As a great radio storyteller, Paul Harvey, always said, there are
always more to stories and that is how he would break to the
last commercial during each airing of his daily show. He would
come back and tell the listeners about the “rest of the story.”
I am going to shock and amaze you with the rest of the story
about the “new guy.” I feel bad, but must tell you that a couple
of personal friends, including Anna, say that I need to finish this
story. I did not “break up” with him over surface issues. I did not
choose to leave and not continue our friendship due to small
I liked his mother, his fun style of dating but when it comes down
to the “nitty gritty” of adult encounters and relationships you need
to talk frankly about your sexual preferences.
So, from here on out, this post is rated “R” and may have a few
moments of humor but also some precautions and warnings to
those who follow me and want the “truth” about dating. I would
hardly be giving the story correctly without finishing the last part.
I was so excited about dating and a physical relationship that I
wrote the post, “Sudden Preoccupation with Sex.”
I knew the possibility of vaginal dryness may come up so I bought
some lubricant and also, condoms that would be compatible with
them. You need to check the labels on both products, or some lubes
counteract and take away your “protection from STD’s.”
Just because a woman is a red blooded female, and wants “romance”
doesn’t mean she is anything (some bad words come to mind…) but
normal. Just want all those women (and men) who wish for their
physical contact to continue searching for a good, nice partner with
all of your interests aligned, AND go over verbally what you visualize
those encounters in the bedroom will include. Also, don’t be shy!
This is very important advice. I am remiss if I don’t include this in my
story, although, some may have quit reading by now!
Not all of you need this advice, you are in healthy and monogamous
relationships, either married or living together.
Or you have chosen a wilder side, and that is your preference, too.
Or you have chosen to live with abstinence, a great choice, in this
very dangerous adult sexual world!
When someone says, “Let’s just see where this takes us,” this is
being honest. I agree, not everyone can predict the outcome to
Nothing comes with a guarantee!
There was a 70’s expression, I heard it in college,
“Bad sex is better than no sex.”
Today, I would say, “No! That is not true! Don’t compromise your
integrity by having one night stands!”
My opinion, remember, but this is not someone else’s blog. You
have to depend on my telling you, straight from my heart to
Intimacy of the mind is so valuable. Respect, caring, love, and yes,
you may include lots of FUN in the mix!
I happen to like lots of kissing, which may lead someone in their
teens to think,
“Let’s get it on!” (I can hear his song playing, as I write, Marvin
Gaye, thank you for your sexy song! )
And Barry White I love that song, “You (Sexy Thing)” among both
your repertoires; a lot of romance has been going on for years!
I happen to wear nice clothes, with push up bras and hose on
dates, again, does this mean that I want sex all the time, no
While with the new guy, somehow I maneuvered the conversation
to positions, preferences and feelings. This was only one month into
it and had thought earlier on,
“Oh, we can wait for three months or more.”
I was starting to feel the “pressure” from the new guy. Lots of sexual
comments about my appearance, his “being horny” on texts, and
some direct contact, too.
I asked, bluntly, while driving in the car on our way home from a nice
date where I wore a black dress with turquoise and green waves on
it, satin scooped neckline and hemming, black hose and short patent
leather heels with silver buckles on them. He wore a “Bernie Kosar for
President” t shirt and nice jeans. It was Steve Dakota’s Grille steakhouse,
so casual wear was more the norm. After all, we were in Marion, Ohio.
He kept going on how “sexy” I looked and I am appreciative of all
compliments and our friendly banter. I was relaxed and in a car,
not directly looking at each other sometimes is a good way to tackle
those sometimes hard to talk about subjects. I asked,
“How far did you think we would be going tonight?”
“All the way, we have waited long enough.”
“I am getting closer to that point but I had some problems in
my last relationship due to his preferences. Can we talk about
positions, what we like, what is off limits?”
He shrugged, seemed a little nonplussed,
“Nothing should be off limits except I don’t like anal sex.”
I agreed with that one!
Also, he added his favorite positions. Both of them did not
involve face to face contact. And, weirdly enough, one included
that position that was in my sudden preoccupation post, the
dreaded “wheelbarrow” one. Where my friend got a crick in
her neck! The other I would include but never in the beginning
nor in a close, cuddly way.
