Category Archives: first marriage

Tackling Life Through Film

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Life is gritty,  it is messy  and mistakes happen often.  There are no

‘easy’ paths to take nor do you expect things to always fall into place

in the real world. The film, “Boyhood,” which tackles reality of life in

relationships and many dimensions of everyday families has been

well received. You may have heard that Richard Linklater wrote and

directed this original screenplay.  Instead of using different actors to

portray time passing and people aging, he used the unique process of

gathering all the same people together to make this film, year after

year.  It took twelve years to make, “Boyhood.”

 

The beginning of each school year is carefully documented with

the different locations the family has moved to, along with the

ever changing wide variety of characters in each segment.

 

Two children who share the story’s childhood are played by his

daughter, Lorelei Linklater and newcomer, Ellar Coltrane. The

reoccurring character roles for a period of twelve years. You see

Lorelei acting like Britney Spears in her famous song, “I’m Not

That Innocent.” The adults who portray their parents are played

by Ethan Hawke and Patricia Arquette. This endearing movie just

may possibly win the 87th Academy Award’s “Best Picture of

the Year.”

 

Here are some of the themes displayed in this ground-breaking

film:

Love

Marriage

Children

Divorce

Family

Bullying

Finding your passion

Elementary School dynamics

Moving to other homes/schools

High School dynamics

College education

Photography

Empty Nest

Religion

Music

Art

 

Relationships

Connections

Forgiveness

 

When my good friend, Gary, who writes for a living on the staff

of the “Columbus Dispatch” asked me to let him know what I

thought about the movie, “Boyhood,” I may have responded a

little bit late at night. I wrote him a rather long text about my

feelings about the movie. Overall, I told him, along with my

youngest daughter and my brother, Rich, I would give this a

three * * * rating out of four * * * *.

 

There are very interesting aspects to this movie, one is how

the mother really tries to help her children lead a successful

life, while still making poor relationship/marriage choices.

Oh boy. This is actually my story being played on the Big

Screen.

The first husband ends up the ‘best of the lot.’ There are times

you feel he is really ‘on the ball,’ showing he cares by being very

articulate and expressing how much he wants to know his two

children, son and daughter’s thoughts. He engages in a serious

sexual conversation, which did not embarassess me at all. It

was so reminiscent of both my parents it startled me. This is

quite disconcerting, since we are open-minded and say just

about anything, my brothers and both my parents, when my

Dad was alive. My Mom is still a ‘hoot’ because she is about

the most modern woman I know, except possibly Betty White,

who also is above 80 years old. She just turned 90, right?

 

The sad element of the story is mentioned in my one word

use of “Bullying” in the list of different reoccurring themes in

the movie. Poor Mason, never seems ‘to catch a break.’ His Dad

cares about him, but gets preoccupied with his musical career.

Ethan Hawke does an excellent job singing, having also written

some of the songs they all sing in the movie.  He is used as a

scapegoat by his mother’s second husband and is bullied by her

third husband. He manages to get through several of the moves,

jobs and choices by just ‘sliding,’ playing a kind of  ‘slacker.’ But

underneath the surface, Mason is the central character you are

rooting for throughout the movie. He is a deep thinker, an artist,

with a camera, a daydreamer, and he makes it to college, winning

a silver medal and scholarship.

 

Does this encompass too much revealing information? No, I will

reassure you, it is the slow unwinding of the story, as if it were

a book you were reading chapter by chapter. The summary on

the book jacket (or in this film,  the DVD case) doesn’t tell you

the whole story.

 

Will you like it? I hope so.

You will need to set aside time, take breaks and I feel take time

to digest the story. I had to rewind the film since the changes in

his elementary years are NOT designated, “One year later.” You

have to ‘keep up with the film,’ pay attention to how quickly the

girl develops and seems to be a ‘brat’ until she becomes more

confident in her own ability to be independent.

 

Patricia Arquette is amazing. I felt her world. I felt her needs

and her interests. I felt her ‘weight of the world,’ trying the very

best she could to make wise choices, leaving bad, abusive man

behind. Her mother is well portrayed and the woman that her

first husband gets married to is interesting. Her parents also

come into the story line, making a unique impact on the kids’

lives, too.

 

When the movie opens, the boy Mason is lying in a yard with green

grass under him and a brilliant blue sky above him. The song which

starts this out is Coldplay’s song, “Yellow.” It is really perfect and

sets the tone for the movie viewer. The soundtrack includes many

famous musicians.  I would like to entice you by sharing some of

their names here. As mentioned, original music is introduced in the

movie, too. (Ethan Hawke wrote several songs, one the family all sing.)

Lady Gaga sings two songs, “LoveGame” and “Telephone.” Bob Dylan’s

song is. “Beyond the Horizon.” The Black Keys, Gotye, Foo Fighters,

Kings of Leon, the Beatles and Mason’s father’s (Ethan Hawke’s)

interpretation of their split up. I would like to see his own rendition

of the way the Beatles’ solo careers should be put into one album.

 

“Crazy” sung by Gnarls Barkley is a fantastic song. Had not heard

this version before. “Deep Blue,” sung by Arcade Fire band, with Ken

Butler and William Butler being part of the group of musicians and

lyricists who wrote the final song played during the credits was

outstanding.

 

I rewound the final song, with some tears going down my face. It is

a touching story, with all the traits of true storytelling genius. The

way Richard Linklater and his whole crew, team and actors worked

together on this made this an impressive movie. I took note even

the first song being called, “Yellow” and the last song, “Deep Blue,”

seemed like they handled the details perfectly.

