Category Archives: Meryl Streep

Dressing Up

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When children are little, you remember this, they love to be someone

else. They may play “Daddy” by simply wearing his shoes, clumping

around in them, or put his old, discarded tie or scarf on. They may

play “Princess,” by wearing a crown and a ballerina ‘tutu’ skirt.

 

The best part about children’s dress up clothes is that they are able to

use their imagination. A white coat or vest becomes the wardrobe of

a ‘doctor’ or ‘nurse.’ A fringed vest makes them a cowboy or cowgirl.

The  way  children love to try on different  hats and  come up with

their own choice of profession is amusing. Sometimes, my kids or

grandkids are ‘proper ladies’ while they also can be rowdy clowns

in the very same hats. The aprons I have can transform them into

a ‘chef’ or a ‘butler.’

 

Taking off his shirt, my grandson, Micah feels he is ready to ‘wash

dishes.’  He cracked me up this weekend, by telling me his ‘other’

grandmother”Mimi,” paid him ten dollars for cleaning the toilet.

I told him I would pay him one dollar if he did the dishes after he

helped make pancakes. He followed this comment with a big grin

and said,

“That’s a real deal, isn’t it, for you?”

 

As I was watching the S.A.G. Awards, (Screen Actors’ Guild),  I was

picturing the times when I would get ‘gussied up’ in my childhood.

I also imagined those lovely dresses the women were wearing ‘on

loan’ for me to try on and play ‘dress up,’ once again.

 

 

The Red Carpet is always a fun place in my mind to be. Here are

some of the people who looked ravishing or handsome last night.

 

In the  male category, there are only a few who I noted any kind

of unusual or fancy tuxedos.

~The Men~

1. Matthew McConaughey wore a azure blue tux with black tie

and pants. He had a nice look about him, although I am not as

crazy about his beard. He may be getting ready for another film,

but his beard was scraggly. And not like the ‘5 o’clock shadow’

stubble, which famous actors seem to gravitate towards, maybe

to look ‘more masculine?’ Not sure why this style is so popular.

Matthew  was looking more healthy than last year, when he lost

a lot of weight to look like an AIDs victim in, “Dallas Buyers Club.”

 

2. The British Eddie Redmayne looked outstanding.  He was

wearing a traditional tuxedo, but his boyish good looks in such

contrast to the role he had portrayed for his award nomination,

Stephen Hawking. At the awards ceremony, his hair was nicely

styled combed back with a few strands coming forward.

(In the movie, “Theory of Everything”he wore his glasses off-kilter,

his hair not cut well, and of course, his posture was sometimes so

crooked, he looked like he might fall out of his wheelchair.)

*Eddie Redmayne WON the Best Male Actor in a Movie, 2015.

 

3. Michael Keaton, who wore his hair so closely shaved he

almost looked ‘bald.’ I am sure the military haircut was part of

his dressy attire. The tuxedo had a black velvet collar, which

matched his black velvet bow tie. He was very friendly with a

big smile, which made him more attractive in this event.

(He was nominated for his performance in “Birdman.”)

*The movie WON for Best Cast in a Movie.

This is the equivalent to “Best Picture of the Year.”

 

4. Kevin Costner looked handsome but his wife was his best

‘accessory.’ He also was wearing black sunglasses. She had

on a beautiful scarlet dress with half sleeves and her blonde

hair was flowing down her shoulders.

She said she loved his movie, “Black or White.” He told the

interviewer he felt one of his legal speeches in the movie

was reminiscent to the one in “Inherit the Wind.” If so, this

would be a great reason for his movie to be nominated next

year for the 2016 film awards.

 

I usually choose brightly dressed women, but there are a

couple of fabulous white dresses to note also.

~The Women~

1. Keira Knightley was simply gorgeous in her deep purple

dress, showing her ‘baby bump’ when the camera caught her

facing sideways. But the layers of the lacy, plum dress actually

hid her form when she was standing ‘straight on.’ as she

presented an award.

(Nominated for movie: “The Imitation Game.”)

