Bill and I had our monthly get together today, just a day later
than usual “First Friday.” We both had other commitments, he
with his Heather and me, with my new guy, Lenny. I suppose
some would wonder why two old friends would insist on the
routine of meeting, sharing and analyzing life, love and our
Why would we still need to be this close, continue forging on
into our older age? We have known each other’s children for
years, got to know each other again, through my youngest
daughter (first story about Bill was “The Man Who Knew My
Daughter First”). This shared history is important and two old
girlfriends would need no explanation of “why” we need to get
together. But there are no words to explain how we feel when
we are together. We attempt from time to time to explain to
whomever we are talking to, Bill calls me “my rock.” I call him
“my peace of mind.”
I can go farther on the subject. Bill “gets me” and I can be myself,
flaws, problems and “pimples.” I guess that can happen to friends
but there are times that I have heard that two people who dated
and spent as many miles on the road in four years “have to” be
more than friends. “Have to” be sexually attracted and drawn
We may have had that fling or feeling, but we chose friendship to
be the mainstay of our relationship; the foundation we built this
on cannot be knocked down by jealousy.
So, to accomodate others, we are not eating dinner during evening
hours. We are not going to go out, with me wearing a dress or he
with his nicer clothes to Red Lobster, Ruby Tuesday or Applebee’s.
We stopped and got a coffee, discussing where we would be going
to have a good talk and possible walk.
We chose to go to Monnett Gardens and the Blue Limestone Park
bench. We have found that to be a special calming place for us to
gaze at the water, the fishermen, the children playing across at the
playground and to reminisce, unwind and sort out our thoughts.
I would like to refer to a poem that is written by a person named
Wind Walker, who is from the “Glamorum Clan.”
“A Spiritual Journey
Across the mountains
A little house sits in the trees
I’m lost in tranquility
As my soul tries to breathe…”
(several more stanzas and here is the close)
“Alone in the sunset
I watch it go down,
When I finally realize
what peace I have found.”
No one can be more zen-like than Bill. His philosophical discussions
have been the best I have ever had, outdoors in freezing cold
weather, with a fire blazing, the deer leaning behind the woodpile
maybe listening in, snorting with steam coming out of their noses.
We have seen many a sunrise, the quiet skies lightening, the chirps
of birds beginning and then the chorus and cacophony of their
voices raised in unison to greet the day. We have wondered at their
enthusiasm and wondered if there were a God?
All of this means to me, that I cannot nor could Bill, give up our deep
and close bond. It is more than love, it is brother and sisterhood. It
is not a base emotion, it is spiritual.
We were not meant to be as lovers nor as boyfriend or girlfriend. We
are meant to be sharers of the meaning of Life.
This is something that two researchers discovered and wrote a paper
about, calling this “Attention Restorative Theory” or A R T. (Not to be
misconstrued or mistaken for art, which is also very therapeutic!)
In this theory:
“Being in a tranquil or ‘restorative’ environment allows individuals to
take respite from the periods of sustained direct attention that
characterize modern living.” (Kaplan and Kaplan)
“The Experience of Nature,” New York: Cambridge University Press.
Tranquility benefits our soul.