Category Archives: Ego

Look Where They Started…


In the fifty years since the soap opera, “Another World,” was first

filmed, there have been a half dozen of major actors and actresses

whose acting talents sprang from there. The soap opera began on

May 4, 1964. It remained a popular culture favorite from 1964 until it

filmed its last show in 1999. It had a ‘good run’ of thirty-five years.

I found this interesting entertainment news in my AARP News Bulletin.

I receive this every month, along with the “AARP Magazine.”

I like the way the article phrases this: “A lot of now-famous

stars cut their acting teeth on the show.”

I am not sure if you have ever watched this soap opera, if you did,

these names won’t be quite the same surprise as they were to me! I

was, during my college years, addicted to “The Young and the Restless”

and a short half hour soap opera called, “Ryan’s Hope.” I see a few

of those actors and actresses in Hallmark movies and playing character

roles in movies and television shows.

Here are the Alumni’s from “Another World:”

Morgan Freeman played “Dr. Roy Bingham,” a fine architect in the

fictional town of “Bay City” where the soap opera takes place,

from 1982-1984.

Morgan’s most notable, Academy Award nominated role was in “Driving

Miss Daisy,” which was filmed in 1989. I enjoy him in all of his roles.

He has been recently in “Last Vegas” with the other three iconic legends.

Morgan plays Johnny Depp’s mentor in, “Transcendence,” at age 76!

Brad Pitt played “Chris,” a high school basketball player in 1987. He

played in his ‘breakout’ role (let’s fact it, as a shirtless ‘hunk’

in, “Thelma and Louise,” in 1991. At age 50, Brad was the producer,

along with played the role of an abolitionist-carpenter in, “12 Years

a Slave.”

Kyra Sedgwick, played murder-for-hire victim, “Julia Shearer”, from 1982

until 1983. She has been in several movies, along with her role as the

lead on a police force, “The Closer,” on television. My favorite movie

with Kyra is, “Something to Talk About,” where she plays Julia Roberts’

sister. They have very similar facial details like their beautiful eyes

and smiles. Wile 48 years old, she plays along side of Sylvester

Stallone in “Reach Me.” It is a ‘feel good’ Indie film, getting a lot

of critical acclaim and notice. (She is also in “Door to Door,” with

William H. Macy, check this movie out, later in the list…)

Kelsey Grammer was in “Another World,” as an emergency room physician

named, “Dr. Conrad,” from 1984 until 1985. There are several shows that

I remember on television with him, but mainly his role in “Frasier,”

is my favorite. He is 59, in his character role of a human villain,

“Harold Attinger,” in “Transformers: Age of Extinction.”

William H. Macy, played “Frank Fisk,” for the year of 1982. He is one

of my favorites in the movie made for television, “Door to Door.”

In that movie, he plays an inspiring man with an indomitable spirit,

who has Cerebral Palsy. He also plays a rather hapless ‘would be’

kidnapper in that strange movie, “Fargo.” His ability to become a

variety of characters is amazing, if you ever wish to see his long

list of movies and ‘resume!’

At age 64, William portrays the head of the dysfunctional family

on the television show, “Shameless.”

*I am weird, but like the television show, “Fargo,” with Billy Bob

Thornton, by the way.*

Although, definitely NOT AARP material, Lindsay Lohan, was discovered

on “Another World,” in her role as a mischievous teen, “Alexandra”

or “Alli” Fowler, (1996-97). My family enjoyed her in the remake film

of “The Parent Trap, 1998. She has portrayed Elizabeth Taylor in a

television movie and recently was in one of my posts about Garrison

Keillor, in “A Prairie Home Companion.” She is probably equally famous

as Justin Bieber, in her crazy antics, partially due to addictions.

She is at age 27 star of a reality TV show, “Lindsay,” about her post-

rehab life. One of my personal favorite Lindsay Lohan movies is with

Jane Fonda, called, “Georgia Rule.” She has talent and will overcome

her problems, which I do believe stem from family, biology, and money.

