Category Archives: meet ups

Going for Brighter Colors & Changes

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I complimented the librarian in the computer area today.

She has a habit of wearing blacks, browns and grays.

There have been occasionally some varying tones in her

clothing choices, with an addition of little bits of color.

Having talked to her often, observed her grading high

school papers, and knowing she is a volunteer after

teaching all day, I was thrilled to see more color in

her attire today.

The woman looked up from her work, giving me a brilliant

smile. She informed me that her husband had encouraged her

to ‘change up’ her color palette in her wardrobe. She added

this personal detail- she was working on waiting to lose a

certain amount of weight, before buying her new sized,

Spring and Summer clothes.

I mentioned to her that was an excellent reward system

she had going on! I gently suggested to just buy a few

scarves or tops, showing that she had listened to her

husband. Just in case she thought I was being too ‘pushy,’

or opinionated, I added, “It is always nice to have their

‘permission to spend money on ourselves.'”

Then, it was an even more intimate moment we shared. We

both smiled like we had shared an ‘inside joke’ or secret.

I took my seat and then, decided to let all of you out

there, men, women and young people who may be following

my blog in on the secret! Try out a different style,

new color or add patterns to your clothes…

Spice up your wardrobe!

It is fun to pass on a good idea and since some live

on a simpler, tighter budget, like myself, go on over

to your local resale shop or thrift store to rejuvenate

your ‘look!’

As a way to create conversation, my brother, Randy the

artist painted on a white linen jacket, billowing aqua,

turquoise and creamy-colored clouds for an art gallery

opening, held in California. He is one who looks quite

dapper, although his FB page is not so great, he has lost

weight and cut his hair, so he also needs to ‘change up!’

When I thought about my last years of teaching, I had

a rainbow of colors every day reflected in my clothing.

My other brother, the professor, loves it when I buy

him ‘cool’ ties. He likes school related theme ties,

along with ones that just have music, art or jazz

up his ‘look.’ Trying something new is good for all

of us, both sexes, wherever we work or go out and

about in society. It may just create a little magic

for you and your special person, or attract someone

who has not noticed you before.

At my current job, I tend to wear those dismal colors

of black, gray, brown and an occasional dark blue. This

had been my mode of operandi to prevent damage and stains

that are impossible to get out of my work clothes. It is a

dirty place; lots of times I look like ‘Pigpen’ from the

Charles Schulz comic strip, “Peanuts!”

Wouldn’t it be nice to just go ahead and wear some

colorful patterns that are more exciting looking to my

current workplace?

I mean, less drab… Maybe this would encourage others to

‘cross over to the sunny side of the street.’ I definitely

feel the need to get out of my rut!

I read a book recently on relationships written by Sara

Eckel. It was called, “It’s Not You: 27 (Wrong) Reasons

You’re Single,” (208 pages) If you are thinking about the

current dating scene, if you have someone you know who is,

or if you just are curious about the newer way things are

going out in a different facet of society…

Check this book out! It is a funny, interesting and

enlightening guidebook for the newly single people out

there, for ones who wonder,

“Why on Earth was it so easy back when I dated the last

time? And now, it is nearly impossible!”

The author approaches the subject in a very positive

manner, where she insists it is not you being anyone

that is repelling the opposite sex away. She thinks it

is just you haven’t met the right person yet!

I have paraphrased the following section, in my own

words, with my personal ‘slant’ added:

One of the myths that she ‘de-bunks’ is for example,

1. “You are too needy.”

No. that is not why you haven’t attracted someone to you.

Another one is,

2. “You are unrealistic.”

No, if is okay to have goals, choices and favorite attributes

(and values) in mind when you are seeking to find another

person to possibly spend the rest of your life with.

This one I have heard before,

3. “You are too picky.”

This was something someone said to me recently. That

comment really ‘got under my ‘craw,’ I will tell you!

I think that having been married three times, I should

know what works, what didn’t and hopefully, once and for

all, I should make plans and lists and actually, use them!

