even today, to

be able to…

“Carry on.”

Strange Changes

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This is going to be filled with mysteries and wonders.

Well, mainly situations that are confusing to me!

I could have just as well named this: “Texts and Subtexts.”

In no particular order, I begin with a man who is about

my age. He has been rather friendly at the library on a few

occasions. He has told me things about his dogs around the

holidays. I may have written about him before.

We have been elbow to elbow, on side by side computers

several times. Each time he has been open and gregarious.

Our conversations usually impart brief details.

His sister lives in California.

There is a unique company that makes ‘dog booties’ to keep

big and small animals’ paws warm in the cold weather.

What did I know about this subject?

I knew that I have seen little dogs, like my Mom’s ‘other’

dog, who lives with my brother and sister in law, (Bella)

wear sweaters but, no, honestly their Golden Retriever and

Newfoundland relish and roll around in snow.

This man is named Roger, introduced himself one late

afternoon, before Saturday’s library closing time. He

wondered,

“Would you like to grab a quick dinner since I have to

get home in time to walk my dogs?”

He went on to explain he has two large dogs.

I smiled telling him that I had shared, in a past talk,

that my brother and his wife also had two big dogs.

Roger didn’t seem to notice that we had had more than a

conversation or two.

I pondered, I stalled and then, due to a certain weird

inner feeling, I declined and told him,

“Thank you anyway.”

About five minutes later, he chose to rummage through his

back pack, taking things out of it, kind of piling them

close to my ‘space.’ The last thing he pulled out of

this mess was a familiar looking plastic bag with a

famous dog ‘treat’ name on it. He did not seem to be

noticing this, pulling out a long ‘Pupperoni.’ As I was

looking at him, sideways, I pulled in my breath, producing

an exclamatory,

“Huh!”

He looked down and then, of course, he told me he thought

he had grabbed a different kind of snack to nibble on. I

let it go, but he started to tell me he loves ‘Slim Jim’s’

and they look just like this. I nodded my head and kept on

blogging.

It did seem rather funny, but I kept my sniggering at him,

inside me!

Early this week I saw Roger and there were no other

computers available, except the one beside him. I sat down

and said a quiet and polite, “Hi.”

I started taking out my story about Mom and our visit over

the weekend. He looked at me closely and said,

“Hey, I asked you out a few weeks’ back, didn’t I?”

I whispered back,

“Yes, how have you been?”

(Hard to break my politeness, even when I was trying to put

him off.)

He answered that it was finally clearing up and the

weather was getting warmer by Valentine’s Day.

I (seriously) did not respond or ‘bite on that lure.’

This is the puzzling thing, as I was packing up and

putting my notebook, gloves and pen away in my own bag,

I saw a woman approach Roger from the back of his chair.

She placed both hands on his shoulders and asked,

“Are you ready to go, honey?”

Not cool, Roger!

I wonder if I had chosen to go out for that ‘quick bite’

a few weeks’ ago, what kind of story he would have told,

upon arriving home,

full of food?

Hmmm…

My dear, old friend, Bill, has been the subject of at least

once a month stories, due to our First Friday’s out and our

having been friends, parents of children who are also

friends and our two oldest daughters are still coworkers.

He has been in a six to eight month relationship with a

younger woman named, Heather. We have spent at least a

half hour or more each month dissecting someone I have

been interested in, past or present, and more than that

about his ‘girlfriend.’ They have taken a ‘break’ from

being physically involved, but they spend every work break

(third shift, so I don’t see them, except as they leave) and

many mornings after Bill drives her children to school.

This is not an unusual circumstance, people remain friends

after they have ‘broken up,’ but this next part is the very

confusing “news.”

Bill is moving into Heather’s apartment building, which

is actually a large, older home that has been sectioned

off into four or five apartments. She will live on a

different floor in her own apartment, with her children

and she will also be his ‘on site’ apartment manager.

I am wondering how I would survive this new arrangement,

with ANY of the diverse men I have dated and then, ‘moved

on’ from?

Good luck on that, Bill! And I expect to hear more of

the different details of your inexplicable, crazy life!