Have you ever been a fan of a soap opera?

If not, were you a fan of any of the night time ones, like “Dynasty,”

“Falcon Crest,” “Dallas,” “Knot’s Landing,” “Brothers and Sisters,”

or any newer ones, like “Nashville?” I am a fan of Sunday’s “Revenge”

and also, do sometimes watch “Parenthood.” They consider them “serials.”

The Man Behind, “Happy”


I like to serve breakfast for the M & M girls, while they sit

and watch “Dora the Explorer” and “Bubble Guppies.” This is always

before we head off, with bellies full, for adventures! I sat on the

other side of the room, watching my little dining room television,

sipping on my coffee and eating my hot breakfast.

I like to reflect on this t.v’s history and share with you, it

includes being in my youngest daughter’s old bedroom in the house

we sold, along with her University of Dayton dorm room! I was

watching, CBS Sunday Morning. The next guest ‘up’ for an interview

was Pharrell Williams.

The girls jumped up, luckily with no waffles and syrup dripping all

over them, to dance to Pharrell Williams’ song, “Happy.” I had not

read much about his background, so I was thrilled that they were

going to share personal details about someone who I have admired

since the first Awards’ ceremony held in 2014, along with his

participation in the Beatles’ 50th Anniversary Celebration.

This interview held genuine ‘gold nuggets’ to share about his life!

If you caught the broadcast, this may remind you of how far this

man has come! Another great interview, with Oprah, shows more of

his sincere and humble side. The cameras ‘roll’ while he cries

tears of joy, watching how people all around the world, take their

video cameras (or cell phones) and film themselves dancing in the

streets to the song he wrote, “Happy.”

Pharrell was 41 when he was honored to be chosen to write the

theme song and perform for the “Despicable Me 2” movie. The first

animated children’s film has a great story line about children in

an orphanage and a ‘grumpy’ irritated man and his ‘minions.’ These

adorable children and ‘minions’ bond, long before the older man

realizes how much he cares about the three little ones. I have

covered the first movie in another post but look forward to seeing

the second one, in DVD form.

Pharrell had been singing for quite some time, from early childhood

up through his high school years. He released his first single in

2003 and his first Cd, in 2006. His childhood friend, Shay Haley and

he had formed a band, “The Neptunes.”

It had not worked out at first. Maturity and disparate personalities

held their progress back.

He also has a partner, Chad Hugo, who together they labeled their

production team currently as, “The Neptunes.” They produce hip hop,

soul and R & B musical style record albums. They also have

come up with fashion designer labels, selling clothes that reflect

their unique style.

Now, Chad Hugo, Pharrell Williams and Shay Haley perform as a

group called, “N.E.R.D.” playing rock, funk and hip hop music.

In 2006, Pharrell was noticed and making friends with famous people

like Justin Timberlake. But he still felt his Cd just sat there,

‘spinning its wheels.’

He really wasn’t ‘discovered’ until he sang, “Happy!” I like the

rhythm and blues, easy-going tone that resembles a combination of

Michael Buble and Frank Sinatra. Any age will enjoy this pleasant

song, no matter what genre you usually listen to.

His fashion statement, wearing a Smokey the Bear hat in all the

Awards shows, became popular. Some people feel that “anything

Pharrell touches, turns to gold.”

His story goes back to a spotted high school career of C’s, D’s

and F’s. He was friends with someone who he tried to ‘play out’

in a band, under the name of “The Neptunes.” Shay and his musical

struggles were not horrible, but he was not an ‘overnight success,’

as he had hoped. The friend and he parted ways, before his solo Cd

came out. Now, they are inseparable. Changes had to occur, within


When he completed his Cd in 2006, Pharrell wondered what was

wrong? Why didn’t he just make it ‘big time?’ He was not in the

current frame of mind, he was a little depressed.

