Category Archives: Depends

Halloween’s “A’coming!”

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My two precious granddaughters, who I labeled the “M & M’ girls were over last night.

We built a slide out of my youngest daughter’s discarded yoga mat and pillows. We

played with my oldest daughter’s Barbies, recently donated to join my collection. She

is the one who has two boys… We played ‘make-up’ and ‘dress-up’ along with reading

all of my Fall books. They still like the story about the two mice who are on two sides of

a pumpkin, tending it and growing it into the, “The Biggest Pumpkin Ever.” They also

liked the simple cardboard preschool books about pumpkins and trick or treater’s. The

last reminder of a great book for this season is, “The Nutty Nut Chase ” book.

We watched the  original “101 Dalmatians” with the scene animations being so lovely,

designed to entrance and bewitch the viewers with fall leaves and engrossing, dangerous

winter scenes. My Marley exclaimed about the chubby puppy who I think is named “Rowdy,”

“That puppy needs a diet!” I noticed that the man of the household is smoking a pipe, which

would not ‘do’ in today’s children’s cartoon movies. (I have to say in the ‘old days’ I would not

have even thought twice about weight problems of puppies nor smoking pipes in my dad’s or

granddad’s mouths.) This came up with my Santa Claus which is porcelain and old-fashioned

“‘Twas the Night before Christmas” books, all still having pipes with smoke circling the head

of Santa Claus l, by ever observant children.

When we were finally settling in to sleep it was around eleven o’clock. I was ‘pooped,’ but wished

to ask what they would be for Halloween. They are BOTH going as “Elsa’s” character from the

movie they so love, called, “Frozen.” Would they go as ‘twins?’ No, they would not since they

are the same person both being, “Elsa.” I so love that no one says, that silly word, “Duh!”

anymore.

I mentioned that I will be up at my Mom’s for the holiday. They asked, almost in unison,

“Why can’t you I be here with us?”

I remind them each time this subject matter comes up, “I hope you will be with me when I get

old and come visit me when it is my birthday.”

Wouldn’t you know 6 year old Marley woke up and asked me to get out the art supplies. Even

before they ate the pancakes I had made them!

I required the two little girls to go “Clean up first.” I began singing the “Clean up” song which

caused  Makyah, age  3, to groan and moan. I ignored her, getting paper, scissors, markers,

crayons, lots of stickers out (I had quite a supply when I left preschool special ed. Paid for, as

I used to always do, with my own money for extra seasonal supplies and books.) While Marley

laid on the ground, Miss Drama Queen, Marley got right down to business, used to

this responsibility in her kindergarten classroom.

They put pumpkins, scarecrows and turkeys on 5 x 7 index cards saying,

“Nana, please write, ‘Happy Birthday, Great Grammie O’.”

Marley needed help to copy some of the letters, but is able to write her and Kyah’s names.

Kyah added lots of “x’s” and “o’s” to hers while Marley could write out “I love you lots!”

They stapled them into a little book for my Mom to get on November first, her #86.

We headed back to their house at noon, since Mommy was going to make them lunch.

I gave them hugs and said, “See you Tuesday for your brother, Landen’s birthday and

thanks for the lovely cards for my Mom who will adore them!

Both my daughter and daughter-in-law will send Mom and me photos via cell phones of

the six grandkids. My son doesn’t text me often except to send me a ‘thinking of you’ or a

‘I love you because…’

 

Here is an (hopefully) amusing joke! You know my source, who is very reliable in her

twice weekly letters to me, inserting news articles about Cleveland, Ohio and other senior

and health related subjects!

 

COUNTDOWN TO HALLOWEEN:

“You know you are too old to Trick or Treat when. . .”

 

#10. You keep knocking on your own front door.

 

#9. You remove your false teeth/wig/hair piece to change your appearance.

 

#8. You ask for soft high fiber candy only.

 

#7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, and you lose your balance and fall over.

 

#6. People admire your great Boris Karloff mask and you aren’t wearing a mask.

(You may insert Abe Vigoda or other aged people who have character in their wrinkles…)

 

#5. When the door opens and others yell words, but you forget to say, “Trick or Treat.”

 

#4. By the end of the night, you have a bag of restraining orders.

 

#3. You have to carefully choose a costume that doesn’t dislodge your hairpiece.

Or one that covers up your body challenges…

**No slutty nurse costumes for you anymore! (women)

**No more Superman costumes; more likely the Pillsbury Dough boy would work. (men)

(ha ha ha)

 

#2. You are the only Power Ranger or Sleeping Beauty princess with a walker or a cane,

in the neighborhood.

 

And, as David Lettermen would say,

“The Number One Reason Seniors SHOULD NOT Go Trick or Treating Anymore. . .

 

(Are you ready for this one?. . . It directly applies to me and my own elderly problems…!!)

