Category Archives: ex-boyfriend

The Opposite of Fix is to Break

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As a counterpoint essay on a subject opposite of the “fix” post, I thought that it

would be fun to use the word, “broke” and all of its variations. This will follow the

pattern that I used last time, analysis, wordplay and include a popular song, which

has an unusual use of ‘broke’ within its lyrics. Like last time, I would like you to

help me to determine if this detracts from the friendly, caring tone it is trying to

set. I feel the One Direction’s song, “The Story of My Life,” is quite lively and goes

at such a quick pace, that you may not have noticed the words I heard the other

day.

If you watched, “American Idol,” 2014, you may have caught Alex Preston

singing this song. I am not sure, since they edit the song to fit a timed format,

if it included the phrase that concerns me. I will show the passages before this

and let you know by using *s to indicate the phrase which include the word,

“broke inside.”

“The Story of My Life”

The story of my life,

I take her home

I drive all night to keep her warm

And time is frozen

(the story, the story)

The story of my life,

I give her hope

*I spend her love

until she’s broke inside.”*

I found myself pondering this long and hard. It seems that the author loves

and cares for the woman, but then that just feels like hurtful words to say

in amongst the love messages. It seems rather ‘cold’ instead of depicting

‘warm’ feelings.

What do you think? Let me know…

The words, “break, broke, break-up and broken” all have a variety of

definitions. Most have emotions and feelings attached. I allowed myself

to add “Heartbreak” to this post, while listing positive and negative

meanings.  I had several positive reactions to the “fix” post, so hope

you will like some of the brain-storming that my coworkers did between

the first post and this one.

POSITIVE uses of the variations of “Break, etc.”

We all enjoy ‘breaks!’

From school- Summer Vacation!

From work- Vacation!

During school-

Recess,

Gym,

Music,

Art

and

Lunch.

At work in an office- The Water Cooler.

Almost all jobs have Vending Machines for snacks.

Lunch,

Break-time

and

Daily stretches.

Some of us wished we lived where “Siestas” were a daily afternoon event!

Breaking bad habits (always a positive)

Break from Ordinary Routines = Extraordinary Experiences.

Making a “clean break” is good from a bad relationship.

When two people are having some rough patches, they may wish to “take a break.”

When two people are in a committed relationship and are raising children, they

may wish to have a “break” which is otherwise known as, “Date Night!”

A “break” during a long movie or play is called “Intermission.”

When you are putting all your money into the Pot, in a game, you may say these

words, “I’m going for Broke!”

“Breaking barriers” is a good way to allow communication and relationships

between cultures, countries or other situations to grow and develop.

“Breaking Bad” was a good and entertaining television show.

“Breaking the Ice” is also good, to allow people to have more fun. One game

that was an “ice breaker,” in the old days, while a teenager, was “Spin the

Bottle.” One my parents ‘approved of,’ was “Twister!”

NEGATIVE uses of the word, “Break, etc.”

Being “broke” (when not playing a game of Monopoly) is a bad thing.

Being ’emotionally broke’ may mean you are empty inside or possibly

unemotional.

“The Break Up” was the title of a not so funny movie with Jennifer Anniston

and Vince Vaughn. (Maybe it was just me!)

Melvin mentioned that one of his favorite Clint Eastwood ‘war themed movies,’

was “Heartbreak Ridge.”

Broken hearts are so sad.

Broken engagements may leave one of the two parties involved, happier. One

much sadder.

Broken objects.

Cars broke down or breaking down.

Broken bones do hurt.

(Sticks and stones may break your bones,

And words DO hurt you, too!)

Marriage Break Up’s:

1. Accidental-

Unplanned, fall out of love, curiosity or boredom

may lead to an affair. Lack of interest with partner.

Situational and sometimes out of anger or a rash

reaction.

2. Intentional-

Separation. One or both parties chooses to leave.

Counseling ‘didn’t work.’ Too many problems, wide

disparity in personalities.

3. Emotional-

Grow apart. Reaching a breaking point. Some habits

that are not mutual, possibly addictions. The statistics

for two people, raising a child with disabilities, chances

of divorce goes from the “norm” of 50% up to 75%.

Stress and depression can be part of this ‘break up.’

When you ‘tame a horse,’ you have to ‘break’ them of

their freedom. I put this under negatives, but can see

it going either way. Depends on the perspective, the

horse or the owner.

