Category Archives: extramarital affair

Upcoming Movie Based on Book, “Fifty Shades of Grey”

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As my good friend, Bill and I were walking out of the movie we saw

together on First Friday in January, he turned to ask me what was the

big deal about the new movie, “Fifty Shades of Grey?” I told him that

my youngest daughter and her friends got very excited about the book,

passing it around like it was a ‘chocolate bar’ or something that could

not be put down when it first came out. I told him I had written a post

back in 2013. They finally found a cast in late 2013 or early 2014, the

movie is going to be released so couples can go see it together for

Valentine’s Day, 2015.

 

I will re-blog the post I wrote about the book since I have read the first

one. It may or may not persuade you to go see the movie. I have already,

not too long ago, written a post which stood up and said, “I didn’t like

the movie, ‘Gone Girl.'” I hate to put my neck out once again about a

film based on a book. I just will hope you ‘hear me out,’ on the subject!

 

There is a big hoopla going on about the book, “Fifty Shades of Grey.”

I am sure  you have heard there are shocking love or sexual scenes in it.

You can imagine, if you have not read the book, it has lots of  juicy and

intimate details. I am glad that the female author (a single mother with a

family to support) who wrote it will be able to help her family survive for

quite awhile on the (3) books’ proceeds.

 

Now, with a movie on its way to be released, the topic needed to be

opened, just like a can of worms. You know I don’t hide from fear or

controversy.

 

When I heard that it was a trilogy, I was flabbergasted. I guess I cannot

imagine it being that great of a subject matter. A boss who uses control

of the young woman underneath him, both at work and in the bedroom,

just doesn’t sound like my ‘cup of tea.’

 

What makes me write about this is the fact that it is intermingling two

diverse subjects: sexual pleasure (lovemaking) and control. There is

a breathy element of naughty mixed with the possibility of danger in

the books. I am not one who likes to give up my own right to express

myself and handing over power to an authority figure, as in the case

of Mr. Grey, I cannot imagine Human Resources being too happy with

this situation either. I only got through one of the books; just barely.

 

I have a few thoughts about the first book. Sorry, I did not wish to read

the other ones, but I can base this on the first one. . .

 

I have seen a few good movies which cover the same subject matter and

topic. Both Nicholas Cage and Clint Eastwood played characters who

explored the “under belly of the city.” They investigated the sleazy world

of pornography, sex trade of prostitutes and the subject of asphyxiation

to create a “high.”

 

All of this is by no means “NEW.” I do remember Cage’s film was

called, “8 mm.”

Clint Eastwood was in two movies on the subject, “Play Misty for Me”

and the more risqué one, “Tightrope.”

 

The movie, “8 mm.” refers to the film size not the male organ’s size.

(Trying to get you to laugh!)

 

There is a sad and also violent more current movie entitled, “Blue

Valentine.” In it the couple is played by Michelle Williams and Ryan

Gosling. I also have seen, “In the Cut” with Mark Ruffalo. There are

mainstream movies that have the enticement of the naughty and kinky

parts of relationships.

When salacious details are told in the context of a mystery, intrigue or

relationship analysis, it can be worth watching.

 

Maybe that is what people are figuring why “Fifty Shades of Grey” is

worth reading. How the romance and relationship are enhanced by

interesting use of role playing captive and captor.

 

Props to play games in the bedroom such as scarves or neckties can

be fun, as well as handcuffs. The quality of the book is more of the

issue, along with the way some of the readers have become rabid,

almost in their fascination and conversations.

 

Every summer I have chosen what I consider ‘beach reads,’ books

that have romance or some playfulness in the plot. For mysteries,

Janet Evanovich, (I have read up to her #19th book, which includes

the two men in the main character of the book’s life.) I also read Nora

Roberts and other romance novelists, who have manly or masculine

‘heroes’ and feminine, but independent, heroines. I like the use of

both characters having the quality of strength, along with a sensitive

nature or side for both sexes coming into play.

 

I am abhorrent of the idea of mixing violence, or even roughness,

with sex.

You may call me a little old fashioned but no one I know would call

me a “prude” or “prurient” in nature.

 

I have a lot of enjoyable and fun memories of the days of trying all

kinds of positions, sex toys, and lubricants. I still have many styles of

lingerie; some of which added a lot of excitement on three honeymoons.