Melvin was open to answering questions about the Beatles

and his girlfriend, during a recent break at work. He

feels that the Beatles’ influences are too numerous to

even contemplate! His favorite songs from their career

include, “Get Back, Jo Jo!” and “Give Peace a Chance.”

When I asked him, “What are your plans for Valentine’s

Day?”

He responded that his girlfriend of over fifteen years,

who he lives with, and he were planning to go the base

commissary to pick up some groceries. Also, that they might

eat lunch out, since we expect to be out of our work by

ten thirty or eleven o’clock, tomorrow.

I asked this normally affectionate and warm man, to all

around him, what was Melvin’s special gift he was giving her?

In his rarely used, ‘cocky’ attitude voice, he responded,

“Why, Robin, she will receive the pleasure of my company!”

My response was to roll my eyes at him, head out of the

break room and back to work!

As I was leaving, Melvin almost ran to catch up with me,

asking me if I would like him to buy a bottle of Tart

Cherry juice for my gift from him, at the commissary?

(He says this cures all ills you may have. He has tried

to campaign for me to start using this antidote to the

different aches and pains that I sometimes join in with

others who are complaining.)

Much later, digging himself into a hole, Melvin said that

he wished I would go swimming with his girlfriend and

himself at the local YMCA, and added,

“With a bikini on!”

Men!

The man who I have mentioned, Mark, who is my coworker

who has my phone number and we have had some great and

revealing conversations with told me about his fears

about his mother in this inclement weather. Mark has

been noticeably absent recently and I was glad to hear

that his reason is that if ice or cold would somehow

effect the electricity at his rural located house, he

needs to be there to start the ‘back up generator.’

I was glad to hear that his mother and he were not sick

and wished him a good weekend, when I was leaving to

head to my Mom’s. I was pleased to have him worry about

my traveling back on Sunday, too.

If this is going to develop into a relationship, it is

looking like it will take awhile. It’s moving at a

snail’s pace. Or slower than molasses!

Back to the subject of men and their approaches to life.

I am wondering if you have ever thought I would be open

to beginning an affair or flirtatious email interactions

with a man in a committed relationship?

Do I give off these ‘vibes?’

I wondered about this and my closest girlfriend says, “No

way! You have blogged about your ex-husband and how you

don’t have a broken moral compass. Also, you have only

said, ‘hugs’ when writing notes online, and you would

never do this, Robin!”

I have had that man at the library (who now we all know

is married) and a man who asked for my email address who

complained about his relationship with his wife. I have

been on a fellow blogger’s site where I have spent a

few conversations pressing my opinion that it is good

to try new things with your partner. I have also recommended

counseling and the movie, “Hope Springs” is rather explicit

in handling a love life that has turned into a ‘desert.’

And I mean an arid desert not a delicious dessert!

Anyway, I was disheartened with this personal exchange from

someone who has responded on my blog, although you would

not remember him, since his is very infrequent in his

comments.

I guess I just wanted to ask this question, letting you

know (and possibly visitors here, too) that I would not

want to get involved with a man who is either in a

marriage or a committed relationship. I don’t judge you

or anyone else, if you do this… Just don’t ask me to!

I would go back to my Pierce Brosnan, look alike, ex-husband

and have an affair…if I didn’t have a conscience.

(He has been married for over 20 years but pitches a campaign

once a year for me to ‘fool around’ with him.)

I would not go with any strangers nor participate in said,

“dirty talk” that you find in chat rooms, as this fellow

blogger suggested I do.

My politeness and indirect approach may have not been

understandable to the reader.

My direct approach with this subject and controversy is

hopefully clear as glass that has been polished with a

cleaning product like Windex!

Lastly, on this subject, I have never quite known what

Meatloaf, the singer, meant in his song,

“I Would Do Anything For Love.”

In my case, “I would NOT do that!”

Thanks for ‘listening’ to me.

Happy Valentine’s Day tomorrow!