I loved the way my coworkers helped me to compile a

list of songs with ‘heart break’ as its core. If you wish to

add some more, please do so in the comments section.

1.  “How Do You Mend a Broken Heart?”

This song was released in 1971, by the Bee Gees. Robin

and Barry Gibb mainly are the ones who wrote the lyrics.

2.  “Heartbreak Hotel”

This song was released on January 27, 1956 by Elvis Presley.

3.  “Heartbreak Hotel”

This song, totally different from Elvis’ in its lyrics and melody,

was released in 1998 by Whitney Houston.

4.  “I Can’t Make You Love Me”

Sung by Bonnie Raitt, more recently by Adele. Written in 1991.

4.  “Heartbreaker”

This was an exciting title for many famous songs!

a. Led Zeppelin, in 1969, English rock band.

b. Pat Benatar in 1979, totally different song.

c. Dionne Warwick in 1982, another song.

d. Mariah Carey in 1999, another song.

e. Justin Bieber in 2013, his own song.

Lastly, when googling this subject, I had no idea it would include

such a diverse group of performers singing the one I knew best,

Pat Benatar’s, which also was sung by Jena Irene, on “American

Idol,” 2014. We cannot go too far on this, it would generate a

whole other post!

5.  “Don’t Go Breaking My Heart”

a. First title song, one I did not remember was Dionne Warwick’s

singing this in 1976. This was written by Burt Bacharach and Hal David.

The one that I saw performed in Cincinnati at what was then called,

Riverside Stadium was written by Elton John and Bernie Taupin. It

was with two ‘youngsters’ born in the same year of 1947:

Elton John and Kiki Dee.

6.  “Cecilia”

Sung by Simon and Garfunkel. This song was on their album in 1970.

An ‘oldie but goodie!’

The first line in the song goes like this, “Cecilia, you’re breaking

my heart. You’re breaking my confidence daily….”

(Notice two uses of the word, ‘breaking.’)

The part where the man gets up to use the bathroom and comes

back to bed, to find someone else taking his place; made us all laugh

hysterically, thinking that we had gotten away with listening to this

rather wild, risqué song! (And our parents had all liked S & G!)

7. “Achy Breaky Heart”

First sung in 1991, by the Marcy Brothers. Don Von Tress wrote this

song, that was later made famous by Billy Ray Cyrus, of course!

What song would you include from the band,

Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Single Ladies Unite!

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On June 4, 1948, Marion Richards placed a greeting card and a corsage on

some of her coworker’s desks. Inside each card, she left a special message

and in honor of her choice of words, there is a holiday on June 4th to celebrate!

She had chosen, you see, women who were over thirty years of age and were

unmarried at the time. She wanted them to feel loved and cared for, despite

their status.

This day is called, “Old Maid’s Day!!”

Oh my! Let’s see, in that time period my Dad was 16 years old and my

Mom was 20 years old.

Both my parents had aunts that were unmarried, due to choice, situation

or loss of a husband. They lived in separate homes, leading active and

productive lives.

My Great Aunt Marie had lost her husband to death while young. She had

worked until she was 67 years old at Gorton’s Fish Company in Gloucester.

She was one of the ‘highlights’ of my 16th summer in 1972. She had a little

red sports car and would take me to the drive-in movies, pick up young (and

cute) hitch-hikers when we were heading out of town. She would carry on the

liveliest and most interesting conversations. She was a good ‘role model’ for

my future dates by being independent and leading a positive life. I remember

one of her favorite outfits that she wore. She had a bright coral blouse and a

beautiful silk scarf with a floral design that included the color of turquoise.

She showed creativity and good fashion sense, which I liked to think about

as time went by She showed a ‘joi de vivre.” She will always be, in my eyes:

Forever young!

When my Great Aunt Marie was 92, I went to visit her. She still had her

own apartment, liked to walk to Bingo, to McDonald’s and the stores

in Gloucester.  When I woke up early to hear her lilting voice raised in

song, I walked slowly and quietly into the kitchen to find her dancing.

There she was floating on her toes, gracefully pirouetting and spinning.

When that song that says, “I Hope You Dance” came out, I carefully copied

all the words and mailed it to her. We were pen pals, and although she

never remarried, she always professed love for Pete, her husband who

had died. She never expressed regrets for not having children and truly

seemed interested in mine. I kept some of her letters, since they hold

such amazing positive words of encouragement. She was not lonely and

made friends up until she died at age 96! No worries for her being an

“Old Maid!” Not in her vocabulary or sensibility.