 

Working as a child advocate at a battered women’s shelter put a major

damper on some of my thinking about whips, chains and being tied

up.  The act of choking someone to get them to be on the edge of an

orgasm is not something you would consider seriously once you met

and witnessed a few women who had the ligature marks from the hands

that had surrounded their necks.

 

The bruising on “CSI” television shows or “Law and Order, Special

Victim’s Unit,” pales in comparison to the actual and real sight of this.

I have  met and heard the most horrendous stories of women who had

started the evening while making love with their significant other, only

to have it “go way wrong.”

 

This would include the woman whose husband wanted her to wear her

cowboy boots and a cowgirl vest while he wore his steel toed boots.

Warning! Below reading this, consider if it will upset you too much.

 

If you don’t want to hear this, stop and skip this part. It is violent.

The cowboy used his steel toed boot where it did not belong. It was

not her idea of excitement and the surgery needed to repair this,

along with her lifelong residual pain, is horrendous.

 

The emergency room staff called me, since I was “on call” to pick her

up. Usually I was packing my children in a car to pick up someone

with or without their child/children at the police station. This is

because a police car would reveal the confidential location of the

shelter if it were to be the transporter.

 

Another instance, was a man who thought while his wife was

suspended by a rope low enough to enter her, that would make her

have a great time and it would help get his rocks off, too. It ended

up another emergency room disaster. The nurse was required to

call the police, who then pressed charges on the man since it

turned out, the wife had not been consensual but actually had

been coerced into this bizarre sexual situation.

 

The hospital does not take kindly to these acts and will press charges

if they are involved, even if the woman doesn’t want to press charges.

That is the law and they have made a commitment to report any abuse

or suspicion of abuse.

 

Even if both parties are agreed at the beginning, most of the time,

the women who get hurt, admit they were asking the male participant

to “Stop.”

 

Sometimes, of course, it is an accidental situation but for the most

part, the woman have been dosed with a certain “date rape” drug or

over-indulged with alcohol.

In those cases, the police do step in. The man is accused of taking

advantage of the situation.

 

I hope all those enjoying the book series will continue to do so.

I just had to put my 2 cents in.

 

I have to say, “NO THANKS,” when it comes to participating in

games where there are dominant and submissive roles.

 

Not that anyone is asking for me to actively participate

in such sexual escapades. . .

Loose Remnants

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I am writing a short post to let you know that I will be going on vacation up in

Sunny Cleveland! I enjoy Lake Erie, my Mom’s company and my brothers and

sister in law, who all fit in visits or invitations for me to accompany them to a

meal out. This means that I may get a chance to use the public computer that

is located in the Pub. I can listen to the sound of men playing poker, women who

gather in the a.m. to do “Wi” exercises or possibly have to wait for the entire

week for the woman who is addicted to “Candy Crush” and “Farm Hero Saga”

games!

I have a funny and interesting ‘library intrigue’ that you may be curious to know

about! My good coworker friends and happily married girlfriends are always

probing for any little morsels of ‘single-dom’ that I may share with them.

This one almost ‘takes the cake’ for winners! A woman who I met in AAUW, was

my editor of my (I was President) monthly newsletter and became a close friend

since 1993, got divorced in 2009. Her husband is always waving and looking

at me at the library. I smile and nod, being cordial and polite. I would never look

twice at him, “Joe’s” not my ‘type’ at all!

Last Thursday, as I was hurrying out of the library, to pack up and get ready to leave

after work on Friday for my super wedding extravaganza weekend, “Joe” handed me

a note.

Now, if you have ‘followed’ me for awhile, I have received offers for many things, in

the months that have passed since my youngest daughter ‘left me’ to live in Columbus

with her laptop! I have had an invitation to go out for a “fast food dinner,” followed

within an hour of the invitation, by a wife standing behind him, her  hands on his

shoulders, saying, “Are you ready to go now, dear!” Really! The ‘nerve’ of some people!

He must have meant very fast food!)

I got invited t join a nearly homeless man at Open Mic night at Roop’s. I still talk to

this man, Chad.

I had received a longer letter from someone named “Roger,” who had explained why

he was probably not the ‘right man’ for me, saying he had run one of the bowling

alleys here in town, had moved to Florida and was interested in taking me out to

eat using a gift card that he had received from his daughter in the mail that week.

(I forget, was it Father’s Day? a holiday?)