Pharrell Williams felt his first solo Cd was a ‘failure.”

After much thought and consideration, he chose to become a better

person. He set aside his ‘ego.’ He felt by studying greats, giving

specific credit to Stevie Wonder, it helped him to figure out why

others were successful.

Pharrell saw that Stevie Wonder’s songs carried uplifting messages

and were of a positive nature. Deep contemplation is part of his

new persona. He depicts a calm, thoughtful man in interviews.

This is apparent in his carefully chosen words to answer questions.

The song, “Happy,” floundered until he ‘took it to the streets,’

letting others jump and dance around, while he sang and did the

same. It is a real experience, authentic in its tone. Pharrell’s

video for the cover song, “Happy,” was completed in November, 2013.

He doesn’t mind being called, “The Happy Man.”

There is a little bit of philosophy and introspection by Pharrell

Williams of his ‘sudden’ fame. How he feels about the hard work it

took for him to get to where he is today. Seven years from the first

Cd’s release:

Pharrell considers himself, “so thankful.”

He feels nervous to try and analyze, “Why?”

He considers himself “lucky” and feels his “stars have aligned.”

His words impart newfound ‘wisdom’ to those who have dreams.

Pharrell seems to show a mixture of faith and deep thinking,

along with allowing the universe to flow around us.

“Don’t try to figure out how to make money.”

In other words, do what you love and enjoy. He gives

the thoughts to go after what you wish, but don’t

have expectations of how it will come about.

If you should happen to find things fall into place,

’embrace it.’

“And don’t give yourself too much credit–

because it is not all you.” (I love this one!)

Pharell W. used a metaphor in his parting thoughts:

“It’s not the kite– it’s the air.”



Many songs, poems and essays have been written on the

subject of patience. I will not try to make this a

witty commentary nor a play on words. I have just

a few people that have been getting on my nerves

lately. I need a little patience!

I have to laugh, because this week we had a small

family gathering for my five year old grandson’s

birthday. I went there after dinner, around 7:30,

to be part of the festivities. My oldest daughter

is the one who has had theme parties for all 9

years of my oldest grandson. This year, she and

her partner, Mike, had taken the weekend to spend

time with both my oldest and youngest grandsons.

This was a ‘cake only’ and ‘gifts optional’ fun


While waiting for the kids to run off some of

their steam before settling down to watch gifts

being opened and cake to savor, some of us were

sitting on the living room set. We were relaxing

and suddenly Micah ran into the living room,

turned around to find his recent ‘shadow,’ Kyah

behind him (age 3 on March 3). He looked very

exasperated at her and said, which stopped the

flow of our adult conversation, loudly:

“Stop following me! You are annoying me!”

It takes almost every ounce of my ‘being’ not to

laugh out loud at such things, while my serious

daughter scolded him,

“That’s not a nice way to talk to your cousin!”

I raised my eyebrows at my son, who also smiled

back at me. He knows what it is like to be one

of the only boys! (He has an older sister, had a

single mother (‘moi!’) while growing up and has a

younger sister!)

This is rolling into the ‘same old/same old’ stuff

that I am mainly wanting to write about. The way

some people are annoying. At work, in lines, in

public restrooms, to name a few places where I

have been showing a little irritability.

Yes, me!

There are numerous comments at work about our

limited hours, during the winter. I think the

ten to twelve hours we work during the summer,

in the hottest place I have ever worked, brings

home a lot of extra cash, which I save for when

we have our slower periods. We have had slow

months of January and February this year. It

may continue into March.

I get tired of the pleasant lines I deliver to

those who are ‘broke’ and complaining:

1. “Soon enough, we will be super busy and will

wish for some ‘down time!'”

2. “I try to save money from those big checks we

get in the warm months, from April or May up until

last November. It seems that we have less months

to rest up each year!”

3. “I am happy that we will soon have our income

tax refunds, do you declare 0 dependents?”