 

#1. You keep having to walk home to use the bathroom!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Friday Work “Quips”

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This is going to be a fun list of things you might hear around work,

mostly “G” rated quips. The ones starting the day are always what

get me laughing on my way to our “exercises.”

I may say, one of my favorites, sort of mumbling or grumbling,

“Here we go again! Another day, another dollar!”

One of my coworkers, Stephanie was witty one morning,

“Hey, wait a minute! You got that much… I need a raise!”

One of the maintainance men, Brian, retorted,

“Why that much? Did you find a dollar in the parking lot?”

There is a sweet lady, Joyce, who often says,

“Another day in paradise.”

I have added to hers sometimes,

“Where’s the margaritas and palm trees?”

Last night I went to a wine and wellness presentation that

was well received, almost 30 guests to hear youngest

daughter, Felicia speak about healthy foods and living

choices.

When I came in today, I had been up until midnight then

turned around to hear the alarm go off at 5:00 a.m.

Once at work, completed exercises with the little circles

and big circles, watching my friend Jean (otherwise known as

“Big Bird” in one of my recent love stories). I smiled and asked

her about any good things going  on around town this weekend.

She told me the same old group, Kreis Krupp and Ross would be

at Roops’ Brothers. I told her my young friend, Morgan Treni,

(her blog is called adventures of a beer goddess) was singing at

the London Road Winery, not sure of its name from 6-8 p.m.

We laughed and said, “MIght need a nap before then” (my response)

and her resonse was “A little early to be going out, dear.”

While in my lanes (Zones 11 and 12) I accidentally was dropping

pieces, non- breakable, though. Good ‘ol Darryl came up behind me

and said really loudly,

“Hey!”

I said, “Do you have to be so loud, Darryl?”

And he chortled, “Robin was out drinking again! Was you drinking last

night? Or this morning already?”

This is the game we play but you may as well know, I only have at the

most one or two glasses in a six hour time period!

Anyway, Darryl wanted to tell me that he and his wife were going out

to Old Bag O’ Nails, a nice, smaller central Ohio chain. He wondered

if I was going to be “lonely, tonight?”

I said, “You looking for a babysitter, or what?”

(He gave me his famous “Evil Eye” look.)

“NO! I was just trying to be nice and going to invite you to meet us for

a drink before we ate.”

I told him about Morgan singing, he said he would doub he and his

wife would want to go there, but thanks anyway.

“We aren’t much of wine drinkers, Robin.”

When I went downstairs to break in the morning, I ran into Cheryl.

She blurts out, “Robin, have you seen many butt cracks or cheeks

much today?”

We laughed about this a few times, sometimes we even COUNT the

guys who wear their droopy pants or they bend over. Cheryl is my

sister with another mother, dates her fine man, “stud” Scott.

As I got to the drinking fountain, one of the men from shipping

asked how many hours were we putting in today? I told him

only five hours, since we had put in almost 40 up till today.

“Did you hear about next week, Rob? They are going to slave

us away until 6 efvery night and then, on Friday before Labor

Day, going to really ‘poke us,’ make us work till after 6! (And we

start at 6 a.m. every Friday so that would be a twelve hour day.)

I said, “That is too bad, we are going to be almost that late all

week, but at least we will get overtime pay plus holiday pay.”

Shipper was angry at management and spouted off, “They just

don’t know when to stop shoving it up our behinds!”

Got away quickly, before more came out…

A young girl, Erin, and I were sitting in front of the television for our

12 minutes left in break time. She said when a commercial came

on for the show, “White Collar,” “Did you know that guy that

plays the crook is gay?”

I replied, “He’s cute and he plays a nice looking stripper in the

movie, “Mighty Mike.””

She commented, “I don’t care if he’s cute! He’s Gay!”

I said, “I don’t care if he’s gay, he’s cute!”

Back in Zones 11 and 12, I am trying my darndest to reach a product

that is on the bottom level. I have a long wooden stick with a metal

hook on it to grab the last item of its kind.

I hear footsteps on the wooden hollow sounding floor, a deep voice

asks, “Are you going to stay there a minute, that is a good position!”

Ooohhhh! That always gets me a little mad, how politically incorrect

and how I could file anywhere other than here, sexual harrassment

charges…

I get out of there, finally having a hold of an air filter box, and on my

knees, place the pole back on the first ledge.

Matt is there, grinning a wicked smile,

“So, if you are on your knees…. (and at my wrinkled brow and mean

frown on my face, he stops the rest of the comment.)

At lunch, unfortunately when we go beyond 11 a.m. we have lunch

when we start at 6. So, we are all together watching the beginning

of “The New Price is Right” with Drew Carey. I mention to Melvin

that there is a nice blogger that feels my editorials and funny work

stories could be fodder for a comedy series.