I was offered a Pupperoni (yes! for dogs!) stick which the man meant to be handing

me a Slim Jim! and other silly antics that somehow I provoke out of men!

This one, though, took me by surprise.

I went out to the car and opened Joe’s note that was carefully folded in two. It held

a short but neatly written note, asking if I would find a “different venue” for continuing

a conversation, choosing a place where I would feel comfortable and the last line

shocked me a bit!

It said, “And if you are feeling frisky, it can be at your house or mine.” It was signed

with husband of my good friend, who moved first to Dublin, Ohio while divorcing her

“Joe.” Then,  when her son graduated from college,  she moved out to Sacramento.

Now, she has chosen to live in Las Vegas, where her son got transferred.

Of course, I know lots of sordid details of their marriage, none of them appealing to

me, in the least!

Now, if it had been the ‘randy’ firefighter who had showed his hose, demonstrating

his prowess to over 50 lovers all across town, various professions, including a female

gynecologist. If it had been my acquaintance’s ex-husband, Jerry, I may have said,

“If you have your shots records, plenty of condoms and a plan to ‘wine and dine’ me,

Maybe I will go with you!” (Sorry, acquaintance who is a distant ‘friend’ since I don’t

feel I owe you anything, in the way of manners!) Additional information: Just kidding!

I am meeting a mutual friend of this couple, “Joe” and his ex, tonight for a coffee and

dessert. I may show her the note, since it is hardly of much interest to my children or

other family members. Someone needs to give me an opinion. I am ‘torn’ whether or

not to let my long distance close friend know about the note. Maybe she will laugh?

Maybe it is still a sore subject? My friend, Jenny, will let me know and I bet it will

be advice to:

“Keep your mouth shut, Robin!”

Talk to you soon, hope you have a grand and exciting week!

I will have some moments where I will try to sneak onto that one computer at

Mom’s Senior Living Apartments!

Happy Fourth of July, too!

 

 

Saturday Hobbies

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When my parents married, my father didn’t really like ‘jocks.’

He was, and always will be, a ‘nerd,’ in some people’s books. I

laugh at the line in Shania Twain’s song, “That Don’t Impress

Me Much,” when it talks about a ‘rocket scientist.’ My father

could have easily been a mechanic or a carpenter. He was good

with his hands. As a hard-working pre-teen, he hitchhiked to

Covington, KY to work, sweeping White Castle out, for his and

his mother’s rent money. Once a kindly truck driver took him,

(I have mentioned this before) to the top of the hill overlooking

the ‘ghetto’ or poor section of town. My Dad was told the magical

(paraphrased) words, “You can be somebody, if you go to this

college,” (University of Cincy) and ‘rise above your roots.’

My Dad took those words to heart.

I won’t repeat my parents’ love story but I will tell you another

facet about my Dad’s life.

He was not interested, once married to my Mom, in extra-curricular

activities. My Dad enjoyed hobbies, such as painting, building and

fixing things around the house.

Working first at Oak Ridge, Tennessee on the nuclear reactor, then

settling into Sandusky, Ohio working as a team leader at Plum Brook,

he was happy to ‘putter’ around the house, ride bikes with us, go

on hikes or build treehouses, sandboxes, bookcases or other things

that made our lives enriched. He was a Boy Scout leader for my brothers’

troop and gladly square-danced with my friends and me, at our annual Girl

Scout’s “Father-Daughter Dance.”

He was not asked to golf or go out for drinks after working at NASA all day,

since he was known to be a ‘straight shooter.’ Sometimes, my Mom will lately

wonder what would have happened with his career, had he done these simple

activities with coworkers. Would he have not chosen to retire at age 55, when

he reached his thirty years’ mark?

Later, when he wrote a semi-autobiographical book called, “Hot Lab,”

he did it under a pseudonym. He didn’t want to get in trouble, but

he predicted nuclear reactor’s breakdowns, like “China Syndrome” (film)

and Chernobyl (real life). But probably most of the purchases of his

book were by coworkers and neighbors. I was proud, at age 15, to have

been the one he turned to, to be his ‘editor,’ since he wanted it to

‘flow’ and be readable. He included a part of the semi-autobiographical

book, where the main character indulges in ‘feeling up’ a secretary.