My cheery self, has been beat down and worn out on

the weather complaints. I mean, I was raised in the

cold northern part of Ohio! I did not mind 6- 12″

of snow as a child, try to see the fun, beauty and

enjoy the walks through the snow.

I especially love the way the stars seem so much

brighter at night and the daytime skies seem so

brilliantly aqua, turquoise and azure! The sunrises,

as I head to work, and the sunsets, as I leave the

library, are so awesome and thrilling.

But my good mood balloon ‘gets deflated’ and I am

dragging it behind me, on such subjects as money

and weather come up these days.

The other people who ‘get my goat’ are the ones

who have been going on and on, over Obamacare. I

have been studying and listening to this subject

without too much to say one way or another. It is

decided, now live with it!

The ones who are complaining are also telling me

that their grandchildren were born with no billing,

due to no marriage license or no insurance. I would

like to tell them, “No more free rides!” Wouldn’t

that shock them? Would everyone stop talking to me?

Sometimes, I want to be the grumpy one! But I am


There is a woman, who at work, I have called the

“Queen Bee.” I have written about her awhile back.

Anyway, her new way of irritating me, is that she

volunteered to serve on the Safety Committee at

work. This means, she is allowed to carry around a

little pad of paper, stop you and ask you,

“Do you have any new safety concerns?”

I have given her the ones, like the Exit that was

closed, so in case of Fire, there was no Exit for

me to leave quickly and safely in the most flammable

area of the building. This got fixed, due to my

saying something, but tell her that she needs to

keep an eye on the heavy items and having them

moved from the top shelf. These are all that I

have been able to come up with. She came by, for

the second time this week, “Miss Chatty Cathy,”

and the “Queen Bee.” I do not directly let her

know my emotional uproar that shouts inside my

head when she bothers me, while I am trying to

make a good pace or ‘rate’ which is daily


When she interrupted my counting out 24 of these

items that usually are stocked in handy dandy

boxes of 12, so plunk, plunk, and two drops of

those boxes and I am done. Nope, I had to re-count

the 24. Already mad at the stockers who unpacked

and dumped these into bin boxes!

I take a deep breath and greet her by name. Oh

yes, I am using a pleasant voice.

“Tomorrow is the Safety Committee meeting at 6

a.m. and I won’t have time to ask you before I

head off to this, what are your concerns this


“Authority positions are a dangerous way to go

with certain personality types,” I think.

“If I don’t give her any ideas for the meeting,

maybe she won’t bother me next month,” I also

think. 23, 24!”

Out loud I tell her that I appreciate her waiting

for me to count the products that should have

been kept in their boxes of twelve. She nods

politely. This is, after all, ‘not her territory.’

She is one who works in the Mezzanine, where I

only have to deal with her once a week, except

on these occasions. I do want to say, she circles

round our table at lunch time but with the Force

of Four:

Tammy, Trevinal, Robin and Peggy, we all give her

a glare, pointedly staring at “The Price

is Right Show,” and she usually walks away from

our table.

This all takes willpower.

It is not a ‘pretty side of me,’ I admit.

The one who doesn’t want to cooperate with the

one who made me cry, seems like ages ago, due

to her rudeness.

She is also the one who drove my friend, Cheryl,

at work, to ram a cart into her. Fortunately,

Cheryl could honestly name a few people in that

area, who saw the “Queen Bee” ram her cart first

into hers.

“She did it first!”

So, I look at the woman who sometimes yanks my

chains and tell her…

“No safety concerns at this time.”

I didn’t fold nor flinch. I delivered my line in

such a ‘don’t mess with me’ tone, she walked


Just as she walked away, I thought of the movie,

“Bambi,” a classic animated film, 1942.

Where Thumper got a lecture from his father, then

he used a re-phrasing of it to Bambi:

“If you can’t say something nice,

don’t say nothin’ at all.”

