If you aren’t part of the solution, you are part of the problem.
I have some gripes to express. Hope you will tell me what your
main ‘beefs’ with other people are!
1. “Repetitive complainers.”
You give advice to help them.
You try a different piece of advice
the next time.
You feel like you are ‘spinning wheels.’
Finally, when none of the thoughtful
approaches you have given to these,
‘whiners,’ you give up.
You hope they find someone else to
listen to them:
“Just because I am nice, doesn’t mean I want
to listen to you!”
2. “Sloppy parkers.”
Everywhere you go, there are ones
who feel their prize possession requires
two spots. Why not add to our relief and
your longer life, by parking far out in
the boondocks? Walking is so good for you
and your ‘car is safe’ out there!
The other ones, who go hand in hand with
these special car owners, are the ones who
bump your car with their door.
“My car is ‘special’ to me, so please use your
3. Potluck ‘no shows.’
When the list is passed around, they add their
choice of homemade dish or dishes. They are
sometimes able to give a very good excuse for
not following through, lack of participation.
But, there are a few who ‘slide’ into line, get
a plate and you absolutely know they could
not even bring $2 hot dog buns or $1 pop.
Everyone has one ‘free pass’ I feel at our work
potlucks, but I know of a few who have NEVER
brought something to share.
“Come on, don’t you feel a little guilty about
not bringing anything?”
Family potlucks are different, I like to bring
extras, to cover those who have run out of time
or are short on money. Again, it is okay to bring
crackers or fresh produce out of one’s garden. . .
“Love means not having to bring anything but
I have several in my work and apt. buildings.
Sometimes, it is no big deal, a quarter for laundry,
an egg or a cup of sugar. A little something, over
and over again, does add up, though.
I have given once a week 25 cents to someone at work,
in a month it is a dollar…
If I need to borrow, I always come back the next day
and return the money. Mainly, due to my age and
forgetfulness, I do this.
The next time I shop, returning the egg is at the top
of my list of ‘things to do,’ sometimes adding a couple
of cookies or whatever I have noted they like.
Those borrowers are~
“Nickel and diming my good nature away!”
Please give back!
5. “Ride Takers.”
I like to help out, I honestly do. But there is someone
who actually had me take them through the drive-thru
and did not offer to buy a pop or iced tea on a long, hot
When I have sometimes chosen to slow down and roll
down the window, seeing someone I know walking, that
is my choice. But there are now 2 people who linger at
our lockers, waiting outside having a cigarette or just
standing by my car, to get their rides.
Recently I have developed a thicker skin and have said,
“I have somewhere else I have to go, after work, which is
going to take me a different direction.”
Offer something to repay kindnesses.
6. “People who don’t know how to whisper.”
If you ever see the Julia Louis-Dreyfus and James
Gandolfini, someone put this right into the script!
That movie, “Enough Said,” includes few of my little
‘pet peeves’ that others do, that get on my nerves.
In the movie, it is actually a date at a movie theater,
where James’ character is not able to whisper but
uses a normal talking voice. If I really liked (or loved)
someone who did this, knowing they were not able
to do the quiet voice, I would just have to watch DVD’s
and use the ‘pause’ button, often! I cannot stand it
when there are people talking loudly for more than
a minute or two, at the library. I try to not glower or
give them my ‘mother’ or ‘teacher’ stare.
Try to refrain talking, if you have been told you have
a loud whisper.
7. “Frequent Guests/Rare, if ever, Hosts.”
Now, I may be’ treading on thin ice’ on this subject.
I know that I tend to have people come over and I
do enjoy their company. I loved this much more
when I lived in a nice, big house!
There was a certain friend who had been to my apt. about
3-4 x monthly, which means at least 40 times in one year,
making the total of over 80 times in two years. She thinks
she is saving me from driving her direction, a few miles
away. Once she comes over, she is hard to get back out of
my place. Worse still, is sometimes when we have made plans
to go somewhere, I will try to meet her at the door. She had
started to come early, though. Then I have her sitting in my
apartment watching me put on my makeup.
I guess this sounds funny or petty. I have picked her up at her
mobile home, which I can see from my car, that she has a nice
place, pretty curtains and some landscaping. I have NEVER
been asked in, before or after our times out. I have hinted by
saying, “If you let me come over for coffee sometime, I will
have a better idea of what kind of gift I may buy for your
birthday or Christmas.”
By sitting in my apartment, I have given her a sandwich,
cookies, chips, coffee, tea, pop, a few glasses of wine and
even, accidentally her spying my Godiva bag of chocolates
on a shelf when I opened the cabinet to get something else
to give her, I have felt ‘forced’ to share my chocolates!
This is ‘horrible’ to admit, but I have started saying,
“Let’s drive separately, I will meet you at the movies (or
wherever we have determined we should go together.)”
Take turns with your friends.
8. “One’s Situation is Always Worse Than Yours.”