 

2. Viola Davis was stunning in her beautiful white dress which

accented her shapely figure with a ‘throw back’ style of a halter

dress. She looked thinner in this dress than any other gowns I

have seen her in this season. She had a short, styled ‘fro, which is

the shortened way of saying she wore an ‘Afro.’  This hairstyle

went perfectly with the 70’s style of her dress.

*Viola Davis WON for the television drama,  “How to Get Away

with Murder.”

 

 

3. Felicity Jones wore a beautiful pastel pink dress that criss-

crossed across her shoulders. It looked like an Audrey Hepburn

styled dress, while her dark hair was pulled back and up. She

was lovely in this and she held herself well, very mature in her

appearance. (She played Stephen Hawking’s first wife and was

nominated for this role in “Theory of Everything.”)

 

4. Reese Witherspoon was wearing white with her hair slicked

back into a pony tail. The hair was okay but her dress was very

classic and elegant. She created a lovely ‘demure’ look with this

white dress. (She was nominated for her role in  “Wild,” which

she was almost the only character and in every scene.)

 

5. Uzo Aduba wore a brilliant yellow dress with some designs on

it which made her look very pretty. She is a medium sized woman

who can also look masculine, while wearing her ‘prison garb’ on

the show, “Orange is the New Black.”She looked radiant the whole

evening.

*Uzo Aduba WON for her Best Actress in Comedy Television Series.

She was exuberant.

 

6. Julianne Moore, with her auburn colored hair and her gorgeous

green dress looked like a young Irish lassie. Her emerald dress was

shimmery and almost like a mermaid in its appearance.

(The movie Julianne Moore was nominated for was in a recent post,

“Still Alice.”)

*Julianne Moore WON Best Actress in a Movie.

 

7. Julianna Margulies wore a blue dress which was beautiful and

she looked regal. Her choice of wearing her hair pulled back

accentuated the dress, but I prefer her thick hair down.  My

favorite time she appeared on an awards show this season was

when she was the one to give George Clooney his “Lifetime

Achievement Award,” which made me smile. Did you ever watch

those two as a couple when he was a doctor; she a nurse on “E.R?”

The award was given at the 2015 Golden Globes.

(Julianna Margulies has been nominated for her role in “The Good

Wife” and won before.)

 

8. One of my favorite funny women, Julia Louis-Dreyfuss, wore

such a fabulous black, long-sleeved lacy dress. The sheerness of

the black lace and her long, curly hair style looked captivating.

I felt the black lace dress seemed ‘vintage’ and liked the way

it looked on her.

(Last year, she was nominated for her role in the late James

Gandolfini movie, “Enough Said.”)

 

During the television program of the SAG Awards, there was a

preview commercial for a movie with live actors and actresses

in a new version of, “Cinderella.” After watching all the fancy

dresses and tuxedos, I was wishing I could head on out to see

this upcoming movie.

 

I have always enjoyed both the Disney animated version of,

“Cinderella.” Along with the various movies which have done

a ‘take’ on the idea of a mean stepmother and two self-centered

stepsisters.

 

“Bippity boppity boo.”

See you in my dreams, pretty Cinderella!

 

 

 

Movie Opinions Vary

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It all comes down to trusting the reviewer, I feel. So, I am going to tell you about

several movies I was discouraged about, disinterested in or would not recommend

to a friend. I used to really like getting Siskel and Ebert’s annual movie review books.

My father knew how I liked to study and read about current movies, along with

looking up older ones, too. This was a guaranteed Christmas book for several years

in a row, along with a few others from my parents. I still have “S & E’s” final review

compilation from the last year they were both alive together.

 

I wish I could ask them what they think about, “Gone Girl.”

 

I went to see the movie last night that had been given ‘rave reviews.’ Which is why

I started this post using the suggestion either you have come to know me and would

believe me.  Or you may wish to still try one of these movies. They are not all from

2014, but no endings or many surprises will be revealed.  I feel knowing some of the

facts still won’t necessitate my having to give you a *Spoiler Alert.*

 

My youngest daughter and I went to see the movie, “Gone Girl.” We paid an exorbitant

amount of $9.75 each for this. I could not wait until it came to our local Strand Theatre

which is showing two family shows and one that I am not familiar with. On the “CBS

Sunday Morning Show,” yesterday they featured the author, Gillian Flynn, along with

Ben Affleck and the director, David Fincher. The author emphasized she would still

continue writing but felt this was her ‘shining moment.’ She was enthusiastic with her

having her book on the Best Seller List since 2012. Ms. Flynn was pleased  with the

excellent director and outstanding cast following her  script/screenplay. It was exciting

to listen to her confidence. It is always nice when someone’s life falls into place. It gives

every writer hope for their own being well-received. She had other books do well, but

this movie is something she felt possibly would be her “best” book in her entire life.