(Of course, the original parental speech would have

been, “If you don’t have something nice to say,

then don’t say anything at all.”)

You’re Beautiful!


I love the advertising campaign that Dove products

carried for quite some time. The words that went

with it were:

“You are more beautiful than you think.”

There is a statistical study that came up with this

same conclusion! If you were to describe yourself to a

police sketch artist, you would give a less flattering

picture than if he simply sat opposite you and drew you!

Amazing, huh? We are all harder on ourselves, more self-

critical than others are of us and that is dramatically

shown when you look at the two disparate drawings. I

was startled by this and did not catch the source, while

I drove to work awhile back. I simply wrote the words

down and the contrast in how we view ourselves and a

neutral (artistic) person draws us.

I also had to add the New Brittanica-Webster Dictionary

and Reference Guide’s definition of the word,

“beautiful- 1. having beauty, pleasing to the mind, spirit

or senses. Example: ‘a beautiful picture.’

2. generally agreeable; fine. Example: ‘beautiful weather

or beautiful dinner.’

The list of synanonyms were lovely- fair- pretty.

An descriptive definition followed:

Whatever excites the keenest picture in the mind, senses

and stirs emotions by the suggestion of perfection or the


Once I read the definition of the word beautiful, I spent

some time pondering and contemplating the word. As all

special words are used too often when they should be saved,

I think we throw the word, ‘beautiful,’ around too lightly!

When songs refer to word beautiful, I feel often they mean

the beauty within each one of us.

I thought to make this less of a summary of my thoughts and

more of an interactive challenge, I would ask you a couple

of questions.

If you have time, name the first three non-living things

that come to mind when you hear the word, beautiful.

These are, truly, my first three subjects that came to

my mind. Okay and they were truly corny, I admit!

1. rainbows 2. sunsets/sunrises 3. children’s art


Next, if you would like to give the first person you

can think of that embodies the word, beautiful and

if you would like to share this with us, that would

be wonderful!

(One is such a hard word, too!) My Mom.

When I asked my two little M & M girls over the

weekend the same questions, they surprised me.

They refused to give me an ‘off the top of their

heads’ answer!’

The littlest one, Makyah (3 in February) said:

“baby doll, princess and puppies.

(Breaking all rules of non-living things!)

The oldest one, Marley (5 last November) said:

“paintings, books and sunshine.”

(Her preschool days at Head Start paid off!)

When asked, “Who is beautiful to you?”

Both replied, (separately) and not listening

to the other one, “Lara.” (Their 9 year old

sister.) Wow! Cool results, at least to my


If you don’t feel like writing how you feel and

sharing, take some time to think of beautiful things

and people. It would be nice if I knew I spread a

little ‘beauty’ into my fellow bloggers’ world!

“No offense…”


These words along with the words, “Don’t take this personally,

but…” are the most sinister words that come across innocently.

The answer to the first, of course, is “No offense taken.” No matter

what awful string of words follows. The answer to the second

comment is a little more challenging to me!

I tend to be a very sensitive person who does not take any criticism

well. I learned in one professional job I held to take a big bottle of

water or a cup of coffee with me to my annual reviews. I could sip it

slowly and “swallow my (defensive) words!” This particular boss

was known for crushing new or younger employees’ egos. I was not

going to let her beat me down!

Another relevant situation is when you are in a social setting and

have a circle of people around you. One person who may vaguely

know you, may try this unnerving approach.

“I know you, wait! Don’t tell me…. Hmm… Did I meet you

while going to so and so’s house?”

“No, I can tell you where I met you…” but said person interrupts

and says,

“I met you while you were working as a waitress at Cracker Barrel.”

(or the earlier waiting job was at the Delaware Hotel.)

Yes, I am not proud of that fact but I will admit to it.

I would rather have let me tell what I am doing now or what I did


Constructive comments, positive thoughts are always wonderful to

hear! It is the destructive comments or negative thoughts that need

quick replies or “comeback lines.”