My mother never gave it a second thought, she knew it wasn’t possible

for her husband to engage in adultery. She did get upset, during one

period of my Dad’s career, the way a secretary flirted outrageously,

with my father. There is a post, where I wrote about this, but my Mom

‘put a stop to that nonsense!’

My parents, like Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton, were very loud

and raucous, at times, before I took over the editing and typing the

manuscript on one of those old black, gold letter typewriters. Maybe

it was a Royal, but it could have been a Remington?

In other words, had my Dad given any advice at all about marriage, he

would have said to be passionate, involved and ‘don’t fool around.’

I passed this on recently to my handsome son, who could easily choose

to go down the ‘wrong path’ his own father chose. My first husband,

first love and meeting on the first day of college, my only chance at

a lifelong marriage, chose after we had children, to wander off on

weekends, after work to bars and basically, not be ‘engaged’ in his

children or wife. My son is quite the opposite, works all day as a

cook (now a ‘chef’) and comes home to clean the kitchen, make dinner

and plays with his children. He loves to hike, climb on the toys and

I have two pictures of him, up in a tree, one with his five year old

and the other with his three year old girls, (My M & M granddaughters.)

So, don’t take this personally, guys. You may go off and make your wives

‘golf widows,’ and that may be their means of escaping to the grocery

store or malls, watching romantic comedies with girlfriends, or other

ways to show their freedom, too.

My youngest daughter and I watched, “The Other Woman,” movie last night

at the Polaris Rave Theatre. The audience included mostly women, along

with a few elderly couples. A lot of raucous laughter ensued! I would

recommend seeing this with a daughter, niece or if you are young, friends

who are heading to the altar. The trio of comedic actresses are Cameron Diaz,

Leslie Mann and Kate Upton. Don Johnson plays Cameron Diaz’s father. The

best actress in a comedy role, since Melissa McCarthy, is Leslie Mann! She

is hilarious! If there is a part of the movie, that will burst you into

roaring laughter is the ‘bit’ where Leslie’s character is getting ready to

be a burglar, private investigator and follow her husband around; That

sneaking ‘bastard!’ (Excuse the swear word!)

At the end of the movie, we hugged and smiled. But then, as we walked out

to the ladies’ restroom, my only ‘single’ daughter, age 28, said these

serious words, “Mom, how did you do it? How did you trust again, after

you were in a couple of marriages with men who put their own personal

life ahead of their family?”

Great question! I should not have married the fraternity man, the one

who loved the Bengals and who was the quarterback on his high school

football team! What was I thinking at age 22?

I believed that it was possible for my ex, to be like my Dad, with

absolutely no ‘frame of reference,’ and choose to be a better person.

It still to me, constantly amazes me! (I mean, who “falls in love” on

the first day of college, age 18?!)

My second husband, came from a family of a father with a stepmom, who

met all the qualities of the “Evil Stepmother.” She had cream carpet

upstairs, so she put the three boys in a cold, cement basement with

beds and an area rug. They were aged 3, 5 and 7. I think about my

wishes for ‘saving him’ from his past. You cannot sometimes ‘fix’

someone, no matter how hard I tried to pour love, sex (lots of it!)

and my family who accepted this ‘broken man.’ It didn’t work.

You may wonder where I am going with this, I am heading to the humorous

part. My daughter will find a much better man, having my life to be an

example of ‘don’t do as I did, do as I say…’ policy.

She sees her brother doing a great job, braiding My Little Pony’s tails

and manes. She knows a Doctor, who she worked for as a babysitter first.

Later, she worked on breaks from college, in his office. This man will

be one she can focus on. He cherishes and adores his wife and kids.

And, yes, on Saturday mornings, he walks the two boys down the street to

eat breakfast at Hamburger Inn. He allows his wife and baby daughter to

sleep in, to indulge in a few extra minutes of rest. While he is ‘building’

two fine, young men by setting an example of a good husband and father.

While building a relationship with his family, he is also setting a role

model for my daughter. My children had a grandfather, but no great fathers,

to set these examples for them.

Here are two golf jokes that are stories, but not true! Mom found them:

1. “Ed and Nancy met while on a singles’ cruise. Ed fell head over

heels for her.

When they discovered they lived in the same city only a few miles apart,

Ed was ecstatic. He immediately started asking her out when they got

home.