I started getting  ‘pumped up’ for later that evening.

 

I left the library and waited until my youngest daughter called, since she had gone

into Martini’s Restaurant to work. Knowing if it were ‘slow,’ she would be ‘cut from

the floor.’ (Server slang for being sent home with lack of tables to wait on.)

 

We met in the middle, she driving from east side of Columbus, my heading south

from Delaware. I expected the snacks to be priced high, so I put a candy bar and a

bag of Smart Pop, Cheddar Cheese flavored, in my purse. I NEVER do this to the

local movie theater. I don’t feel any twinges of conscience for this action at the Rave

Cineplex. We did not make the matinee show, which would have been only $5.

We started chattering, as we ‘hit the ladies’ room’ before entering the theater. Then we

watched a slew of advertisements for television shows on the big screen. We saw several

good promotions for Diet Coke and movies that were coming soon. We did not see any

trailers for the next two on our October list, (“The Judge” and “The Best of Me.”)

 

I will say that as we left “Gone Girl,” someone told us it was exactly like the book. If you

loved or liked the book, go ahead and watch this movie. If you did not read the book nor

know the plot, I recommend you stop, look it up, and think about how you want to feel

after you leave the theater. We both, (Felicia is 28 years old and I am 58), felt it was

depressing, had no redeeming value nor were any of the three main characters ones

we cared about.  Yes, that includes Ben Affleck!   We liked the character of the female

police officer in charge of the investigation of the missing woman, we also got teary-

eyed, because there is a very nice sister of Ben Affleck’s character.

 

We compared this to the overwhelmingly sad and horrible feelings we felt when we

finished the movie, “Prisoners.” Again, that movie had great actors and actresses, Hugh

Jackman and Terrence Howard included.  If you enjoyed that particular movie, then

you may enjoy this one. (But I will wonder if you would please tell us WHY you liked it?

in the comments’ section.)

 

Another movie we had watched, so excited because of the leading male actors and the

(again) positive reviews was Leonardo DiCaprio’s movie, “The Wolf of  Wall Street.”

We were so thankful we picked that out of the Redbox, which cost only $1 plus tax.

We watched the beginning, really liking the characters, including the inept one, Jonah

Hill, who is usually funny. By the middle of this long, seedy, and terrible movie with

excessive (but not amusing) debauchery happening, we resorted to fast-forwarding

it to the end.  You really would not be exaggerating if you said you needed to take a

shower afterwards. We hoped to find some redeeming value. If you know the true story

behind this one, you will know there is a slightly ‘good’ ending.

 

It was NOTHING like the pleasant plot with some amoral acts, but mainly fun pranks

while major laws were being broken in, “Catch Me If You Can.” In “The Wolf of Wall Street”

movie, laws are broken, which isn’t what upset us. My youngest daughter and I hated the

fact Leonardo DiCaprio’s character claims, while narrating scenes, when he saw his future

wife, he said he fell in love with her and would treasure her always. His character and

Jonah Hill’s character both went overboard on drugs and prostitutes. (All of this was

included in the advertisements or movie trailers, but we had hoped it would be BEFORE

he got married and had a child with the woman  he claimed was ‘the love of his life.’)

 

I am not going to be a fan who recommends, “Saving Mr. Banks,” either. The title is

misleading, the age group I would suggest seeing this is far higher than 10-12 year

olds. It is like “Bambi,” with its ‘out of the blue’ death and attempted suicide scenes.

It is a forced movie, with wonderful acting by Emma Thompson playing P.L. Travers

and Tom Hanks, as Walt Disney. The scenes of P.L. Travers’ childhood are immensely

tragic. You wonder what kept her going through her life, motivating her to write such

great books. My favorite character is the chauffeur played by Paul Giamatti. I think my

fellow blogger, “Belsbror,” mentioned this months ago, taking his daughter to it and

getting up to leave before it ended.