I usually answered, in reply to her announcing to a big group of

people that I served tables at a restaurant, like this,

“You don’t know me very well but I am pursuing my Master’s Degree

so that is why the second job.”

If it was a comment about my children, their progress in school or

life, like a recent social setting I was in my comeback is not so quick

but I stewed awhile. I was at a recent party for cancer remission

where a past teacher of my two oldest children was standing right

by the food table. I set my appetizers down and went to get a beverage,

but as I turned to leave (on purpose) she said those dreaded words,

“Wait, I know you!”

I answered that I had been a middle school substitute and my last

name had been Long. I also tried to make a joke, “I subbed a lot for

Mrs. Delong who taught home economics. So I would tell my students,

‘I’m Ms. Long for Mrs. Delong today!'” The person talking worked in

that middle school.

She, of course said,  “No, no, that’s not it. Did you have any children


I tried my first foot forward and led with the one who is to all outsiders

‘successful,’ “Did you know _______, my youngest?”

She wrinkled her face up and said, “No, what year did she graduate?”

I told her the year, also trying to escape by  saying I needed to get a

beverage and move to where the guests I knew and liked were

standing, she turned to a friend and younger coworker and said,

“Do you know I can guess what people’s children are doing if I find

out their name and know them.”

So, I turned back and gave my first and second children’s names, she

said she knew them but would hate to guess what they were up to.

Now, that was kind of mean! I knew she had had both and their last

names were the same (first marriage children).

If she had said her “guess” what they were doing, and prefaced it with,

“No offense but…” I might have lied. Sorry, I have two beautiful adult,

fully grown children, who are a father and mother. They have children

and are trying the best they can to earn sufficient livings to be able to

give their children nice clothes, some after school activities like soccer,

baseball and football.

One of my granddaughters is a junior cheerleader. The cost for her new

uniform, with socks, shoes and the special skirt with top was over $100!

My son’s income covered it.

But do my two oldest earn professional incomes? No.

Both have extra training, one in art and the other in cooking. I am

proud of them so I finished the conversation with this positive retort:

“You could not find better parents nor human beings than my three


How is that for my “stewed” and thought out comeback line?

Do The “Right” Thing


I know a man who is tormented by his conscience. You can

look at his face and see the furrow between his eyebrows. His

troubled countenance holds the clue to what in his lifetime of

mistakes have done to his body and mind.

This man is an acquaintance who is on the peripheral edge of

my life. I have heard a varied multitude of stories concerning

his problems. I would like to hesitate but say, this man has used

the power given to him and blessings bestowed upon him for “bad.”

One of his stories has a crazy in love teenager finding the “hottest”

girl in high school to go after, taking her innocence and marrying

her while pregnant. He hurt the one he chased and chased after he

had two toddlers, sweet little girls, at home, by being unfaithful with

the woman across the street. A neighbor who dropped by when he

had just walked in the door, they were hurrying in the living room

to fulfill and quench their desires. Seconds later, dragging a car seat

with one toddler, holding the hand of the other one in comes his wife!

He unabashedly says to the “guys” he hangs with, joking,

“I can’t believe she didn’t see the woman’s clothes were all unbuttoned

and could not smell the sex.”

Not long after, choosing to go live in another state and hang out with

his sister, he left those two little girls behind. They were but a little

speck in his rear view mirror as he rolled away to Florida.

You have the power to love the ones you are blessed with, or you can use

that power and wield the swift sword of pain into their lives.

Children are not like old toys that need to be tossed out or replaced. But

this man went off and found someone who wanted to have a different

adventure, going to California. There he had three more little girls and

was trying hard to stay in this marriage. Or so he retells someone, a

mutual friend.

Now, looking at the older man (aged 55) and knowing why his face shows

age and his body is a little rickety, I can get a small glimpse of the history.