I need to understand what are the characteristics I am

looking for and then, not ‘sway’ too much from the

outline. Nice people don’t mean they are good matches.

Not just fall for the next guy who buys me dinner!

The author’s great question addresses why have we become

a society where we assign blame for being particular and

trying to make good choices?

Here are Sara Eckel’s own words on the subject:

“We’re a nation that believes strongly in personal efficacy–

if there’s something in your life that isn’t working quite

the way you’d like, then the problem must begin and end

with you.”

The myths include how we view ourselves through other’s

eyes, instead of relying on our own common sense.

Here are two more myths, to share with you.

4. “You’re too intimidating.”

5. “You should have married that guy.”

Don’t listen to the ones who tend to place the blame

on you. Make sure that you surround yourself with

supportive people who are cheering for you and wish

that you will find someone to be your partner or

close friend of the opposite sex. The important thing

to remember isn’t,

“Why are you still single?”

but “Why are near strangers so often compelled to

comment or demand answers.” I wish to add, sometimes

family members and your best friends may be part of

the naysayers. You need to develop a positive attitude

where you can deflect their comments and act like you

are doing ‘just fine’ without the negative opinions.

Hope this helps everyone in some aspect of their life.

I highly recommend this ‘no nonsense’ book and trying

out a new way of doing something. Hair style, clothing

style or the way you walk, with your confidence showing,

shoulders back and a broad smile to carry you and others

through their days.

One step forward, three steps back…

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I think some readers may be interested in how things are going with

Steve. He is the man I met at a Powell, Ohio church meet up. We had

a great trip down to Old Man’s Cave and spent much of the trip, hiking

and eating with filling in all kinds of lively conversation.

We had some nice, quiet moments on our trip back home. It seemed

a good sign of possibilities. I had some sweet fellow bloggers saying

the same thing. They saw a hopeful situation!

I did not mention that I blog, nor do I think he would think about

checking the wordpress blogging world. So, it is not my telling some

of the personal details about our first date that is holding this up!

I have to tell you that we see each other every Monday evening. We

chat over cookies and coffee. I listen when he participates in the book

discussion group. If there are any open questions that don’t directly

refer to the book, my friend Anna and I will speak up. She is very much

open and outspoken on religious topics. She has firm and set ideas on

the subject. She is a Baptist or a Christian that is serious about the way

to get to Heaven. She is one of those people (no offense, please!) that

ask people, “Are you saved?” She did not lose a husband to divorce but

to cancer.

I, on the other hand, try to tamp down my open-mindedness and stick

with the group. You may say: ‘you are not being yourself.’ But I am a reader

of the Bible just not always thinking that the Old Testament is as valuable

a resource as the New Testament. I also try to stay open to other religions,

faiths and beliefs. I go with the thought, “How big is your God?”

Mine encompasses and embraces differences in thought and beliefs. After

all, He created us in His image, brain and soul.

I was taught this from early on. My father was an Episcopalian, my mother

was a Methodist, my grandpa (that I recently blogged about in a cardinal

post) was an agnostic.  My grandma was a Catholic. My other grandparents

were not active in any faith nor did they express any opinions on this, that

I know of.

Steve seems to have stepped back from the idea of dating. We had so much

fun that there was no way to foresee this! I am hoping it has nothing to do

with me! But, let’s face it, I am a worrier, an analyzer and this is going to

be hard. I am going to end up blaming myself. Not sure what I can pinpoint

for the guilt, but I will somehow find it.

My Dad used to say two things about me to others, “Robin is an old soul.”

He would say directly to me, “You would convict yourself in a court of law

with that guilty conscience!”

I will continue to hope, just by being me, that Steve may call or act upon an

impulse to see me outside of the church meet ups on Mondays. I always go

home from work and  clean up. I make a concerted effort to choose a nice,

tasteful and bright colored sweater and pants. I try to wear either khakis,

corduroys, or dress slacks. I will wear a dress when the weather warms up.