Naysayers of the Beatles

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My response to the naysayers (some who are rather close to my

home and heart) of the Beatles is, “Really? Have you watched

their beginnings?” Three short months after the assassination of

United States President, John F. Kennedy, (and its devastating

aftermath) along came the introduction of these four young men.

Musicians, artists and poets known as the Beatles. They were

like a ‘breath of fresh air.’

I have a good male friend and one of my best female friends that

like to yank my chains by saying, “I don’t ‘get’ the Beatles.”

I respond, “Why have they endured?”

Were you there to see the changes and evolution from their

playful selves? As our country was fighting for Civil Rights

and the strife of riots in the streets of the South, church

burnings and other side effects that moved us to action, the

Beatles ‘changed their tune.’ They had started their career,

writing original love songs that had fun and simple themes.

I will always feel one of the best love songs they sang was,

“There’s Something in the Way She Moves Me.”

Then, in the 70’s they moved forward to write and sing “Revolution.”

The Peace movement created, “Let It Be.” “Imagine” and “Give Peace

A Chance.” These songs were John Lennon’s answer to ending wars,

like the Viet Nam ‘skirmish,’ which ended up having casualties of

58,200 of our American soldiers.

Again, I understand if you were too young or are still not

able to “get” the Beatles.” It is sometimes how deeply they

made, some of us, think and feel. How they touched our hearts

and, despite the frantic atmosphere we were growing up, they

were part of a generational movement.

By lighting the candles for us of Hope, Inspiration and Endless

Possibilities, we all endured.

They did not stand still and stay one kind of musician.

The Beatles are known for continuing to move forward and

‘evolving.’ They met the way times were changing head on,

filling their lyrics with the news.

There are plenty of examples of popular musical groups, like

the Herman’s Hermits, The Byrds and others who were similar.

They did have wonderful examples of lyrics and songs that

became part of our popular culture. There are the also more

strident and rollicking songs of the Rolling Stones and harder

driving musical groups that may be more the taste you prefer.

But, to be honest, what makes me respect a lot of these groups

is they came from hard working roots and they overcame them.

They had average families brought up in the Catholic church,

in small towns.

They developed character, through humor, respect, and their

continuing, abiding faith. Some of the members left Catholicism

and chose to embrace a universal faith. They consulted with the

Maharishi Mahesh Yogi. They looked beyond their families’ faith

and sought other levels of enlightenment. They came from England

yet became persons who believed in uniting the world, overcoming

and making it a better place and becoming personally better.

When Linda McCartney chose to eat vegan, that was years before

it became well known or a popular choice, at least among my

friends. The Linda McCartney Foods line is produced by Hain

Celestial, UK Ltd. There have been places on the internet that

focus on ‘voting’ to get this line of meat less meals to the

United States and Canada.

My parents liked and respected the Beatles. We had all of their

albums, while I played Apple 45’s on my little record player.

My father, particularly, liked listening to them. My Mom told us

that in Europe, there wasn’t the same “evils of blacks being

persecuted by whites,” that class structure was different, that

we were not as ‘advanced’ (sometimes she even used the words,

‘less civilized’) as they were. I do know that there was a lot

better examples of inclusion in the musical world, embracing

Motown Sound, starting rock n’ roll with Elvis’ influences.

By adding different styles to make it sound more interesting.

Here are three Beatles’ songs that reflect Motown influences:

“You Really Got A Hold On Me,” “Money” (That’s What I Want), and

“Please Mr. Postman,” all were included in the Beatle’s 2nd album.

There was a professor of Music at University of California,

Berkeley, who recently spoke on CBS Sunday Morning, February 2,

2014 edition.

She was telling the viewers, Berkeley has three Beatle courses,

that have been offered “for over fifteen years.” They are centered

on different aspects of the Beatles’ music.

One college course focuses on using the same chords, different

guitar skills and styles used or emphasized by the Beatles. The

second one deals or analyzes the Beatles’ poetry and writings

in their music. What it was that transferred their words into

becoming legendary songs. This course uses the Beatles as the

impetus to invention of students’ own original lyrics.