Within a couple of weeks, Ed had taken Nancy to dance clubs, restaurants,

concerts, movies and museums. Ed became convinced that Nancy was indeed

his soul mate and true love. Every date seemed better than the last.

On the one-month anniversary of their first dinner on the cruise ship,

Ed took Nancy to a fine restaurant. While having cocktails and waiting

for their salad, Ed said,

‘I guess you can tell I’m very much in love with you. I’d like a little

serious talk before our relationship continues to the next stage. So,

before I get out of my jacket a little box for you, I think it is only

fair to warn you, I am a total golf ‘nut.’ I play golf, I read about golf,

I watch golf, in short, I eat, sleep and breathe golf!

If that’s going to be a problem for us, you’d better say so now.”

Nancy took a deep breath and responded, “Ed, that certainly won’t be a

problem. I love you as you are and I love golf, too. But, since we’re

being honest with each other, you need to know that for the last five

years, I’ve been a hooker.”

Ed said, “I bet it’s because you’re not keeping your wrists straight

when you hit the ball.”

2. Subject: Golf Joke

“Wife: ‘Where the heck have you been? You said you’d be home by noon!’

Husband: ‘I’m so sorry, honey… but you probably don’t want to hear

the reason.’

Wife: ‘I want the truth, and I want it NOW!’

Husband: ‘Fine. We finished in under 4 hours, quick beer in the club-

house, I hopped in the car, and would have been here at noon, on the

button. On the way home, I spotted a girl half our age, struggling

with a flat tire. I changed it in a jiffy, and next she’s offering me

money. Of course, I refuse it. Then she tells me she was headed to the

bar at the Sheraton Hotel, and begs me to stop so she can buy me a beer.

She’s such a sweetie, I said ‘yes,’ before you know it– one beer turned

into 3 or 4. I guess we were looking pretty good to each other. Then she

tells me she has a room there, less than 50 steps from our table.

She suggested we get some privacy while pulling me by the hand.

Now, I’m in her room… clothes are flying… the talking stopped…

and we proceed to have sex in every way imaginable. It must have gone

on for hours, because before I know it the clock says 5:30.

I jumped up, threw my clothes on, ran to the car, and here I am!

There. You wanted the truth. You got it!

Wife: Bull —-! You played 36 holes, didn’t you?!”

Hope you got a few laughs out of these! Imagine, my Mom (age 86),

saving these for me to share with you!

The Truth

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It seems like this word, in itself, could fill journals about

its meaning and consequences. The lack of it, definitely present

in society, individuals and often in companies’ actions. It is a

hard thing to come by, these days, it seems, to find an honest

person. Everywhere you turn, media in all its glory, flashes on

the falseness, the liar, and the unfaithful people. Businesses

have false advertising and people who hold C.E.O. positions are

often taking the brunt of the lies, sometimes knowingly promoting

them. Politicians are not to be trusted, or so the media often

publicizes the ones that are the worst, anyway.

“White lies” or “fibs” are what you would normally expect among

friends, loved ones and family. It would be great if that was the

“worst” you would have to face on a daily basis: someone telling

you look “nice” when you are recovering from the flu or that

dress “fits you,” when it has different areas pinching you in

all the wrong places!

It would be fantastic if there were no lying going on. I loved

the wit, satire and sarcasm of Ricky Gervais in the “The Invention

of Lying.” Poor, beautiful Jennifer Garner’s character is the “foil”

for a lot of the jokes and being so sincerely sweet and innocent,

believing Ricky’s character’s bold faced lies!

The song, “You Can Count on Me” comes from the adorable animated

children’s film, “The Fox and the Hound.” It is a great song about

how friends can count on each other. It was written in 1982, by

Burt Bacharach and has been performed by Rod Stewart, Dionne Warwick

Stevie Wonder, and many more. This leads to my second favorite

song about friendship, it begins with those infamous words, “Winter,

Spring, Summer or Fall…” (“You’ve Got a Friend” sung by James Taylor.)

Both of these songs are talking about your friends being there for you,

through thick and thin. I would like to say, that most people also

assume their friends and lovers will be honest, too. I mean, why would

someone say they are your best friend, or “You are my best friend” and

then, turn around and lie? Also, who would expect someone to say the

wedding vows, then within months, turn around and cheat on their new

bride or groom?