I guess I am more of the face to face, kissing, leading and getting
to the other places later, kind of girl!
People have told me I am “candid,” “forthright,” and informative.
I hope you see I am not trying to “gross you out” but telling this
is getting to where I realized I needed to include in our exit, last
time together visit.
While I told him my thoughts, he was nodding and agreeing. He
was understanding my directions and yet, not getting upset with
my candor. He was going to make sure I was “pleased first” he
When we got to his apartment, I washed up, brushed my teeth
and we were going to watch an Eagles concert dvd. I thought that
all sounded nice.
I put my leftover steak dinner in the take home box in his fridge.
I had decided, after our initial talk in the car, to stop and get my
favorite morning treats, maple long johns and french vanilla creamer
to add to our coffees.
I had my accoutrements needed for our intimate time in my purse,
so I was “good to go.” Always come prepared for action!
I also mentioned that I was okay with waiting, stretching out the
anticipation of the special moments and just having some good
“make out sessions.” He was not so keen on that, saw his frown
and I let that go.
Once we had been home for awhile we did proceed to my area of
interest, but as time went by, something odd happened, he started
piling sofa pillows on the floor and saying he was going to have me
kneel on these.
Huh? That was not the way we had discussed my preferences. Then,
he switched that he would use these while I turned around, etc.
Again, no that is not the way I visualized.
With a burst of tears, I gave up. I did not want this anymore. I was
“not feeling it” anymore.
This was not how I pictured it, I was feeling rushed, confused, and
conflicted. The person that I met, went to two movies, met his mother,
he met my mother, my brother, and two of my children at the wine bar
was doing something that my last boyfriend did.
He was ‘acting like he agreed with my thoughts and preferences’ but
not following through with them.
Then, an angry man faced me, all 6’4″ or so, that I had misled him,
the tears and concerns of my feelings were “selfish” and more of this,
as I grabbed my black sweater, hose, and shoes.
I felt a little breathless, realizing that I had a difficult position to get
out of. I have to say, to finish the truth of it all, I used his mother to
make the man shrink. I said, “How would you have liked your mother
to been treated? She was a single mother of four children when she
met your Dad, do you think she was going to have to get down on
cushions or have a non face to face first time with him?”
While doing this, make sure you fully believe this is not a serial rapist
nor a murderer. I do know they have “Mommy issues!” This could
trigger the final switch in your safe exiting.
As he stormed down the hallway to “take care of himself in the
bathroom” I left.
I have to say, calling my oldest daughter I was trembling with some
relief and fear mixed in. I could have been easily overpowered or
When she answered, her calm voice was enough to get me crying
again, as I pulled over to talk. I told her the whole story and she was
reassuring, did not judge me and my choices. She is so funny, her
first line was,
“Mom! I went to art college! You cannot ever shock me!”
(She attended Columbus College of Art and Design, lots of nude
models, crazy college roommates and friends… now a mother of two
boys, her boyfriend/partner there, too.)
Her comforting words after she heard the whole story, reassuring
me that I did “the right thing for you, Mom.” Getting the details was
not upsetting to her, she got a few more I would rather not include
but were also within the realm of my overall story.
My daughter told me something that may or may not be true, but
she believes that men who like it this way, are “Alpha males” and want
to “establish their dominance right from the ‘get go.'”
I did not ask if she had experienced any of this, but it seemed logical.
I am going to try and not seek athletes, especially ones who seem
to still be acting like they are “frat boys” or juvenile in their first
It was fun to date a younger man, some may be quite sensitive so
not ruling them out, in the future!
The words I would tell anyone, are as follows,
“Make sure you are both on the same page. Don’t think you are
going to change his viewpoint midway through it. If he says he
likes no face to face or less of that then you need and want,
realize his first words are the ones to listen to, not the ones after
you have stated your preferences. Same goes for men.”
I have since talked openly to my friend, Bill, who has had a few
struggles getting where he wants with his younger woman, Heather,
his Starbucks’ younger girlfriend. Her first thoughts were threesomes,
my staid, steadyand calm man, never wants those. Did not back down.
No one should pressure you into anything!