The final course is for musicians who wish to learn about the

art of performance. In my mind, the Beatles led others in this

area. Their usage of their natural abilities and personalities

to perform solidly made them popular. They had an innate sense

of how to behave appropriately in their first interviews, showing

humor, lovable and comical characters. They learned to transfer

their lighter weight style by including deeper thoughts, following

their changing beliefs.

This Berkeley Music professor said they recently had a sold

out campus musical performance that played the entire Beatles’

“White Album.” She said their music was able to stand up

against the “Test of Time,” evidenced by the 3 courses filling

up as soon as they are posted at Berkeley for the next semester.

Motown Sound members include “We Can Work It Out,” as one of

their own, using rhythm and blues, with jazz influences.

When a song can be heard years later, performed with a

different dimension of the sound, this is true artistry.

Several of the Beatles’ tunes, as soon as the first notes or

chords are played, I am transferred, taken back in time,

through the years, and my heart strings are again tugged on.

I can be reduced to tears by the beauty of the Beatles’ lyrics.

Fifty years have passed: I still hold the Beatles in high regard.

“Winter, Spring, Summer and Fall”

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I have had what seems like “lifelong friends,” that have

known me at my ‘worst,’ and cheered me on at my ‘best!’

I would love to hear about your friendships that have

endured time, travel, moving away from each other and

other trials and tribulations.

Thirty years ago, plus some ‘change,’ (1980), I went to

my first Welcome Wagon meeting. I had moved to Lancaster,

Ohio and had to turn down a continuing teaching position.

My ex-husband ‘couldn’t find a good job in Toledo area’

and had been working as a bartender through my subbing

and then, getting a wonderful and ‘perfect’ position.

His lateness, although irritating, never had bothered

me too much, until the birth of our daughter in March,

1980. I had ‘complained’ to my grandfather, who set

my ex up with a trip to Texas to interview for Armco

Steel Co. My grandfather had been an engineer and

written a worker’s manual for the company many years

prior to this time. He was concerned, as was I, of

the impact of drinking in my first husband’s life

upon a family. Anyway, Dave got the job for National

Supply, located in Logan, Ohio and it was apparent

to him, as he drove through Lancaster on his way

there and back, that we would be most happy in a

larger town than Logan. I ended up subbing there

and Rockmill, too. Little towns were fun to visit

and substitute in, but no, we were ‘city people.’

(He was from Cincinnati, I was from Cleveland, as

you know, met at college on the first day of school.)

Once we relocated to Lancaster, I read the Lancaster

Eagle Gazette’s headlines, “60 Teachers Laid Off.”

Oh no! I ended up choosing to advertise to babysit

other people’s children, also finding someone in

our townhouse area who would sporadically have me

watch her daughter, too.

I desperately needed an ‘excuse’ to make friends

and get out of the house! When I entered Welcome

Wagon, this will come across strangely, but I saw

Nancy from a distance. She was blonde, big blue

eyes and had this open looking face. When I approached

her, she beamed with the prettiest smile. I know, this

sounds like two future ‘lovers’ rather than the best

friends we became. We exchanged phone numbers and

within a week or two, we had our first coffee girls’

night out ‘date.’ We met at Frisch’s, two quite

different people, actually, at the time. I was a new

mother of a six month old, she was a working girl

and a computer ‘whiz.’ We chatted about Akron where

she was from, family and why we both needed to have

friends.

I had chosen to start going to the Presbyterian Church,

was inquiring if she would like to go. Interestingly

enough, she is the frequent church goer in that same

town, while I was great as a wife and mother, then

later, even better as a single mother of three, she

and her husband (now ex) were not interested in

attending. Her present husband is wonderful and they

have a lovely home, his daughter, fully grown and

her husband and their granddaughter, Giada.

What kept us going through all those years? We had

become leaders in the organization, I was President

and Nancy was Treasurer. (Or were you Vice Pres.?)

Anyway, we had card club gatherings and progressive

dinners, but always we had our Wednesday nights out

at Frisch’s. It was so nice to hear about her busy

life, and she welcomed comments about my daughter.

We shared the humdrum of our lives, each fascinated

by the other’s plight in life.