 

I watched the awful “August: Osage County” movie on Friday, having been on a long

library ‘wait list.’ Again, like “Saving Mr. Banks” and “The Wolf on Wall Street,” this

was nominated for Academy Awards for Julia Roberts and Meryl Streep, along with

“Best Picture of the Year.” If you enjoy Tennessee Williams’ plays and movies, some

which have been entertaining but very dramatic and highly emotional, then you are

in for a ‘treat.’ This was the style of the writing by Tracy Letts, who won a Pulitzer

Prize in 2008 for the book. Otherwise, I guess I had hoped it would be like a country

edition of “On Golden Pond.” That movie had dramatic performances but I actually

liked a couple of the crotchety characters. I did not relate or like ANY of the main

characters, especially disliked Meryl Streep’s character, who has cancer. I felt the

audience should at least feel sympathetic towards her (but I didn’t). My favorite

character was the unassuming Native American, played by Missy Upham, who is

hired to be the family’s housekeeper. In a mean comment, during the course of

the movie, Meryl Streep’s character calls her an “Injun.”

 

I may have to tell you in this conclusion, that I am not a fan of the “Twilight” movies,

along with the “Hunger Games” books or movies. My good friend, Diane S. and I

got up and left during the premiere of the first “Hunger Games.” She had a daughter,

at the time, ‘stuck’ in Africa for almost 4 years. She had been trying to adopt a boy

who she had fallen in love with as a baby, when she was a volunteer there. When the

12 year old African American character gets shot by another young person, in the

first movie, Diane burst into tears. I have never seen it nor the other ones since then.

It is a shame, since I do like the main character’s actress, Jennifer Lawrence. I would

highly recommend you see her in the complex but funny movie, “Silver Linings Playlist.”

or the dark and realistic movie she is in called, “Winter’s Bone.” Also, she does well in

the Oscar nominated movie, “American Hustle.”

 

It makes me think of the melancholy song, “If You Don’t Know Me By Now,” sung by

Harold Melvin and the Blue Notes in 1972. (More recently performed by the group,

“Simply Red,” in 2009.) You know some of my opinions but we may have to agree

to disagree, on some of my negative reviews of some ‘popular’ movies. If you wish to

give your opinions, I do embrace freedom of speech and do not like censorship.

Please let us know about any or all of the above movies, which I could not find any

redeeming qualities. I am discouraged by this discovery, believe me!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The 66th Emmy Award Show predictions

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Maya Angelou described her life’s dreams but could have been summarizing the

66th Emmy Awards Show tonight in this quotation:

“My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive:

And to do so with some passion, some compassion,

some humor and some style.”

The Emmy Award Show will be hosted tonight, 8/25/14, by comedian, Seth Myers.

We can hope his sense of humor and wacky ideas of comedy will be just the right

combination to deliver some silliness and ‘zingers’ at the prestigious audience, too.

If Myers somehow waylays those winning envelopes and chooses his “alma mater,”

the “Saturday Night Live” show will win best variety show.  There are many who

are already missing the “SNL” outstanding announcer, Don Pardo, (who recently

passed away and the show could get the ‘sympathy’ votes.) Otherwise, the Emmy

for comedy/variety show will probably go to Jimmy Fallon, Jimmy Kimmel or

another traditional talk show.

I enjoy the drama, the flair, the gowns and tuxedos, along with the speeches for

the  ‘Best’ of television each year.  I have some predictions and hopefully, a little

something for everyone to consider.

While you may not watch the show~ you will hear about it tomorrow! Let’s say in

the break room, at the water cooler, or on the actual ‘news’ shows, where they feature

entertainment and popular culture as, “newsworthy.”

 

Nora Ephron is an author and screenwriter, one who has had several of her books

made into comedies. After they appeared on the movie screen, you may catch them

on television.  Some of my favorites are: “Sleepless in Seattle,” “You’ve Got Mail,”

“Julie and Julia,” and the serious and incredibly well written, “Silkwood.” This was

with dramatic performances by Cher and Meryl Streep.