 

The 87th Academy Awards Ceremony will be on tonight. Neil

Patrick Harris will be the host. If you watch television, you

have seen the ‘hype’ for many of the films. I have seen almost

all of the ones in the best picture, actor and actress categories.

If you wish to see my reviews or summaries, I have written of

“The Theory of Everything,” “The Imitation Game,” “Selma,”

“Big Hero 6,” “Gone Girl” and “Unbroken.”

 

I shall be watching it, along with the pre-show Red Carpet on,

“E!” channel.

 

Will you be watching?

If so, do you have your any favorites?

 

 

 

 

An International Love Story: Shanika and Anthony

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Just in time for the week leading up until Valentine’s

Day, Shanika and her husband are sharing their love

story. It began while they were interns at a Cleveland

hospital.

They were ‘study buddies’ and took many different late

night ‘breaks’ from the challenge of learning their

physiology, molecular biology and medical training.

They had ‘all nighters’ and clinicals to struggle

through, depending on each other, learning how to work

together as a ‘team.’

Shanika had come from Sri Lanka, while Anthony had

come from the Philippines. His background, parentage

consisted of Filipino-Chinese. Once they shared their

private conversations for a few years of being close

friends, they knew their commonality in the Roman

Catholic church and beliefs. They also knew both their

families held education and traditions as important

values.

They had good friends that also shared these close

values and philosophies. When they would gather to

celebrate good grades or a successful step in their

futures, they always produced a meal that combined

their different cultures. It sounded like a feast

to me!

When Anthony asked Shanika to marry, he had already

met her father and mother. He had travelled with her

to her ‘homeland’ and made the decision on their next

trip there to ask her father for her hand in marriage.

What a lovely tradition and this is sometimes the case

in American weddings, a focus in romantic comedies, too.

They had started to, unconsciously, show preferences

for some of their favorite foods from each of their

families’ recipes.

The couple had also begun to have premarital counseling

with their priest, who would guide them in expressing

their feelings more easily and helping to choose what

were going to be priorities in their home life and

future family. Both Shanika and Anthony agree that

they hope someday to have children.

Melding the two cultures and the varied customs,

meant so much to this couple!

When Shanika’s father ‘gave his blessing,’ they were

much relieved to be over that hurdle!

When their two best friends and marital role models

accepted the role of being their ‘sponsors,’ they were

relieved and thrilled!

International weddings are even more important to have

understanding of each other’s familial and cultural

backgrounds.

Whenever they attended a wedding together in the past

two years, they came home and started to make lists

of what they had taken part in, as guests. They would

discuss and agree which parts of the ceremony and

reception they enjoyed and meant more to them, too.

Both Shanika and Anthony are very considerate and

almost self-effacing people. If you ever met them,

you would not necessarily guess they were both

doctors!

They were told, in their premarital counseling, that

part of searching their backgrounds would help them

discover what would become part of their own personal

traditions.

While some of us may want as a future bride to have:

“Something new, something old, something borrowed,

something blue.”

One important part of the bride’s wardrobe was her

wedding dress reflected her mother’s own choice of a

white sari. This is traditional of Sri Lankan heritage.

Anthony felt an American tuxedo, like the many movie

stars and actors wear, was his desire for ‘appropriate

attire.’ He chose a black tuxedo, a white vest and tie.

They made compromises on the menu but Anthony wanted

to ensure that his family would be pleased, thus the

appetizers included ’empanadas’ served at the reception.

Their eyes and souls were filled with a lovely vision,

while attending an Eastern wedding. They both knew one

element of the ceremony would ‘have to be part of their

own’ wedding!

When they saw the centuries old tradition of something

called, “Cord and Veil Ceremony.” There was excitement

when this caught them, helping the planning to all fall

into place, after that serendipitous attendance of a

close friend’s wedding.

To explain this, while the couple hold hands and are

on their knees in front of the Priest or Father who

is leading the marriage ceremony, the sponsors place

a long, sheer, intricately designed rectangular veil

across the shoulders of both the bride and groom.

This custom is to represent or symbolize, “Purity.”

Then, once the pronouncement of their vows and the

priest has nearly completed the service, they have

a cord, it can be white silk, that is placed over

their heads, this connects them and it signifies

their “New Bond.”

Having gone through the many steps to reach this

special moment, the beauty in the presentation of

this couple was captured on film. Their silhouettes

of their backs on their knees, with the veil across

both their shoulders and the cord loosely laid

around both their necks shows a different kind of

wedding photograph. I could say it compared to

ones where the couple are on their knees up at

the altar, being blessed by their minister or

their priest.

I studied their photograph, their faces looking at

each other, adoringly, and I believe this marriage

will last.

I know their families, coworkers, patients and their

two sponsors will hold them in their prayers.

I think all the ‘work’ it took to get the complete

ceremony, with their giving and taking, their choosing

special parts, and debating which parts to include and

dismiss became a great beginning to how to overcome any

future challenges. They have created the foundation of

a lifelong partnership and their bond of marriage seems

strong.

When the couple entered the reception, they were treated

to Sri Lankan dancers. They were also led into a pathway

to their table, where there were little tea candles.

These candles, flickering and shining, led their way to

the special places they were to sit for the reception

meal.

I imagine this, more than have seen it. I have only

seen the one photograph, taken by a friend of the

family’s.

It is that of the traditional cord and veil positions

of Shanika and Anthony, heads turned towards each other,

their shoulders together, their hearts intertwined in

love.

It could almost bring tears to my eyes, as if they

had been my own children.

Wouldn’t this make a great fairy tale ending?