My Great Aunt Harriet was also a widow, a little older than my Aunt Marie,

but still would take her easel out Bearskin Neck and paint boats and the

infamous Rockport, Mass. red boathouse, Motif Number 1. She also was one

who would hop on her bicycle and go to the other ‘coves’ or inlets to use

her drawing pad. She was quite lively, intelligent and could get my 16 year

old self intrigued in everything from conservation, sea life, and politics!

Mom used to talk about her “elderly old maiden aunts,” which in reality

were cousins of hers. They were retired school teachers. They were not

related, so there were times, much later in my life, that Mom said one

time,

“I think they may have loved each other, choosing to spend their retirement

days, reading and volunteering at the library in Middletown, Ohio.”

Still later, while watching Sean Penn acting as the gay character with the

same name as the movie, “Milk,” she expressed thoughts that her maiden

aunts “may have been” lesbians adding,

“I guess we will never know for sure, since they never told anyone, that I

knew of, in the family.”

Tomorrow, (June fourth), is “My Day!” It may be “Your Day!”

In this world of crazy reasons to celebrate, rejoice in the feeling of being

‘free to choose whatever you wish to do,’ as long as you don’t go out and

break any laws, I don’t care if you even ‘play hooky from work!’

Many women, in today’s society, choose to remain unmarried well past

their 30’s. There is no ‘time limit’ or restrictions or even suggested age

that one must marry now. When women choose to focus on their careers,

their own paths in life, and possibly having children with no marriage

license. . .

I think, “Whatever works for you!”

If you haven’t found Mr. Right, he may just be around the corner.

(At least you have not settled for Mr. Wrong!)

If you are looking for Ms. Right, she may also be just around the corner.

(I hope you catch her eyes!)

If you are content in your ‘Single-dom,’

May it be a kingdom filled with

Joy, Independence and Tranquility!

Who needs an excuse to celebrate being single?

No one needs one, but it is fun to do so, anyway!

Any excuse for a Party of One!

In case you have forgotten the beautiful and inspirational lyrics of

Lee Ann Womack’s song’s lyrics are written by Mark D. Sanders

and Tia Sillers in 2000.

“I Hope You Dance”

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder,

You get your fill to eat, but always keep that hunger.

May you never take one single breath for granted,

God forbid love ever leave you empty-handed.

I hope you still feel small

when you stand beside the Ocean.

Whenever one door closes,

I hope one more opens.

Promise me that you’ll give faith

a fighting chance,

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance,

I hope you dance..

I hope you dance.

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance,

Never settle for the path of least resistance.

Living might mean taking chances but they’re worth taking.

Loving might be a mistake but it’s worth making.

Don’t let some hell-bent heart leave you bitter.

When you come close to selling out– reconsider.

Give the heaven above more than just a passing glance,

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance,

I hope you dance…

I hope you dance.

Time is a wheel in constant motion,

Always rolling us along.

Tell me who wants to look back on

their years and wonder where those

years have gone”

(A couple of repeated stanzas and the “I Hope You Dance” repeats.)

If this song isn’t energetic enough, check out Martina Mc Bride’s

song, “This One’s for the Girls.” Of course, you can always rely on

the fun song, even sung by the little Chipmunks’ girlfriends can

be silly to dance to: “All the Single Ladies” by Beyoncé Knowles

and others.

A totally different song, a rowdy and controversial song with

anti-violence message and ending domestic abuse is called,

Independence Day,” sung by Martina McBride. This was not

played on radios because of the difficult subject matter of a mother

fighting back against abuse by burning her family’s home down.

The reason I support this song is due to Martina McBride’s being a

dual spokeswoman for the National Domestic Violence Hotline and

the National Network to End Domestic Violence.

“Independence Day” contains a powerful message for those who are

needing an ‘anthem’ to give them ‘backbone’ to get out of abusive

situations. I like it just to shout out the lyrics, “Let freedom ring!”

 

The Truth

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It seems like this word, in itself, could fill journals about

its meaning and consequences. The lack of it, definitely present

in society, individuals and often in companies’ actions. It is a

hard thing to come by, these days, it seems, to find an honest

person. Everywhere you turn, media in all its glory, flashes on

the falseness, the liar, and the unfaithful people. Businesses

have false advertising and people who hold C.E.O. positions are

often taking the brunt of the lies, sometimes knowingly promoting

them. Politicians are not to be trusted, or so the media often

publicizes the ones that are the worst, anyway.