 

Here is a quotation that suits the Emmy Awards night and our own lives, too.

Written by Nora Ephron:

“Above all, be the heroine of your life,

Not the victim.”

 

There is the Dramatic category for television shows, which I predict Matthew

McConaughey will win this, since his life is “on a roll” this year. He has already

collected the Academy Award and the Golden Globe Award for, “Dallas Buyer’s

Club.” Now, with his unique twist of acting he gave to the character in the t.v.

show called, “True Detective.” he may win the 2014 Emmy Award for Drama.

Woody Harrelson’s partner detective role, may win instead. We will see. . .

 

Who do I wish would win the dramatic male lead?  Jeremy Pivens, who has

played on PBS’s  show, “Mr. Selfridge” for three seasons. This period piece is

about a department  store owner, along with his family and his employees’ lives.

The setting begins in 1908 England and has advanced three years past this.

This is the upscale place to shop, with its lavish displays and Victorian gowns.

The store has much to view,  everything so ornately beautiful that you may let

your mind wander off the subject matter. A serious accusation of an affiliation

with Germany was the season ‘cliff hanger.’ With the store and all the employees

possibly facing financial ruin, setbacks, letting go employees  or closure of the

department store impending.

 

Who do I wish would win the dramatic female lead?

I would like to see the character, Sarah, played by Jorja Fox, win from “C.S.I.”

I like the whole cast of the “old” Las Vegas, “C.S.I.” with Ted Danson as one of

the “new” lead characters presently. They still have “Sarah’s” character, from the

original cast, understatedly played by Jorja Fox. I happen to like “Sarah’s” flaws

and her unique idiosyncracies. She was the one who ‘won,’ my favorite “past”

male lead’s heart, William Peterson, who played “Grissom.” Occasionally, we hear

about him,  via his “wife, Sarah’s” character. (“Grissom” has been investigating

entomology, the study of bugs, in foreign lands.) I miss William Peterson, but like

Ted Danson’s straight forward approach and will always like Marg Helgenberger.

She has won the Emmy before, not sure if Jorja has. . .

 

While there are many comedies who are ‘repeat winners,’ like “Modern Family,”

“Big Bang Theory,” “Mike and Molly,” and others come to mind, I like to think

that one of the “New Kids on the Block,” may win again. At the Golden Globes,

Brooklyn 9-9″ was nominated and won.  I like, “The Middle,” “The Mindy Kaling

Show,” and the silly alien show, “The Neighbors.”

 

Who will win the Best Comedic Role? I believe a ‘nod’ to Robin Williams will be

for his performance on the show, “The Crazy Ones,” to win. I agree, the cast and

guest stars were brilliant. The lines were delivered impeccably and timed with

enough space to laugh out loud at them. The shows with famous people included

Brad Garrett, from “Everybody Loves Raymond.” I liked the episode with Josh

Groban, who was hired to make up a song for Australia. While he was visiting, it

turns out he had dated “Sydney,” who is Robin William’s character’s daughter.

“Sydney” was the one who had broken up with this ex-boyfriend.  Josh Groban,

a singer/songwriter, is still “love sick.” His silly song for “Sydney” works out, after

all,  with the Australian campaign. The baby ducklings’ episode and the coffee

roasting company horror episode were among my favorite shows. The first one,

even has an assistant wiping the little baby duck’s behinds, as per Robin William’s

character’s wishes. The huge coffee pot display, set out in the middle of a busy city

square tipped over, on a windy day. The hot coffee, which had seemed like a ‘good

idea at the time,’ for advertising, was made into a scary black and white horror

commercial. This was hilarious; just perfect for their coffee advertising campaign.

Mistakes made into genius decisions. . . Reminds me of the “Dick Van Dyke Show!”

 

It is too soon to have the character who plays a doctor in “Rush,” to win an Emmy

Award, but I highly recommend watching this quirky, self-absorbed character.

I was watching a triple episode DVD of  “Sugartown,” a British comedy show (2011),

and had to pause to study the man who is in this mini-series, as the brother who

wants to close down “Burrs” candy factory.  Yes, Tom Ellis, is the leading male

character in “Rush.” He was a womanizer in “Sugartown” in England. Now, he is

playing a similar kind of man, as a doctor with high end clientele, in Los Angeles,

California.