I don’t think that I dwell on my misfortunes, in fact it
is only when a circumstance resembling my own comes
out in a conversation, will I mention how I have handled
my personal challenges in life.
This example is more easily described as, “Debby Downers,”
or “My Life Sucks More Than Anything You Say Is Going On
With Yours.” My daughter calls them, “Negative Nancy’s.”
While in high school, my Mom noticed this about a good
friend of mine, she even felt that it was her place to tell this
teenager that she needed to be able to ‘rise’ above some of
her circumstances and really, try to find some kind of ‘silver
lining’ in her life. Mom also started a little bit of silly passive
aggressive behavior, I am sure it went unnoticed by my girl-
friend. When the friend would call, she always asked, “Is
Robin there?” My Mom would say, “Yes.” There would be
dead silence. My Mom would wait it out. My friend would
finally ask, “Can I talk to her?” Mom, (English and Spanish
high school teacher) would say, “I suppose.” Tick. Tick. Tick.
Finally she would say, “May I speak with Robin?”
As my Mom was generous, she would often ask this friend,
who really was sometimes annoying (even) to me, “Would you
like something to drink?” The answer, invariably was, “Yes.”
My Mom would list a few choices, if it were the weekend, they
included juice, milk, iced tea or pop. This friend seriously
would say, “I don’t care.” My Mom would sit down and not
pursue the matter again, until the next time she came over.
I did not get to the point of giving her up, until we were in our
fifties. I was so understanding of her divorces, I was so helpful
with painting designs on her walls and her granddaughter’s
dresser. I understood that she has fibromyalgia, I volunteered
to weed armpit-high weeds, cleaning her basement and her
kitchen for her son’s high school graduation party. I served
the food, having brought two side dishes and a graduation card
with enclosure of money. Even when I worked two jobs, I was
able to spend time with her, since I did feel that she had few
people who cared about her. Her own sister would not invite
her to holidays. Her father would come down and take her out
to eat and then drive back to Cleveland. (Her mother passed
away when we were adults and parents of our own children.
I attended her mother’s funeral and she attended my Dad’s.)
Then, one holiday she showed up with her son and his girlfriend
uninvited for a Thanksgiving meal. I opened the door and then
closed it partway saying, “Maybe I should check with my parents,
this is possibly my Dad’s last holiday with his grandkids.”
I kept them waiting on the front doorstep. My Mom offered to go
and tell her, “No, this is beyond rude.” My oldest daughter said
she would go to the door and say, “Sorry this isn’t a good time.”
Finally, my ex-husband went to the door and I heard him say,
“Holidays are not times to show up unexpectedly. Thanks for the
kind thoughts about my father-in-law’s cancer. (She did not say
a word about him at this time.) Happy Thanksgiving.”
(Myex’s Christian upbringing came to the forefront, for which I am
When he came back to the living room, having heard his deep voice
carried into the living room, my Dad said, “Who was that woman?
Are solicitors allowed to come on holidays?” We all chuckled and let
the funny Cracker Barrel fish sing its silly tune, which we tended to
have for his last Christmas, too. (“Take me to the river…”)
9. Last but not least- –
“People Who Root for the Opposition.”
Those who have lived more than 20 years in a state,
who may have been avid fans of another state’s team,
note that sometimes you may have more fun, if you
decide to ‘switch alliances.’
I have a friend who lived in Michigan for all of three
years of her life. Karen will not wear any Ohio team
shirt days, she is always there with her blue and gold.
I totally understand people who were dislodged from
their homes or who grew up for years in a location but I
will say this, my parents grew up as Cincinnati Fans.
They both attended U. of C. liked Cincy Bengals and
Cincy. Reds, too.
They moved to Cleveland, immediately purchasing
all the Cleveland gear needed to support their new
home town. I am not sure whether anyone will find
this amusing, but I think that being in Ohio Wesleyan’s
back yard, I bought an OWU shirt, black and red. I
still wear my BGSU t-shirt and zip-up orange jacket. Just
while visiting Bowling Green or up in Cleveland.
While walking around Delaware, Ohio, I enjoy supporting
the university and being a ‘townie!’
I just have to wonder, when everyone at work is wearing
scarlet and gray, why not indulge in a purchase of an OSU
t-shirt? Why not wear the blue and maize at home, in front
of your television? But I don’t think this is a big pet peeve,
after all, we have lots of fun talking about Cleveland,
since you lived there, too. WE enjoy talking about the good
old Terminal Tower, Ghoulardi, The Ghoul, Big Chuck and
Houlihan… Why not get a Cleveland Browns’ shirt or a
Cleveland Indians’ t-shirt?
“Commit to your Home Town or Home State.”
Now, that I have taken too much of your time up in my list
of ‘pet peeves,’
What’s one of your ‘beefs?”
Who gets your ‘goat?’
Who gives you ‘grief?’
Come on now…