If he wants to have a future filled with hope and forgiveness, he needs to

retrace his steps. He needs to find out the address and write a letter filled

with contrition. Asking his children in their thirties for forgiveness is going

to take every ounce of courage for him. Asking his grandchildren to go with

him and play, hang out or have a meal out may not be so difficult.

This is a fact, one I know after being around children all my life, either as

a babysitter, mother or teacher:

Children forgive and forget quickly.

They don’t hold grudges.

They love unconditionally.

They are such wonderful embodiments of God!

Which brings me to another area this man needs to work on,

he needs to get “right” with God.

I think he may be still “looking in all the wrong places” for love.

This is another area he needs to choose to straighten out. This

has come to my attention through the gossip mill but he has done

hurtful things by leaving more than his four wives, he has had

more than affairs, he has been misleading women about his status

on a dating site.

Those who continue doing hurtful things are repeating their history

and not learning a darn lesson in life! The face looks guilty and worn,

the smile seems to radiate happiness when there are pretty women

around. He can still attract them like bees to honeycomb. He has a

group of women at work held spellbound with his stories of famous

people in California and his amorous antics. Until he has something

seriously wrong happen to him, he can keep exchanging people like

parts, but we know people have hearts. These hearts can be broken

and children’s hearts can sometimes be more easily broken.

Let’s hope for his health, life and others he comes in contact with,

that he does the “right” thing. Make amends, start new habits, and

by asking for forgiveness the dark cloud across his life may lift. He

may find a beacon of light shining and leading him to a better place.

I heard an excellent song on the radio by Mumford and Sons! Have

you heard, “Roll Away Your Stone?” I will share some passages that

gave me goosebumps! It pertains to this man especially…


“Roll Away Your Stone”

Roll away your stone, I’ll roll away mine.

Don’t leave me alone at this time

For I am afraid of what I will discover inside.

“Cause you told me that I would find a hole

within the fragile substance of my soul.

And I have filled this void with things unreal

And all the while my character it steals.

Darkness is a harsh term, don’t you think?

And yet it dominates the things I see.

It seems that all my bridges have been burnt.

But you say that’s how this Grace thing works.

It’s not the long walk home that will change this heart

But the welcome I receive with every start…”

Please check out the rest of the lyrics or better yet, find it on Youtube

and blast it! This has a wild and lively beat so the lyrics need to be

read to really understand the depth and power of these lyrics written

by Edward J. M. Dwane, Marcus O. J. Mumford, Benjamin W. D. Lovett,

and Winston A. A. Marshall. (copyright Universal Music Publishing, Ltd.)

Self Love


We all need a healthy dose of self love to get through this world

in a successful way. There are some who have too much of a

dose of this and they are labeled, “narcissists.”

I am going to tell you of a man who I once knew and dated

It was long enough ago that I am not worried that he would

associate this post with himself, if he would stumble upon

reading my blog.

This man had what one dear friend later, much later, revealed

to me: “A stable of women who were attractive ponies he liked

to take out and trot around town with.”

Wish I had known that BEFORE I dated the man!

This attentive man seemed to anticipate all that would make me

happy. Looking back, he had quite a charming and smooth

manner about him. He showered me in the first few weeks

with nice meals, special words, extravagant gifts and the

ability to look deeply into my eyes. He seemed to absorb all

of my desires and produced tickets to a theatre production

and one concert. Along with being interested in rubbing my

feet and back after a couple of  long days.

There were of course, since I am telling you a story about a

narcissist, evidences dropped like hints of the underbelly or

seamier side to him along the way. If I should after he listened

to my recounting my  busy day, interrupt him as he was starting

to tell me about his day, a flash of anger shot through me like

daggers from his eyes. He was able to tamp it down within a

short moment though. Less noticeable but there. Other subtle

hints of things to come. He wanted me to meet his family so

we traveled out of town. At dinner, while his  6 year old niece

was eating quietly, he proceeded to start a rather pompous

story about his military responsibilities at his past weekend

reserve duty. Sandy accidentally asked,

“Uncle ____ did you know I have a recital next week?”