Since the series, “Rush,” just kicked off on July 17, 2014, you may not even know

about this show on ABC.

 

I hope the Emmy’s will be full of fun and excitement.  I hope it will entertain the

people who enjoy awards ceremonies. I like to see the way people accept their

awards. I enjoy the way the show features the best moments in television from

mid-year, 2013 until mid-year, 2014. The Emmy may still go to “Breaking Bad,”

due to the inclusion of this other part of the year. In this case, you will see

Bryan Cranston taking the best dramatic role, instead of Matthew McConaughey.

 

Who can forget Sally Fields exclaiming, ” You really like me!”?  This was when the

known television series actress of “The Flying Nun” and “Gidget,” won an Academy

Award for her supremely well done acting in the movie, “Norma Rae.” Of course,

she has also won an Emmy for her “Sybil” television role and been nominated as

President Lincoln’s wife, Mary Todd, in the movie, “Lincoln.”

 

I live for those award ceremony moments of surprise and humility.

 

Will you be watching this or Monday Night Football?

If neither of these, what are your plans tonight?

Many at work were talking about the Bengals playing. . .

 

 

 

 

 

Grown-Ups Here

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We are all “grown ups” here, I hope! I realize there are occasional young

people that are part of the blogging community that may wander in and

read one of my posts. There are ones who are as young as high school or

college who may stop by. I believe anyone who is logged into wordpress

or have their own blog are able to hear about a wide variety of subject

matters, or make the choice to ‘move on.’ I also think everyone should

read other posts, just in case the first one is just not your ‘cup of tea.’

Today, I am not trying to ‘start something,’ nor wishing to add too much

controversy in your lives. I don’t wish to shake you up or create drama

that you aren’t interested in.

I am hoping for a conversation about relationships.

The working relationship between the characters of Boothe and Temperance,

in the television series, “Bones,” had a great quotation that I will try to paraphrase

to give its essence:

(Boothe to Bones)

“Our perceptions are always colored by what we want to believe and hope for.”

I will share just some recent things that have caused me to ‘draw conclusions’

on the subject of couples.

Everyone has read or seen the subject, “Signs You Need to Break-up,” on the

television, in articles and on talk shows. Dr. Oz, Dr. Phil, Judge Judy, all have

their opinions and judgments.

I always hope you (my friends and family) will know and make that choice on

your own.

There are times, though, that you may feel as a good friend or family member,

that you have a right to express your opinion. You are my ‘family’ of sorts and

I wish to share reasons I would ‘give up’ rather than ‘fight’ to stay in a rocky

relationship.

You sometimes know, instinctively, when you have heard a person tell you about

someone who seems a little bit “off” or “wrong” for that friend.

Here are some strange and real examples observed or told to me by friends.  .  .

When You Know Things Are Going Wrong or

When You Need to Dis-Connect:

1. Calling one of the members of your ‘couple’ (spouse/partner) “Selfish.”

This is something that I could not believe someone said recently around me.

In this case, I would need to find out why that person was being considered

‘selfish’ and tend to think the one who is ‘name-calling,’ may not be meeting

that other person’s needs.

2. Using derogatory comments, with possible swear words, in a group or

family setting.

In this time, I was at a play area, where the person said this to the other one,

in a loud voice, while children were playing near by.

This would be, truly, a cause for leaving someone. Sorry, I don’t play around

with ‘maybe’s!!’

3. When you walk into a home, where the people are not great-grandparents,

and there are two Lazy-Boy’s, side by side, with an end table in between.

I am wondering how long have these people been living on parallel chairs,

with no bodies touching?

4. One participant in a relationship, who is not open for any counseling nor

discussions about improvements. There is a big, final door shutting on this

couple, I hear about at work.

5. Shorter version, not open to friendly (not nagging) suggestions and gets

hurt and insulted ‘easily’ by the other member in the couple.

6. One excuse after another, even when there is no financial nor scheduling

challenges, for having a ‘date night’ and time away from children.