“White lies” or “fibs” are what you would normally expect among

friends, loved ones and family. It would be great if that was the

“worst” you would have to face on a daily basis: someone telling

you look “nice” when you are recovering from the flu or that

dress “fits you,” when it has different areas pinching you in

all the wrong places!

It would be fantastic if there were no lying going on. I loved

the wit, satire and sarcasm of Ricky Gervais in the “The Invention

of Lying.” Poor, beautiful Jennifer Garner’s character is the “foil”

for a lot of the jokes and being so sincerely sweet and innocent,

believing Ricky’s character’s bold faced lies!

The song, “You Can Count on Me” comes from the adorable animated

children’s film, “The Fox and the Hound.” It is a great song about

how friends can count on each other. It was written in 1982, by

Burt Bacharach and has been performed by Rod Stewart, Dionne Warwick

Stevie Wonder, and many more. This leads to my second favorite

song about friendship, it begins with those infamous words, “Winter,

Spring, Summer or Fall…” (“You’ve Got a Friend” sung by James Taylor.)

Both of these songs are talking about your friends being there for you,

through thick and thin. I would like to say, that most people also

assume their friends and lovers will be honest, too. I mean, why would

someone say they are your best friend, or “You are my best friend” and

then, turn around and lie? Also, who would expect someone to say the

wedding vows, then within months, turn around and cheat on their new

bride or groom?

I have a “belief system” that I have “paid” for my mistakes in not

always being honest, if I have misjudged someone, or when I omitted

the truth. This is when I feel “karma” has come into play. Maybe

some would think God would punish the lies. I am not sure about this,

I prefer to think payback comes in time, “what goes around, comes

around.”

As I get older, though, sincerely to tell you the truth, I find it

easier to keep my ‘facts straight’ and to stay on the ‘straight and

narrow,” by just telling the truth. Isn’t that a mouthful? But, I

think you may understand, when you ‘make up excuses’ for not attending

a dinner, helping a friend move or something even more serious, you

don’t feel like going to a funeral, if you don’t just say, “I don’t

feel like it,” inevitably you will be caught in this “lie.” You will

be running out to get milk and you aren’t really “sick” as you had

given for the excuse out of a dinner with a somewhat irritating

friend or relative. They catch you and then, not only is their mistrust,

but you must pay with a bunch of guilty feelings!

While discoursing, without much factual backing on this subject, I had

to tell you that the famous line, Jack Nicholas’ character belts out

in the great movie, “A Few Good Men” echoes in my mind:

“You can’t handle the truth!!”

This can also happen, in your life, you are hiding your head like a

turtle, sheltering your heart. You don’t want to know that the person

you loved is unfaithful to you. You don’t want to really know your friend

cheated on her income taxes. You don’t want to… fill in the blanks of

when you would rather hear a lie. You would rather be comforted with the

blanket of untruthfulness.

Have you ever met someone who could look you straight in your eyes, without

batting their eyes, and they could tell you a lie? I have had two men in

my life and a girlfriend do this. It is heart breaking and also, strange when

you look back, seeing that there were threads left dangling, there was some

unraveling going on and you chose to ignore it.

While watching a rerun of “Criminal Minds” I found out that a man or woman

can take the lie detector test and still “pass it” by biting the inside of

their mouth. By creating a painful moment, their can be irregularities in

those “spikes” where the reader can see the lies. But, it can be artificially

created in intervals with little tricks like biting the inside of your mouth,

taking big, deep breaths and exhaling to give your pulse and reactions some

time to relax.

When people are put on the witness stand, they place a hand on the Bible,

then they say those famous words, “I swear to tell the truth, the whole

truth, so help me God.” Wish we could just go around in our lives, being

able to trust our friends, neighbors and loved ones. Sometimes this is

not possible. When you have to face a person who lied to you, how easy

is it for you to forgive? Are their different “levels of transgressions”

that would help you to decide how soon to give out forgiveness?

A serious subject and a diversion from Christmas. Far from the happy

posts, recently, and I hope you will forgive my “breaking up the party”

for these few moments…

Lying.”

