There is love in the air recently with the warm breath of Spring coaxing it along!
There are two stories to prove it is happening close to us around here!
Scott C. (worker at Advance Auto) who recently went through a divorce, had
some good news. I had written a story about him mentioning his young age
of 30 years old and being a childhood friend of my middle child, and only
son. Scott had been online talking to a woman who is a teacher. Scott came
up to me at work to tell me first he had been chatting for almost a month.
Recently, Scott and his online acquaintance had been Skypeing. When he
heard she was going to Pennsylvania for Easter he felt an impulse to act!
He looked up her hotel online and started to think, “Hey, my kids are with
their mother for the holiday and my parents are going out of state to visit my
brother and sister in law… Maybe, I could meet her for the first time and
surprise her in PA!”
Well, if that isn’t a sweet thought, I don’t know what is! I realized to go over
7 hours driving one way would be a truly romantic gesture that only a young
and impulsive man might do! (Would a middle aged man do that for me?
Hmmm…. I wish!) Scott also made a hotel reservation at the same hotel for
himself where she would be staying at with her two Kentucky friends. The
three women would be traveling together since her friends had been invited
to her parents’ house.
This surprising her could have gone either of two ways! He could impress her
and make her very happy or he could embarrass himself ! (OR it could go over like
a lead balloon!) I was so happy to hear the end of the story and the pleasant results
that everything went smoothly. She said she already had a “big crush” on him and
now, she was beginning to “fall in LOVE” with him! He got to meet her family and
he said they really liked him also. Her friends that were staying at the hotel due to
her parents’ smaller home and tight quarters, also liked him. Scott did not expect to
be invited to the dinner, just had hoped to be able to go out with the three women on
their first night there (Good Friday).
Scott C. is a good catch and he stumbled upon her in an online chat room for
singles. Just a word of encouragement for those looking and using these places.
Another happy start to his new life as a single man, is a story involving a nice
man named Chad A. He is also a coworker of mine. I have become over time his
second mother. He is probably vaguely referred to in my posts that include my
breakroom and lunch table mates. Jill, Anna, Peggy and David are some of the
rest of the fellow group members.
Chad had married three years ago after meeting a woman named Pat at a friend’s
party. He had taken his bride to the hospital to see his mother who was not doing
so well with chemo treatments for her cancer. He had felt closer to Pat in a short
time than any other relationship from his post high school days. He now looks back
and can see the signs of future trouble but did not pay attention at the time. He feels
being distraught over his mother’s ongoing cancer and rapid health deterioration
made him make a rash decision to get married while she was alive. He and Pat made
uncomplicated arrangements with a short amount of time with help from Pat’s parents
and some financial help from his father. We, at work, were happy for Chad to have Pat
to support him through a lot of his mother’s ailment.
Chad asked his mother if she was really sure she wanted his bride and he to go on their
honeymoon after the wedding? His Mom said, like the amazing mother she was,
“It is my only source of joy, Chad!” These words created a powerful effect on all of us
while listening to his plans three years ago.
They had had their family’s pastor marry them in the hospital chapel.
The two families had their small reception with finger sandwiches and cake served in
a conference or gathering room. Chad’s mother was tired but able to attend.
Chad and Pat hugged her frail, upright body in the wheelchair and said they loved her.
She replied, “I love you both. Now go and celebrate your marriage!”
While Chad and his bride were on their Caribbean cruise, his mother died. Unusually
so, his father and brother did not call him. This took courage and a lot of love on his
small family’s decision to wait until the newlyweds came home. They met the couple
at the airport and then, still waited to take them out to a quiet restaurant. That is where
they told Chad and Pat that his mother had passed away. His father emphasized,
“This is what your mother wanted for you, Chad! To be happy, to be married and to not
know if she died until the honeymoon was over.”
Fast forward to only one year ago, Chad was struggling immensely with the burden of a
virtually psychotic wife. He was at his wit’s end and had asked for his Dad, his father- and
mother- in- law along with his brother to join him at his small house out in Kilbourne.