Not to be the least bit vain or self centered, but I feel I have no competition in

the outer looks department at the meetings, so I now need to make sure my

inner self shines and is beautiful to Steve.

Long and winding road

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It was a long and winding road to Old Man’s Cave last

Saturday. I was looking forward to the conversation with

the newest nice man that I met at a meet up.

I was also, to be truthful, a little intimidated with the amount

of time which was going to pass while we drove the miles to

Logan County. Along the way, we stopped for a lunch in a

small town at a quaint little cafe. Some might call it a Mom and

Pop place because it was family owned. The guests who were

at tables seemed like they were familiar with the owners and

servers. It was nice and cozy. We talked about families, some

dating history and some of our interests. We also covered our

favorite musicians, movies and our career paths.

Steve has 2 grown children, one who has made him a grandfather

and one who is like my youngest, in a career while pursuing further

education. His son lives with him, my daughter lives with me. We

talked about how it was so different and a little ‘easier’ to get an

education and your feet firmly planted on the ground, moving in the

career track back in the 80’s. I had my first teaching job at age 23 after

only subbing for six months at county schools around Bowling Green,

Ohio. He was in a manager position at a company that is no longer

located in Central Ohio. He is now scrambling again, looking for the

third time for a career start. I could relate to the setbacks, including

divorces.

Steve and I enjoyed the walk on the rocky paths around Old Man’s

Cave. We stopped at Cunkle’s Hollow and the Rock House to see the

sights. We stopped as we were passing through Lancaster, Ohio, to

get donuts and coffee at my old favorite haunt, Jolly Pirate Donuts. I

told him that two of my three children were born in the Lancaster

Fairfield County Hospital. My oldest friends, Nancy and Mike, live

there still and were there to see my second and third child on their

birth days.

We had some silence as we drove back home, from the active day of

walking around while it was crowded on the paths. We also felt that

there had been a lot of common threads in our lives. Some had gotten

unraveled but we had survived the wear and tear. Now, for the time

being, we will digest all the information, use our time away to search

through and sift it. I look forward to another time to get to know Steve

better.

Meet Ups are Fun!

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The first meet up I went to was directly because of another blogger,

Marcella Rousseau. She suggested several that were up in Cleveland,

Ohio while I was up visiting my Mom. I did not follow through on

those for a couple of reasons, mostly because it was a holiday, another

because I want to meet a man closer to my current home, and lastly,

because I was very busy with my Mom! We had such fun, snowed in,

watching movies, eating all kinds of goodies, and going to my brother

and sister in law’s house, seeing my other brother there, too.

I came home, back to work and was talking at lunch with my friend, Anna,

who is a widow. She has met men online, out and about, with me, without

me, while she has not had a longterm relationship for about 2 years. We

spent the year before I got online dating, looking around the central Ohio

area, at festivals, musical events, social happenings and let’s face it, bars,

pubs, and taverns!

Anna agreed to go with me to some meet ups. We tried, so far, in January

a church function meet up and a movie fan meet up.

We enjoyed the coffee and cookies at the church event. We did not think

we were interested in the manual that they would read a chapter in at

home and the following week discuss the chapter in a book called “Divorce

Cares.” We took the calendar of upcoming events and talked to the ‘secretary’

and a few members, then we went on over to a local watering hole to discuss

our first impressions.

We agreed that this was not our ‘cup of tea,’ at least as this church singles’

meet up was run. We were open to a more social, church-related meet up.

The difficult part of the movie event was that it met about 45 minutes away

and then the group went to a movie. This was held on a weeknight, so after the

movie, the members or guests all go to a social place, sometimes a restaurant,

coffee house or bar. There they discuss the just shown movie and this can

mean a lively discussion. We found ourselves, unfortunately by the time the

movie was over, yawning and very sleepy. We enjoyed the movie and discussed

it between the TWO of us on our way home.

Zero men met at either place!

Back to square one and we will try a different meet up… one of these days!