7. One excuse after another, for months on end, with no physical or emotional

reasons behind these excuses, (unfounded excuses) for refusing any kind of

intimacy.

I would recommend the frank and explicit film, “The Sessions.” Our library has

it, it is about a man who is a parapalegic who has sexual healing sessions with a

physical intimacy counselor, played by Helen Hunt. It is very touching, I cried. I

felt that someone who is fully capable of having romance, will realize that it is a

gift to be able to do so.

This was brought up in a painfully honest, step by step movie, on how to get the

‘spark’ back into your marriage, in “Hope Springs.” It is not, in any way, funny.

But so honest and brutally true of some couples with their lives on hold, for

whatever reason. (Tommy Lee Jones, Meryl Streep and Steve Carrell, in a

serious role as a counselor.)

8. In a shorter version of #6 and #7, one person ‘putting distance’ into a

relationship. There is something wrong, this needs to be fixed before it is

irreparably repaired or broken.

9. No ‘big’ secrets kept between members of a family.

10. There is an uneven distribution of ‘power’ or ‘control’ in the couple.

This can be quite upsetting, when you see one or both covering up this

but other times, the truth slips out. Control and abuse are both forgivable

situations for separation or divorce, in my mind.

(Not going to worry about the Bible, since there are not any passages to

support this. It is okay to leave if your partner leaves ‘first’ and you don’t

need to follow. This is the only example of infidelity being a reason for

leaving, that the Bible addresses. No words about if the person is being

abused, emotionally or physically.)

They fester, rot and eventually tear apart the foundation of trust and love.

There are many ways to have a wonderful relationship and it is no one’s

business but the two of you, unless it is a confidential, impartial member of

the clergy, physician, counselor, psychiatrist, psychologist or member of the

medical field.

My friend, Melvin, is not embarrassed to talk about how his girlfriend has

undergone different surgeries, outcomes of having cancer in her internal

‘private’ areas. He doesn’t broadcast them, but when she had a colostomy

bag, due to her having colon cancer, she and he dealt with this. When she

had an ileostomy, due to having something go seriously wrong with her

urinary tract, they managed to get through this, too. She has improved her

health, taken steps to have both chemo and radiation, so now the “stoma’s”

are the only physical remainders of her having both urine and fecal ‘bags.’

Melvin once confided in me, that he and his girlfriend have found ‘ways

around the different complications’ to ‘express their love for each other.’

After 15 years together, that is wonderful and admirable, that they realized

that they still needed to feel physically connected.

We have had a few comments back and forth, last summer when I brought

up that I was contemplating intimacy with a man I had dated for over a month.

I was hesitant, I gave a few humorous examples of how three women plus

myself had told on our more embarrassing parts of ‘growing older.’ That post,

with different stimulants, varied physical challenges ended with one of the

women sharing a strange and uncomfortable position. Anyway, hope that it

is okay to tell you that I agree with Melvin.

There should be ‘no limits’ to the ways you would engage in closeness, with

another person. As long as Both Parties are comfortable and agree. If there

are parts that are not satisfying, then being open to changing the parts but

adding something else to enhance the happy feelings and connectedness

one feels while engaged in romantic activities. When there are physical

challenges, “there are always alternatives for both parties involved,” my

friend Melvin shared with me.

After we talked out in the parking lot, Melvin asked me if I felt like we

should not have ‘stepped into this area of discussion,’ being friends and

coworkers. I felt very blessed and happy by knowing them. Melvin’s girl

friend and he were able to overcome their obstacles, working like a ‘team.’

I told him I had high hopes to have someone who treated me with the

same respect and consideration that the two of them expressed for

each other. They were ‘blessed’ for this union of lives together. I am so

happy that Melvin kept with Diane, despite these physical challenges.

Melvin then reminded me Diane no longer has them, since they hung

on, through it. He said,

“We may be not married, but we treat our feelings like ‘vows,’ and the

one about ‘for better or worse,’ continues to apply to us.”

 

I ended the ‘personal space’ dialogue by saying,

“Of all the things my parents talked about and what I learned from their

own personal lives, sex is not the weirdest topic covered!”

He burst out laughing and we got into our own separate cars. Happy to

have an open-minded friend to share some personal moments with, once

in awhile.