When she and her husband got divorced, I begged her

to stay in the business where she was in the computer

data field.She stayed and not too many months after

her divorce, her second husband, also working in that

field, asked her out and they became a couple, then

husband and wife. She and her second husband came to

my second child’s birth, hours later, at the hospital.

They also, attended my second marriage and saw my third

child, shortly after she was born.

There was a card I once saw, that had a mobster on the

front, it had a caption inside that said something like

this:

“You and me… we have to stay friends forever!

You know too much!”

That is how our Nancy and Robin days have been, there are

too many special occasions, memories shared, with

Nancy and Mike coming to Delaware to see graduations

and my son’s wedding…

What is most unbelievable, to both of us, plus others

who hear of our friendship, is that we have not lived

in the same town since 1986! We travel over an hour,

each way, to meet at the halfway point. You may have

read in a before Christmas post, that we used to meet

at a halfway Bob Evans, then one windy, snowing morning

early December, we drove into the Bob Evans’ driveway, up

to a chain that blocked entering, and I suggested going

back across the bridge over 270 and go to a Frisch’s.

Then, one June (we like to meet halfway through the

year), we drove up to the Frisch’s restaurant and

alas, it was closed! It has been about four years, 8

trips later, that we have been meeting at a Tee Jayes.

It is very nice and we have non-stop, ‘catch up’ talks

that make us seem very hyperactive, bringing bags of

books in the summer and gifts to exchange in our

“First Christmas” of the year time. We both exclaim,

“The Christmas Season cannot begin until we see each

other!”

My friend, Patrice, has been a longtime friend, she

and I were living in Batchelder Quadrangle, at BGSU

when we met. I have mentioned meeting her this past

summer, we had not seen each other more than three

times since she and I were at my first Wedding and

she was my Maid of Honor. We use our cell phones to

keep in touch and we have had two great visits, one

up in Charlevoix, MI and one in Lakewood, Ohio, where

Patrice grew up and I drove to meet her at her male

friend’s apartment. She stays, as a guest, in the

suite, not with her male friend from BGSU.

All of this trio of friends, has something unique

and permanent in their ‘true blue’ natures. I am

sure I must return something that is also rare and

special, for they have put up with me for all these

years! They are tied in First Place for Best Friends

of Robin!

My local “best” friend, I think, has to be considered

the one I get to see weekly. When we go more than a

week without seeing each other, we hug and exclaim,

“It seems like forever since I saw you!” We have that

kind of strong bond, that just happened over time.

When we first became friends, we met at an American

Association of University Women picnic at Mingo Park.

Believe it or not, I was supposed to be greeting

newcomers. (I am being facetious, since this is my

favorite role of all time! I was Miss Congeniality

in high school and never stopped that habit of

chatting and getting to know the ‘new face’ in

the room!

I did approach her, with a special smile on my face!

I know this is crazy, especially twice in my life, but

I just knew that Jenny would be a great friend! She

had short, attractive blonde hair and blue eyes. Isn’t

that weird that my Lancaster friend and my Delaware

friend look similar? Well, they also have fantastic

husbands, so I have seated them together at Jamie and

Trista’s wedding, at Felicia’s high school and college

graduation and Carrie’s high school graduation, too!

It is like a miracle that they have ‘stayed with me’

through my more than second time around marriages. They

have stopped and stayed forever and a day with their

second and best choices for husbands. While I just

sojourned on, with the third one and divorced again!

The card that makes me cry when I open it, is the one Jenny

gave me for my 58th birthday last Autumn. It has a notebook

lined-paper look, with a light mint green on the front. I

did not bring it to the library but the essence of this

awesome and unforgettable card says this:

“You were not with me in elementary school to play out on

recess. You were not my best friend when I was in high

school, so we couldn’t pass notes back and forth. You

are my best friend now, you will be my best friend

tomorrow and forever.”

That is a meaningful message for me. I can “count on

her,”

through thick and thin,

and all the Seasons…

“Winter

Spring

Summer

and

Fall…” (James Taylor song)

for the rest of my life!