I have a “belief system” that I have “paid” for my mistakes in not

always being honest, if I have misjudged someone, or when I omitted

the truth. This is when I feel “karma” has come into play. Maybe

some would think God would punish the lies. I am not sure about this,

I prefer to think payback comes in time, “what goes around, comes

around.”

As I get older, though, sincerely to tell you the truth, I find it

easier to keep my ‘facts straight’ and to stay on the ‘straight and

narrow,” by just telling the truth. Isn’t that a mouthful? But, I

think you may understand, when you ‘make up excuses’ for not attending

a dinner, helping a friend move or something even more serious, you

don’t feel like going to a funeral, if you don’t just say, “I don’t

feel like it,” inevitably you will be caught in this “lie.” You will

be running out to get milk and you aren’t really “sick” as you had

given for the excuse out of a dinner with a somewhat irritating

friend or relative. They catch you and then, not only is their mistrust,

but you must pay with a bunch of guilty feelings!

While discoursing, without much factual backing on this subject, I had

to tell you that the famous line, Jack Nicholas’ character belts out

in the great movie, “A Few Good Men” echoes in my mind:

“You can’t handle the truth!!”

This can also happen, in your life, you are hiding your head like a

turtle, sheltering your heart. You don’t want to know that the person

you loved is unfaithful to you. You don’t want to really know your friend

cheated on her income taxes. You don’t want to… fill in the blanks of

when you would rather hear a lie. You would rather be comforted with the

blanket of untruthfulness.

Have you ever met someone who could look you straight in your eyes, without

batting their eyes, and they could tell you a lie? I have had two men in

my life and a girlfriend do this. It is heart breaking and also, strange when

you look back, seeing that there were threads left dangling, there was some

unraveling going on and you chose to ignore it.

While watching a rerun of “Criminal Minds” I found out that a man or woman

can take the lie detector test and still “pass it” by biting the inside of

their mouth. By creating a painful moment, their can be irregularities in

those “spikes” where the reader can see the lies. But, it can be artificially

created in intervals with little tricks like biting the inside of your mouth,

taking big, deep breaths and exhaling to give your pulse and reactions some

time to relax.

When people are put on the witness stand, they place a hand on the Bible,

then they say those famous words, “I swear to tell the truth, the whole

truth, so help me God.” Wish we could just go around in our lives, being

able to trust our friends, neighbors and loved ones. Sometimes this is

not possible. When you have to face a person who lied to you, how easy

is it for you to forgive? Are their different “levels of transgressions”

that would help you to decide how soon to give out forgiveness?

A serious subject and a diversion from Christmas. Far from the happy

posts, recently, and I hope you will forgive my “breaking up the party”

for these few moments…

Lying.”

On Duty

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One of my fantasies is that I am a very cool private investigator,

solving crimes, finding information, and making things “right”

for those that have gone “wrong.”

Reminiscent of the “Maltese Falcon” where I will be “Sam Spade”

and I would need a friend to play the character “Gladys.”

Yes, it would be exciting to have a “Moonlighting” life!

I have a short post in mind today. No problem for those who

may wish to have a quick read and refresh themselves. Maybe

you will enjoy escaping from your own life for a moment!

What needs to be brought on your stake out?

List 3 necessary items, using the 3 categories:  Foods, Tools, or ???

Foods/snacks:

1.  I love sweets to keep my energy up so Hot Tamales, donuts, or

candy bars (Fast Break or Mounds).

2.  I need to choose some salty balance, like potato chips, corn

chips, Sun Chips (cheddar or sun dried tomato flavors) or

crunchy Cheetos.

3.  Beverages like iced tea, iced coffee or hot coffee (depending on

the season.) Hence, the number one “tool!”

Tools:

1.  I would need to have a phone and a local map that would help

me locate the closest bathroom facilities! (Maybe Depends?)

2.  I would need paper and pen to write details, mileage, and “just

the facts” down. No drama here, ha ha!

3.  I need to have a camera for collecting any evidence of “proof.”

Watch out cheaters, I will be collecting some photographs! Watch

out, criminally connected Ohio mobsters/gangsters, I will be in a

lot of dark alleys! Oh, forget about any secrets you have hidden, I

will be on them like ‘bees on honey!’

???

1.  A partner would help in so many ways! To keep me awake and

focused. To help throw ideas around and play out the possibilities.

Someone to provide “back up” when needed or talk me out of doing

something wild or crazy, too.