He kept on talking, as if she were a gnat and he wouldn’t even

bother to swat at it.

I interrupted his long reserve duty story to ask,

“Hey, did you hear Sandy has a recital coming up?” and I

turned to her and asked, “What are you going to wear?”

As a teacher, sometimes I learned that adults can remember

the subject matter of what they may want to continue talking

about, so assumed he would be okay listening to her answers.

When she was done, he did this hurt (passive aggressive action)

thing when I asked “Now what were you saying about such and


He answered, “Never mind.”

On the way home from his brother and sister in law’s

house, I was given a searing scolding about how ‘we

don’t interrupt’ and ‘children need to seen and not


Being the way I am, since this was only the first or second

time I had heard him lose his cool, I assumed he was just tired.

I rationalized his behavior. I did not worry about the situation.

The next time we had dinner after he came back from reserve,

I asked him while we were eating and catching up on each

other’s weekends,

“So, how many people do you stay in touch with between

weekends?” (Meaning do you have friends that you hang

out with from reserve?) He scowled at me and asked me,

“What do you mean by that?”

I then said what I meant and he was very nasty about the fact

that it was ‘not my business.’

I had more men that were friends during this period so I

just put this egotistical man on the “back burner.” There

were too many warning signs that he was demanding and


Now, there is, and always should be, good self image in the

people you surround yourself with. Many successful people

have strong, assertive natures. They surround themselves

with others like themselves and understand about not

taking themselves too seriously. They need to share their

experiences without bruised egos when there are expressed

differences in their approaches. Sigmund Freud addresses

both healthy self love and narcissism in his psychological

studies and books. His book, “On Narcissism” may be

helpful but is challenging to me to read. There are many

other newer studies and professionals who write about

this subject.

The moment that I started to appear busy and did not answer

this man’s phone calls, he was like a changed man! His

responses on the phone when I did answer, were caring and

thoughtful. He inquired about ‘what had he done?’ Also, he

insisted that I needed a nice meal out at a fancy restaurant.

He would not take “no” for an answer! I backed down and

stopped resisting him. Instantly, he was so pleased and told

me the time to be ready.

We had a pleasant evening and I allowed him to talk about

his own career and did not inquire about his military reserve

duty at all. When we were saying ‘good night’ I mentioned

that I had to go to a professional workshop that would mean

I was out of town all day the following Saturday. He said,

“No problem. Have a nice time and hope it is more meaningful

than most workshops are.”

Once I got back into town, I asked my girlfriend if she would

want to go out, last minute notice? We went to a local dance

and sports bar. We were dressed fairly casually and I was just

wanting to have a relaxing time. We looked at the dance floor

as we sometimes were searching for a couple of our other

girls that would possibly be out. There on the dance floor,

was the man I had been dating. The woman with him

was tall and lanky. She had dark, long hair and she was

wearing dress that I would call a “party” dress. Or maybe

even a “New Year’s Eve” dress.

Granted we had had only five or six dates, so we did not

have any verbal promises, but I was hurt. I had become

attached to this prideful man. We both looked at each

other, he kept dancing and did not indicate by a wave of

his hand nor a smile that he recognized me.

I turned around and started walking out, my girlfriend

was chatting with someone. I had gotten to the door

when he was pushing through the standing room only

crowd. I heard him saying, “Excuse me, excuse me.”

He called, “Robin, wait!”

I felt so lucky to be able to turn and say, “Don’t bother

explaining yourself! We really don’t have that much in


Years later, I met a man that I ran into who knew him and

had served along side him at Rickenbacker for Air Force

Reserve that this man I had briefly (thankfully!) dated,

used to, in his words, “Banging every cadet there was

who would go into a supply closet with him!”

Well, it is like ‘the other shoe dropped.’

That explains that!