Chad had these people wait on the porch until all were gathered, he served them iced tea
Chad said he started to weep but would not tell them what was wrong. He had them enter
the house together. This was during Spring, 2012 and it was already hot and we had started
working our ten hour days. He was worn out in more than one way.
What the families saw shocked them! Chad’s wife had allowed clutter to pile to the ceiling
in their short two year marriage. She did not work at all, so Chad had decided to be the
‘chief cook and bottle washer.’ Chad had tried to decide what responsibilities to carry out
and what he had decided would be a fair amount for Pat to do while she stayed at home
not working at all. Finally, with some periodic conversations with us at work about
where he should draw the lines. He had decided not to touch or handle all of Pat’s clothes
and magazines that she seemed to accumulate daily into big messes. He enjoyed taking the
dog outside. He also drove Pat to the psychiatrist for her weekly visits.
On this Spring day, he had asked this close knit family group here that day to see for
themselves what he had been living with for the past two years.
He wanted to ask for forgiveness, he did not want to carry on any longer the charade he had
We had counseled him at our work between the five of us, three older divorced women
and Anna, the widow, plus occasionally a man named Melvyn. We all had helped him to
decide to take Pat to a counselor.
This action had not been easy for Chad to almost force Pat to leave the house to go to the
mental health center. We had suggested him to seek Christian counseling for their marriage
from their pastor. Chad had felt guilty and done a lot of worrying about his not having a “good
reason for seeking a divorce.” We had compassion and also, most importantly, we felt as his
‘surrogate mothers,’he needed permission to give up the sinking ship!
None of the family had gone to their house since they had been married. Mostly, Chad had
chosen to always go to Pat’s or his Dad’s house. Only a few times had they been able to afford
to go out to eat or meet at a restaurant.
The intervention lasted an hour with Pat sitting on the sofa listening. Chad continued to show
remorse and cried throughout. When his Dad said, “Whatever my son wants to do, I am 100%
behind him!” Chad was shocked because in his few times he would complain about Pat to his
Dad, his father had always said, “You need to try harder.”
His brother and his mother in law were in sympathy for Pat. His father in law, in contrast,
almost yelled at his daughter,
“What is the matter with you? You never were allowed to make such a mess under our roof!”
Chad gave them a final tour of the house. None of Chad’s clothes were in piles, he walked
them to his closet where even his work t-shirts were on hangers. He had no mess on his
half of the bedroom and the kitchen was very clean. The area where Pat sat and watched
television all day was cluttered and dirty with dishes, food wrappers and magazines.
Chad explained he gave her $40 for groceries and she almost always would buy junk food
and only a few good choices. He had gotten in the habit of stopping by a Subway to get his
lunch food, sandwiches or soup and a salad. We had noticed some of this and heard of most
of it over the years.
Anyway, the love found on the internet last Fall, 2012 after the divorce was “just a friendship.”
Chad had found a woman who listened to all his recent troubles. This remarkable woman who
was 26 years (Chad is 31 years old) was willing to be his friend. They went to parks and engaged
healthy, outdoor activities together. She had drawn a line with any kind of romance. She really
wanted him to be soundly single and not make her the “rebound relationship.” Chad is a trusting
man so we worried when he started this so soon after the summer’s divorce. But we did encourage
him to relax and have some fun!
Last Friday, while walking around Delaware, Anna and I ran into Chad and Miranda! We were
so pleased, they approached us holding hands and looking all “moony” at each other. We waved
from a distance and Chad said something to her and then waved back. We crossed the street where
the laser tag and different games were going on, surprised we even spotted him through the crowd.
They are both tall and Miranda has strawberry blonde layered hair. They looked perfect together!
We are so glad that we had helped him to move on in his life. It was an enormous decision to
By giving up a marriage that was weighing him down, mainly holding on because his mother
had given her blessing. The last thing she had emphasized had been to say their marriage was
her reason she would hold onto life. We have to hope she sees Chad is happy and would want this
to be the way it ends up.
Being the angel Chad’s mother was, she may have changed her blessing to “Be happy!”