2.  A friend at home “base” to call and check in with about new

prospects or “leads” on the case load (receptionist, computer ‘geek’

or someone to run and bring stuff to me/us.)

3.  An office space where the filing cabinet, answering machine

and receptionist or secretary or all around ‘jack of all trades’ would

be located.

Escapism is the perfect way to get out of my “rut” and what better

time to start a new career than when I have NOTHING TO LOSE!!

Plus, I could start my new blog, “reocochran,p.i.wordpress.com”

 

Typing Class troublemakers

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The class sounds so archaic: “Typing 101.” In our classroom,

my high school friends and I had a blast there! I am talking

about some girls and guys who usually stayed out of trouble and

got excellent grades.

We were the ‘brown nosers’ and the ‘goody two shoes’ most of

our high school career. In this class we were sometimes called

to the front of the class, got low C grades and could barely

concentrate on our assignments!

What made us go a little crazy in typing class? We were assigned

some letter writing tasks that made us decide to not only be a little

creative but a little ‘dirty,’ too. We were writing to each other and

when we would have to hand them in, our typing teacher would

roll her eyes and seem to get exasperated! (Too bad, it is too late

to ask her; “Did we entertain you?” Hope so!)

This is what we wrote about: movies and specifically, our place in

famous peoples’ lives! Each of the young girls in our tight knit group

had chosen a famous person to be married to. So, Becky was Mrs.

Redford, I was Mrs. Newman, Diane was Mrs. Hoffman, etc. We also

included a couple of guys who were happy to be married to Farrah

Fawcett and Cheryl Tiegs.

What on earth was the reason? Because we thought it would make our

letter writing tasks more unique and interesting. So, I could write that

I went to a fantastic movie premiere, checked in with the babysitter on

our car phone and then went to an “after party.” Or I could mention to

my dear friend, Becky, that I needed to borrow that cute red bandana

top to go sit in the grandstands to watch my husband, Paul, race his

car towards the finish line! It made the tasks bearable and fun!

I forget who was married to Steve McQueen but you can bet she wrote

about the amazing stunts he did himself in “Bullitt” or in “Le Mans.”

I also forget all the wandering adventures that Mrs. Warren Beatty

engaged in, but she was every bit as racy and naughty as her husband!

Each of us pushed the indecency a little to include sexual encounters,

swinging experiences and dangerous situations. All while trying to

stay connected as friends and learning about our own sexual desires.

 

Did you ever engage in such escapism or fantasies while in high school?

Do you want to or dare to comment?

Love is a Battlefield

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This is going to appear as a stream of consciousness on

the subjects of marriage, relationships that fall apart,

whether or not some are salvageable or not. Then how

to handle divorce.

Love warfare can mean “all’s fair in love and war!”

We have all been down in the trenches with someone we

had a commitment with and wanted to make it work.

Let’s start with dating situations…

Don’t be a doormat. When you meet a man you can come

across as someone who is strong and assertive without

being bossy or the opposite; whiny and weak. The best way

to be able to present yourself in a dating situation is to be

happy and act as if everyone is your best friend. That does

not mean be too comfortable!

I am going to tell you something, this is directed to either a

man or a woman: Don’t be listening to stories about his or

her ex! This is something that I meet men and they want to

start to spill their guts about all that went wrong. Wrong! I

am not your counselor and I am sure that we may eventually

talk about your problems and take out the baggage. But never

start on a first date! Please, trust me on this!

When you become the “listening date” you are ‘losing ground’

and losing the chance in becoming the next person that this

date will have in their life! You will only be a “rebound” friend.

You will cover all kinds of bonding and feel like you are building

a great foundation and BOOM! You are out of the frontline of this

person’s interest. You think, “But I am only being nice by

listening….”

Please don’t defend this strategy.  I am speaking from

experience. Been there, done that!

You need to get an edge!

My Mom has an interesting perspective (age plus some wisdom that

comes with age!) She says, “Try moving in a different direction to get

attention. Try a new recipe, hobby, read an article to share,… because

like magnets, people are attracted to others who are moving away from

them. It is FUN to be chased!” My mother said one time, “Go on your

merry way and soon right behind you, almost on your heels, is who you

wanted to catch all along.”

I am looking forward to some input that will validate this position.

