Category Archives: juggler of women

Silence

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There are so many times that everyone should indulge in the

serenity of silence. The moments that mean the most can be

conducted in silence. Praise and worship is a fine and beautiful

example. Another time it means so much to share silence is

when you are running to greet someone you have not seen

for quite awhile. I have felt speechless, watching couples and

families reuniting at the airport. I then, spying my youngest

daughter, feel that squeeze of the heart, those tears starting

to burst forward when I spy her across the crowd.

That soundless, but so special, moment, hugging and holding

your loved one cannot be matched with a lot of chatter and

needless words.

When you look deeply into someone’s eyes, words are rarely

needed. The look that a new mother has while studying and

closely gazing into her newborn baby’s fluttering eyes is

wordless. That moment can  be equally matched by the father

seeing his baby and holding that precious bundle.

When do you feel the most like having a wordless period of time?

Here is a wonderful quote from Mother Theresa:

“God is the friend of silence.

See how nature, trees, flowers, grass grows in silence;

See how the stars, moon and the sun, how  they

move in silence.

We need silence to be able to touch souls.”

I felt the need to be tranquil last night, I turned my cell

phone to muted. I decided to not read, not look at my blog

nor watch the television. I was alone for about an hour. I

was lying on the floor looking at the ceiling and trying to free

my mind from all my thoughts that kept trying to push their

way into my quiet time. They were invading my privacy with

assailing me with thoughts!

There is another side of silence that I would like to plunge

into. Sometimes, those negative thoughts start to creep in,

invading your peaceful moments, and suddenly taking away

the joy that you need to nourish your brain and your rested,

relaxed body.

Silence has not worked with the one who hurt me more than

twice. Not replying to emails, having blocked his cell phone,

and not breaking down and reciprocating the emails. None of

this have worked. Silence. No replies at all: not working!

My grandmother (mother’s mother) used the “silent treatment”

on her husband, my dear grandpa. He would be puzzled, he

would ignore the silence, and she would conduct daily activities

around the silence. She would break into the silence to ask one of

her two daughters, “Amelia, tell your father it’s dinner time.” My

mother also would be brought into the “conspiracy” and asked to

tell her Dad that he needed to ‘stop by the store after work to pick

up milk for the family.’

My mother told me sometimes days would pass before something

would “break the silence” between her parents!

I don’t want to “break the silence.” But, if I did, I would not be using

the rant I wrote about rather living in a zoo with the monkeys. No,

my serious thoughts in silence form sentences that are more likely

to be powerful.  Maybe, if possible, it would stop the person who

wants to invade my life. He wants to try to continue to irritate while

“staying friends.”

Here is my piece or my peace, depending on the interpretation of

the words that follow:

“Out of over 250 days together passed in close range and filled with

possible moments to cherish, only five to seven days were you ever

fully engaged. There were only less than a week’s worth of days’

time that you were thinking of us, every moment, spent together.”

“You were only “fully mine” and we were completely both happy

for that short period of time. The endless calls, the daily constant

contact with your other female friends was never-ending. There

were not many days that you would ignore their calls.”

I would like to take those golden, splendid days, that I used to take

out as a goal, as the HOPE that kept me going, burning themselves

into my memory bank and throw them out. I want to stop dusting

them off and holding them up for scrutiny, reveling in their brightness.

I think that I would like to have them fade away, I would like them to

get old and tattered like a piece of old newspaper with announcements

that did not last. They should fade fast into darkness and turn black

soon.

I carried the “hurt” heart (and those feelings) for so long that I need to

let them go, as I pray and hope you will let me go. I need to make lots

of room for Joy!”

Contacting him and saying these words would keep the door open, I am

afraid. So, I need to write these words, print them up and read them

until I believe them and then, burn them. And slam that door in my

brain shut and lock it, then throw away the key!