Category Archives: Phyllis Dilller

Humorous Nonsense

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Here are a few senior ‘jokes’ which are sure to tickle someone’s ‘fancy,’ or possibly

your ‘funny bone,’ at least!

 

1. “Yesterday my daughter asked why I didn’t do something useful with my time.

She suggested I go down to the senior center and hang out with the people.

I did this and when I got home last night, I told her I had joined a Parachute Club.

 

She said, ‘Are you nuts? You’re almost 60 and you’re going to start jumping out

of airplanes?'”

I proudly showed her that I even got a membership card.

 

She exclaimed loudly and profusely, ‘For heaven’s sake, where are your glasses?

This is a membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club!'”

 

I am kind of in trouble now, I don’t know what to do.

I signed up for “Five Jumps a Week!”

 

Life, as a senior citizen is not getting any easier!”

 

2. Here are a collection of One Liners written and often delivered by

Phyllis Diller:

 

~ “Most children threaten at times to run away from home.

This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.”

 

~ “Burt Reynolds once asked me out.

I was in his hospital room.”

 

~ “Robert Redford once asked me out.

I was in his house.”

 

~ “Aim high, and you won’t shoot your foot off.”

 

~ “Any time 3 New York men get into a cab without

an argument,

a Bank has just been robbed.”

 

~ “I am eighteen years behind in my ironing.”

 

~ “We spend the first 12 months of a child’s life,

teaching them to walk and talk,

Then the next 17 years or more, we spend telling

them to sit down and be quiet!”

 

~ “What I don’t like about Christmas Office Parties,

is having to look for a job during the holidays the

day after…

 

When Joan Rivers died, I immediately thought about the ones who came before her,

like Mae West. And then, when I found these funny thoughts and quips by Phyllis

Diller, I could not stop thinking of her wacky looking self and her irritating voice,

both which added to her persona and held audiences while she cracked them up!

Phyllis Diller was born in Lima, Ohio in 1917 and lived to 2012. What a long and

productive life she led. She certainly went ‘far’ in the world of comedy. There wre

reports she ‘died with a smile on her face.’

Laughter is like the Fountain of Youth,  dip into it as often as you can!

Some of her insults about her husband may have sounded cruel, but she meant

them to be humorous. Poor Fang!

 

And. . . here’s another for the road.

 

“I have been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about

‘short and cheap?’

That’s pure Phyllis for you, razor sharp wit.