Let’s go on to marriages or committed relationships…

Now, I am speaking on the subject of unfaithfulness. I have felt the pain

of being the one who is not being loved. But I do think you may need to

decide if there is any chance, especially if there are children, to reconcile.

This is not the way you would expect me to respond! I know!

Be strong while dating and be compromising if trying to save a family.

Children are the casualties in the war between the spouses.

“If you want something bad enough, you will fight for it!”

Men or women, gird your loins, gear up and get ready for the battle of

the century!

May the best man/woman WIN!

Hopefully, you will be the last one standing with your mate side by side.

Unfaithfulness can be fixed, it takes a lot of effort, and tons of forgiveness.

Letting the hurt one tell what really needs to be done to reassure him or her,

by having a counselor guide the couple through the problems until they are

resolved.

Draw your lines in the sand, letting him or her know what won’t be allowed

to happen in the future.

No repeated mistakes or ‘there’s the door!’

Give it your “best shot.” Once you start that path back to a healthy

marriage, be gentle with each other’s hearts.

And if after counseling and trying to get the spark back, you both agree

the damage is done and the marriage is over….

If you don’t make it back to that place where you are secure together, try

to remember again, if you have children, to make sure you develop as

close a friendship as you can. After the damage has been done, moving

towards the patching of a relationship after the divorce to be a sane and

peaceful one filled with open communication is important.

Give up the fight, lick your wounds and move forward one step at a time.

I have a very good friend who was in the military and an officer. Sue and

her husband were back at “home” on the base for a period of time. She

had been trying to unwind (basically, “detox” from the action) and get

acclimated to being not in such a stressful place anymore. Meanwhile,

her husband  was spending a lot of time at either the officer’s club,

playing pool, drinking or socializing.

Sue felt he was “escaping from the horrors we had experienced.” She

also overheard a rumor going around the base that he was having an

affair. They talked, she found out the truth and since there were no kids

they decided to dissolve their marriage. One thing she knew was, she

could have pursued a court martial! I was not aware of this potential

blow to this man, but she told me that was true. A married officer is not

to be unfaithful on the base nor with another military person. Instead

she chose 50% of his assets and pension. My friend “won” money but

also chose to not ‘re-up.’ She got out of the military, feeling very remorseful

since they had gone in young, stuck together during skirmishes in the Iraq

war and now, she was alone.

Another unfaithful story makes me upset just thinking about it! A young man

chooses who he considers the “hottest girl in high school” and goes after her.

He marries her, somewhere down the road 3 years and they have 2 children.

She is working during the day and he is working afternoon shift. He has an

affair with the woman’s best friend and neighbor. He thinks it is funny, he

says, “One day the wife comes home and just misses the action going on.

Clothes are on but not even buttoned and she carries in the 2 toddlers and

doesn’t notice. Can you imagine how out of touch she is to her husband?”

This story was told me in the Fall and I was appalled. I guess the laughter is

one reason for me to see “red.” The other is that he chose her and now, she’s

a mother to his children and she is no longer enough?  It hurts me to think

back to a different time, a different scenario during my personal life. I heard

the similar attitude from the man I was married to and raising children while

he had several affairs.

I tried to fight to save the love especially for the children’s sake.

If given a chance, couples should try counseling and hope that the therapist

is able to give them steps to repair the relationship. I have read a few Ladies’

Home Journal Magazines over the years where the counselor is able to convince

the couple that they still love each other. Soon they have put their marriage and

love as a higher priority than the affair that could have wrecked their marriage.

Hope springs eternal!

The words Inner Strength come to mind. The hurt one by unfaithfulness needs to

use Inner Resolve to get through to the other side.

I like the song that has these lyrics from Rodney Atkins,

“If you’re going through Hell, keep on going, don’t slow down.

If you’re scared, don’t show it.

You might get out before the devil even knows you’re there.”

Now, because I have used the word Hell, I want to make a final statement about

what marriages should not be saved: Physically abusive ones are very challenging

and usually not worth saving. This goes to the deep rooted need to hurt by hitting,

wounding, shoving, and other dangerous moves that are nearly impossible to

“cure” or “fix.”

The biggest problem is that the abuse can escalate and become life-threatening.

It is nearly impossible to rehabilitate a man/woman who hits or hurts their spouse.

It is hard to get counselors that can give the intense counseling needed to “break

the cycle of abuse.”

You are not a loser in this war.

You are a survivor.