Playing the Game of “hot” or “cold”

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When the weather was blustery and cold, when there were piles of

snow covering the slide, swings and merry-go-round on the school

playground, we would play different games at our desks. Sometimes,

it was when someone would be the “picker” and would choose an

item in the classroom to hide while our heads were down. I think

that it usually ended up being the blackboard eraser.  Another game,

may be Hangman or “Around the World” using math flash cards.

When the person has hidden the item, the words, “You are getting

warmer” indicate you are getting close to the hiding place. “You

are getting colder” will as you may guess, if you are not acquainted

with this game, mean you are moving away from the spot.

I am trying to remember some other ones, help me out if you have

any to add in the comments!

I have always felt that people radiate warmth or coolness, in their

attitudes, presence and demeanor. I have been fortunate to have a

lot of wonderful friends who have been “warm” and always have

kept in close touch. I also, have had one of three husbands that I

would classify as “warm.” For fear that they may see this, I won’t

divulge which one was the warmest, by far!

While visiting with a special male friend on Sunday, I regretted

that we were not going to be able to stay close. I would say this

man is a “warm and caring man.” He has cheered me so much,

countless times and I have wished that the times we crossed the

line into “more than friends” that it would last forever. I am sad

to say, he has always made it known he loved someone else.

I sometimes wonder, was I a Pawn in the game of our love life,

and was he waiting for the Queen to show up again?

My Mom and both brothers said my face lighted up more than

they had ever seen it, in a relationship, for years. We spent a lot of

fun times, sharing his family and sharing my family, all members

agreeing that this would be a good “match” for me. I had my hopes

dashed in May, then had them rise up again like soap bubbles in the

air, again for a brief moment over Labor Day weekend.

The call came around two weeks’ ago, November first, to say hello

to my Mom and say Happy Birthday, too. I was very happy, giddy in

fact, to hear his voice. Inexplicably, I again hoped that maybe this

time he had let go of his girlfriend who had said horrible things, I

had comforted him and allowed us to grow into a relationship for

about a year. No, I could hear the “business” type of voice entering

the conversation, switching gears to,

“I found that gift you gave me of your Dad’s engineering slide rule,

that has U. of Cincy. on it and when you get back from your Mom’s we

should meet soon. Maybe you would like to give that to Micah or Skyler

someday?”

I waited until I was on my way home, driving down I-71 from Cleveland,

to indulge myself with a call back to him. I suggested meeting for a cup of

coffee or even a meal, just to catch up. (Yes, what a feeble-minded woman

I am sometimes!)

He said, “This is Sunday. I always have Sunday dinner with my girlfriend.”

(Yes, there were about 11-12 months of Sundays, where I was that lucky

guest for dinner.)

He continued, “Sorry, maybe I will call you next weekend sometime.”

Turns out, I met him at Tim Horton’s on this past Sunday. I even did the

smarter choice of taking the initiative, rolling down my window as he

approached, “Do you want to just give it to me, I don’t want to keep HER

waiting.”

“No, she is in Chicago this weekend, so we can go in and have that cup of

coffee. I do want to catch up with you, Robin.”

I looked “great” or as “great” as I can look. I had a nice gray, soft sweater on,

with a black onyx pendant with a sterling silver chain on. He had always said

he liked it. He told me I looked “nice,” which meant “great” to me!

I ordered a medium coffee with a shot of caramel, room for cream and

sugar or they could add it themselves. I ordered a sour cream glazed

donut. He repeated my coffee order and refrained from the donut. I

suggested a bagel, maybe? No carbs for me, he answered.

I want to go back to the temperatures game. I will tell you this, when

his girlfriend booted him out of her life, her words were hurtful and also,

her demeanor and attitude came across as a “cold” witch of a person. All

of my friend’s family “love” me, saying that woman is not allowed over to

their homes for the holidays. Only one of his siblings and his wife have

met her. She has her own angle on why she wants him back but this is

their fifth year of being together with the one year inserted while she

was taking a break from him, he taking a break with me. She had turned

down his idea of living together. He felt the first four years should have

been enough time.

This is coming to another point in my story, I asked how things were and

he started to tell me wonderful things that they had done the last few

months since we had chatted. He told me that they were drinking a new

drink, he not beer, she not wine. He made it like they had discovered

the cure for cancer or something very unusual not just that they were

drinking Manhattens!

Then, he told me that they had been frequenting a wider variety of

restaurants, traveling a wider circle than we had done in our time

together. I started to “not recognize the man sitting across from me.”