Melvin says, “We ain’t THAT funny!”

I replied, “No offense to the comedies, “Laverne and Shirley” and

“The Drew Carey Show” but they were blue collar workers delight.

I hope someday to at least get one script, maybe “Hot in Cleveland”

would take a look?”

Melvin just shook his head and said, “Keep dreaming, Robin!”

So, switching subjects I told him that our boss’ boss, Mike B., came

to show me I had made in this past three weeks, since we are

randomly “Q.C’d” a total of 4 errors one week, 2 errors another

and this week, 2 more errors. (FYI: I picked a total of 22,000 parts!!)

Melvin (“Mr. Smarty Pants”) said, “Well, its a ggod thing you don’t

work in a bank!”

I said, “But listen to this, my rate (or speed) was 110% and he gave

me three “Bravo points.”

Melvin shrugged, “We are rewarded for speed, not accuracy!”

Last part of the day, I was alone with Todd, he is a “hot” looking and

very fast worker, usually located in Heavy Bulk and riding on a PE

rider. I worked with him for 6-7 weeks two summers ago, had a lot

of fun, along with finding out how to “cut corners.” I made slow

progress in my rate but “Everyone in the building has to cross-train

or lose their jobs.”

Our favorite thing to do, when we would be out in the “singles’ world

of Delaware, Ohio” was to ask each other, whoever saw the other first,

“Are you stalking me?”

When I shopped, for example, for my son’s birthday clothes last Fall,

I was in Kohl’s men’s department. I was holding a black shirt and a gray,

black and green plaid pair of shorts up. I was not sure if the fine green

line was too “bright” or if the red fine line on another plaid pair of

shorts looked better. Jamie is always needing nice clothes, father of

two girls, stepdad to a girl and boy. Todd saw me and he exclaimed very

loudly,

“Come on, Robin! Seriously, you need to get a life and stop following me!”

I got him back at BW3’s, while with his group of over thirty year olds,

drinking a beer and deeply intent in the OSU football game,

“Oh My God! Todd! I haven’t seen you in ages! What a small world to run

into you here!”

(Anna and I quickly ran back to our table in the corner, giggling.)

Corey, who is a big gangly over thirty year old who hangs with Todd,

came over and sat on a tall stool asking which wings we liked the

best.

He is also a heavy bulk worker, we kind of think he is like a “big

teenager” and treat him like a kid. I give him candy and gum,

sometimes.

Corey found out what we were ordering and told me,

“I took a genius test in the Reader’s Digest in the dentist’s office

yesterday, Robin. Guess what? They said my test results made me

an Idiot Savant.”

I stared at him, perplexed, first of all it was Corey, after all. Then, I

said,

“Be very careful who you tell that to, they may get jealous!”

And as he got up, I added,

“Especially don’t tell Todd!”

(Hope that Todd won’t start teasing him and calling him an idiot!

Poor Corey, he would never hear the end of that with those heavy

bulk guys!)

Last funny thing that happened to me, I was in the bathroom and

you know how you really know not to pull loose threads but you

sometimes cannot resist the impulse? Oops! I did pull the elastic

thread on the top of my underwear… Just a little but somehow

when I pulled my pants up… you guessed it! My underwear would

not stay up!

I went directly past Cheryl and asked her to look at my “behind”

and she asked, “why?” of course.

I whispered what happened, now remember that Cheryl’s culture

is full of drama and loud exclaiming. I mean Tyler Perry movies are

not “made up out of thin air!” Believe me!

(But Cheryl is also the sweet sensitive person who likes my friend,

Bill, and says, “Aww… Robin why can’t you two be together?” and

we held hands, openly weeping, when Obama was inaugurated in

a room of only 20 coworkers out of possibly 200 or more who

could have come to see it on management’s “pay” time.

So, she can be sensitive and she loves the subject of “butts.”

She laughed loudly, she pushed me away and looked at me, she

asked me to bend over, I did. That is how close we are and she

was in an area called the Green Bins where you only have two

ends that people can come into and no way to see between

the racks.

She told me it looked like I had boxer shorts on, since where

the top of the panties ended, it was half way to my knees now.

The line looked like the bottom of boxers.

I said, “Cool!”

And until one hour later, as I was getting the last orders done, I

was just fine. But who should come up and make a comment?

Well, thank God, he is a good friend, has a wonderful lady he

lives with, so it was not off color but it was in a very curious tone,

“Are you wearing boxers today instead of underwear?”

“Melvin! Did Cheryl tell you?”

Yep, you guessed that might happen. Big mouth, Cheryl!

I think I need to just start wearing Depends!

On Duty

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One of my fantasies is that I am a very cool private investigator,

solving crimes, finding information, and making things “right”

for those that have gone “wrong.”