He was wearing a smug and snarky look on his face. He was trying

to say he had changed in his choices for movies and television. The

man that had declined going to see “Les Mis” felt that the old comedy

shows he had dearly loved, DVR’d and laughed out loud at, were

now “dumb!”

I really wanted to wipe that smirk off his face and take away all the

smugness that was seeping out of his now refined pores!

I asked him how his daughters were, he had always called them the

“A-Team” since all their names began with A’s. I had known he (last

summer) had planned on going to California to see them.) Instead,

he said he bought a Chrome tablet and fixed up his truck. He also

mentioned a different trip he had taken with his girlfriend. That

took priority over his girls? I was a little incredulous at this remark

and started to not like him so much either!

The “Pod” person, actually said, “They don’t care if I come!”

I refrained from retorting back. After all, he knows how family comes

first for me. Unless the loved one, him at the time, were busy and could

not come with me, visiting family was a number one priority. I wanted

to shout,

“What have you done with the fun-loving, family man that I met?!”

I wanted to go on… What had caused him to choose serious dramas over

light-hearted comedies? Why the big turn around in choosing fancy

restaurants? Choosing to go to a club or recreation center rather than

playing pool in a bar? Why not enjoy the dancing music while out and

about, like the “old days?”

And, most importantly, why had he chosen the WRONG direction?:

Heading East on vacation, instead of heading West to visit his

children?

Choosing to go to a club or recreation center rather than playing pool

in a bar.

Not drinking beer because it isn’t out of “Mad Men?”

He had chosen to start hanging with Her again, who has slowly lost

touch with her daughter who turned 16 this year. He was ignoring the

“warning signs” of her aloofness that had set in once before and turned

against him! She ‘seemed to care,’ she ‘seemed’ to “play a parent” but

these had been “acts” in the past, couldn’t he see this?

I really think from his satisfied look on his face throughout our two

hour conversation, that he felt he had “traded up” by going back to

this woman.

I felt as I drove away from him after giving him an obligatory hug

before I climbed into my car, that he was not the same.

I could proceed to move forward once again.

I could stop missing him.

No more nostalgia, regrets and memories.

The man I used to know, no longer exists.

He is ice cold or “freezing” in the temperature game!

When I was asked this week by concerned people,

“How did it go on Sunday when you met him?”

I replied,

“It wasn’t him anymore, he was morphed into a Stepford Husband!”

More Newsy Info

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Melvin was back from his trip to Boston, Massachusetts and I was

so happy to see him, I almost hugged him! He is my bright light at

the end of the tunnel, the day that seems to look impossibly long

gets shortened with his little handy, dandy words. He was gone

the whole week before and including Labor Day.

This began at morning start up meeting. He whispered to me, as

I had asked him, “What’s the going rate for lobsters?”

“Guess what? They were $5 a pound and I bought one almost every

day, if not, then I ate a whole lobster out!” Oh, I was filled with envy!

I had told him, the fishermen had charged $5 for any sized lobster out

on Bear Skin Neck. One of my favorite memories had been when my

great aunt and great uncle took turns handing me money to retrieve

two in 1971, my sixteenth summer in Rockport, Mass.

Then, he told me not only did Melvin see some of his Army buddies

who had served in Hawaii, he also had some of his family there for

a reunion. I had not heard this before the trip. He told me that it

was held at a beautiful park and that it was catered in. He had spent

$400 on ten people’s dinners, including his own. He mentioned this,

saying that some of his kids and grandkids didn’t have much money

and he had offered if they made it out East he would cover the reunion.

Also, that Melvin being immodest said, “I was polite, stood in a long line,

letting others go before me, and by the time I got to the buffet, there was

NO MEAT!”

By golly, if my family had allowed me to pay for their meals, I would

have gone around with a hangdog look, pouty face in place and got

some meat! But this is what I mean about Melvin, he was so cheerful

and almost giddy with glee, “I just went on back to my hotel and

ordered up some lobster!”

Obviously, Melvin is not hurting for money. But he grows the nicest

veggies for me, along with the ones that my son, James, gives me,

I have had a wonderful and bountiful summer. He takes good care

of his live-in girlfriend, who declined the offer for the vacation. She

encouraged him to go and see his family and Army buddies, too.

I filled Melvin in on our quest to know the “other Robyn” better and

my recent, curious findings. First of all, she grew up in Detroit, Michigan.

I grew up in Sandusky, Ohio. Another “proof” she is not my long lost

“twin.” If you are lost on this, my continuing saga is just part of being

the brunt of one of Melvin’s jokes, equating me with a woman who is

over seven years’ older than I am, has short, blonde hair that sticks up

like feathers, kind of punked but not on purpose. I think she may just

not remember to comb it. She also “paints” her face with heavy makeup.

She is very sweet, and greets me with this unique way of thinking I

remind of her friend, Alice. I had to find out more, she told me that

she had moved here to Delaware in the 80’s and her Dad had worked

for PPG as a manager. She has a son and daughter, she has been

divorced since the 80’s and never remarried.

Robyn’s Dad died of complications with Parkinson’s Disease in 2000.

I had told her last week, my Dad in January, 2001. On the other hand,

my Mom is alive and kicking but this is where I am going to tell you

there are “gaps” in Robyn’s memory, she says she “Has no clue when

her mother died.” I asked, “Was it after your Dad?”

Robyn replied, “Oh, yeah, sometime after he died.”

She also, to this day, hedges the following questions,

“If I remind you of Alice, do you see her?”

“How long ago did you know Alice?”

and

“Where did you meet Alice?”

She is the Robyn who has daily sign up sheets everywhere in the

building that she puts her initials on, that used to mean about 2

years ago, that you had cleaned that area. We don’t do these but

somehow clean ones are put up weekly for her to keep busy and

sign. I have not figured this out, Melvin and I speculate that she

may have a work plan in place like the schools have IEP’s until she

retires. We hope she can do something else, but as we leave soon

after she arrives, we don’t see actual work being accomplished.

Another weird element of my Labor Day weekend that definitely

confused and set me back was that my ex-boyfriend’s blocked

cell phone number got unblocked. Not looking, while driving up

the road to Mom’s, there was no special ring for him so I picked

up the phone and answered it. I was fully engaged in driving and

I figure if people can balance sandwiches, I can do a straight shot

on I-71 to Cleveland!

I found out it was Mark and tried to get off, saying I was driving.

So, he said he would call later. I could not get him to understand,

No don’t call later.

Next time he called, my Mom who still thinks he was so nice and

he fished so she had sent tons of fishing newpaper clippings the

whole time I had dated, then not dated him for over a year. I said,

“It is Mark.” She said, “Oh answer it, find out how he is and say ‘hi’

from me.”

In the course of the weekend, seven phone calls ensued. Not as

many texts as I used to get from Lenny, but still more than I needed

to hear from Mark. The last ones were he was up on Lake Erie, fishing

with his brother, (who I loved and his sister in law, I loved too.) He had

decided to show him my parents’ cottage and fish off the stone pier

only 3 houses over. They had been in Huron and traveled towards

Vermilion. They were only about 35 minutes away from where I was,

I got a strange longing feeling. Yes, dumb me!

I did not see him but the very last phone call extended me an invite

to the family cookout at his brother and sister in law’s house. He had

also asked if I would like to take Micah (who he had carried on his

shoulders awhile ago, around the Cleveland Zoo) to the Wilds sometime

soon.

My older brother, only 18 months younger but since I have two, I call

him “older” said not to go to the picnic. My younger one, my dreamer,

professor, runner, and one who hopes for good things to happen to

his dear sister, said, “Go! Maybe he gave up on that woman he went

back to. He had some time to think about it, and maybe he is ‘done’

with her and back to who he belongs with!”

I went to the picnic, I enjoyed seeing the grandkids, sister Theresa,

brother and his wife. I had a nice time up until the old jangling ring

that he has for hisused to be, while I dated him, ex-girlfriend/now present

girlfriend rang. I got up and left, hugging the people I wanted to be part

of and had believed a possible future family. They all tell me that woman

has a hold on him that they don’t understand. They always say they “don’t

want her to come”, along with “she thinks she is better than we are!”

I cried all the way home, left a message for my dreamer brother and my

realistic brother, both who had their activities booked. I had my daughter

to cut her hair, two grandsons who hugged me and I will recouperate from

my mistake (again) and hope to close that door more firmly on the past.

The cell phone company prefers you to use their verizon.com to “block”

a phone number but this particular young man on the end of the phone

line who answered my “Help me” words I spoke to each person or message

that I got, was wonderful and a God send. He said he had had to block an

ex, that it had been painful and that he would very kindly do it while I

blubbered to him asking him to do that. I would be on the road and did not

want to hear his apologies.