Reminiscent of the “Maltese Falcon” where I will be “Sam Spade”

and I would need a friend to play the character “Gladys.”

Yes, it would be exciting to have a “Moonlighting” life!

I have a short post in mind today. No problem for those who

may wish to have a quick read and refresh themselves. Maybe

you will enjoy escaping from your own life for a moment!

What needs to be brought on your stake out?

List 3 necessary items, using the 3 categories:  Foods, Tools, or ???

Foods/snacks:

1.  I love sweets to keep my energy up so Hot Tamales, donuts, or

candy bars (Fast Break or Mounds).

2.  I need to choose some salty balance, like potato chips, corn

chips, Sun Chips (cheddar or sun dried tomato flavors) or

crunchy Cheetos.

3.  Beverages like iced tea, iced coffee or hot coffee (depending on

the season.) Hence, the number one “tool!”

Tools:

1.  I would need to have a phone and a local map that would help

me locate the closest bathroom facilities! (Maybe Depends?)

2.  I would need paper and pen to write details, mileage, and “just

the facts” down. No drama here, ha ha!

3.  I need to have a camera for collecting any evidence of “proof.”

Watch out cheaters, I will be collecting some photographs! Watch

out, criminally connected Ohio mobsters/gangsters, I will be in a

lot of dark alleys! Oh, forget about any secrets you have hidden, I

will be on them like ‘bees on honey!’

???

1.  A partner would help in so many ways! To keep me awake and

focused. To help throw ideas around and play out the possibilities.

Someone to provide “back up” when needed or talk me out of doing

something wild or crazy, too.

2.  A friend at home “base” to call and check in with about new

prospects or “leads” on the case load (receptionist, computer ‘geek’

or someone to run and bring stuff to me/us.)

3.  An office space where the filing cabinet, answering machine

and receptionist or secretary or all around ‘jack of all trades’ would

be located.

Escapism is the perfect way to get out of my “rut” and what better

time to start a new career than when I have NOTHING TO LOSE!!

Plus, I could start my new blog, “reocochran,p.i.wordpress.com”

 

After Sandusky came Cleveland…

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I have to admit there have been lots of times I was grateful to

be part of the big city of Cleveland. I moved from Sandusky to

Cleveland, where I felt that we had a more active life.

We moved to a subdivision, named “Bretton Ridge.” It had a busy

neighborhood pool, ice skating rink and sidewalks. My parents

joined a few card clubs and had Progressive Dinners, where each

couple would prepare a course of a multiple course meal. They

would rotate the host and hostess duties, from one home to the

next. Children were not invited, but there were plenty of fun

things to do around North Olmsted.

We still enjoy watching the Cleveland teams. We are fans of all

the different entertainment opportunities that are around that

area. I liked living close to Lake Erie, the metropolitan parks,

the downtown Public Square area. My parents still took us once

a year to Cedar Point Amusement Park, which became more and more

popular, expensive and crowded. (I ended up working there for

two summers and enjoyed living in the dormitories, although they

were hot!)

I am proud that “Cleveland Rocks!”

Thank goodness for Drew Carey and others who continue to bring the

city to light. I am a big fan of Drew’s sense of humor and his

ability to engage in improvisational comedy skits, too. He has

made our lunchtime show, in the break room, “The Price is Right,”

quite enjoyable.

There are numerous actors, past, present and upcoming that have

come from Cleveland.

The sights are diverse and interesting there. I still feel the

“Flats” is a fun place to go and listen to jazz, rock and roll,

along with R & B bands.

I like the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and Galleria, for places to

go. The Tower City has been replaced with the Horseshoe Gambling

Casino. There are more, new plans for the renewal of Cleveland’s

downtown area.

I never turn down a chance to go to the ‘new’ Cleveland stadium,

which was first called, Jacob’s Stadium, then is currently called,

“Progressive Field.”

Another wonderful actor, who graduated from Ohio Wesleyan in Delaware,

Ohio, is Wendie Malick. Her show with some major stars, including the

hilarious and ageless, Betty White is “Hot in Cleveland.” This show

is on TV Land channel. It continues to make me proud. I liked Wendie’s

other endeavors, such as she is active in pro-green, environmental and

water supply projects. I just love her wacky humor.

I was hoping that the Depends product being featured in Wendie’s

character’s (a soap opera diva) would have been seen by my friends at

work last night. Alas, my coworkers had not watched it.

With Wendie’s comedic flair for drama, her swishing across the room

wearing a pair of protective underwear was so funny! This was so her

character could be the spokesperson for them. She was practicing,

trying to look sophisticated, despite the swishing noise emitting

from inside her pants… The scene had me rolling on the floor,

laughing!

That’s all for Cleveland and my little “shout out’s” to the ones

who are featuring our great Hometown of Cleveland on T.V. these

days and nights!