The words, “You have no right to ask me how I feel…” in the song by Phil

Collins, “Separate Lives” came on the radio after I got off from Verizon. I

thought they were very appropriate to the moment.

I went over my checklist countdown for future times I need to face this

kind of obstacle or sad situation:

1.  Put moral compass in place.

2.  Do a sanity check and call for help (not younger brother or Mom!)

3.  Make a list of pros and cons. Notice cons list is much longer.

Come to the conclusion to: Move forward and not backward!

Silence

Standard

There are so many times that everyone should indulge in the

serenity of silence. The moments that mean the most can be

conducted in silence. Praise and worship is a fine and beautiful

example. Another time it means so much to share silence is

when you are running to greet someone you have not seen

for quite awhile. I have felt speechless, watching couples and

families reuniting at the airport. I then, spying my youngest

daughter, feel that squeeze of the heart, those tears starting

to burst forward when I spy her across the crowd.

That soundless, but so special, moment, hugging and holding

your loved one cannot be matched with a lot of chatter and

needless words.

When you look deeply into someone’s eyes, words are rarely

needed. The look that a new mother has while studying and

closely gazing into her newborn baby’s fluttering eyes is

wordless. That moment can  be equally matched by the father

seeing his baby and holding that precious bundle.

When do you feel the most like having a wordless period of time?

Here is a wonderful quote from Mother Theresa:

“God is the friend of silence.

See how nature, trees, flowers, grass grows in silence;

See how the stars, moon and the sun, how  they

move in silence.

We need silence to be able to touch souls.”

I felt the need to be tranquil last night, I turned my cell

phone to muted. I decided to not read, not look at my blog

nor watch the television. I was alone for about an hour. I

was lying on the floor looking at the ceiling and trying to free

my mind from all my thoughts that kept trying to push their

way into my quiet time. They were invading my privacy with

assailing me with thoughts!

There is another side of silence that I would like to plunge

into. Sometimes, those negative thoughts start to creep in,

invading your peaceful moments, and suddenly taking away

the joy that you need to nourish your brain and your rested,

relaxed body.

Silence has not worked with the one who hurt me more than

twice. Not replying to emails, having blocked his cell phone,

and not breaking down and reciprocating the emails. None of

this have worked. Silence. No replies at all: not working!

My grandmother (mother’s mother) used the “silent treatment”

on her husband, my dear grandpa. He would be puzzled, he

would ignore the silence, and she would conduct daily activities

around the silence. She would break into the silence to ask one of

her two daughters, “Amelia, tell your father it’s dinner time.” My

mother also would be brought into the “conspiracy” and asked to

tell her Dad that he needed to ‘stop by the store after work to pick

up milk for the family.’

My mother told me sometimes days would pass before something

would “break the silence” between her parents!

I don’t want to “break the silence.” But, if I did, I would not be using

the rant I wrote about rather living in a zoo with the monkeys. No,

my serious thoughts in silence form sentences that are more likely

to be powerful.  Maybe, if possible, it would stop the person who

wants to invade my life. He wants to try to continue to irritate while

“staying friends.”

Here is my piece or my peace, depending on the interpretation of

the words that follow:

“Out of over 250 days together passed in close range and filled with

possible moments to cherish, only five to seven days were you ever

fully engaged. There were only less than a week’s worth of days’

time that you were thinking of us, every moment, spent together.”

“You were only “fully mine” and we were completely both happy

for that short period of time. The endless calls, the daily constant

contact with your other female friends was never-ending. There

were not many days that you would ignore their calls.”

I would like to take those golden, splendid days, that I used to take

out as a goal, as the HOPE that kept me going, burning themselves

into my memory bank and throw them out. I want to stop dusting

them off and holding them up for scrutiny, reveling in their brightness.

I think that I would like to have them fade away, I would like them to

get old and tattered like a piece of old newspaper with announcements

that did not last. They should fade fast into darkness and turn black

soon.

I carried the “hurt” heart (and those feelings) for so long that I need to

let them go, as I pray and hope you will let me go. I need to make lots

of room for Joy!”

Contacting him and saying these words would keep the door open, I am

afraid. So, I need to write these words, print them up and read them

until I believe them and then, burn them. And slam that door in my

brain shut and lock it, then throw away the key!