I laughed at this story joke my Mom sent me, especially since
she almost received a traffic ticket in the last months she lived
‘independently’ in Vermilion, Ohio. I hope this will give you a
chuckle or bring a smile to your face. . . since you are always on
my mind. . .
By the way, it is not Wednesday for some of us, but it may be
for you. . .
“Five Elderly Women” or “Five Old Ladies”
Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding
drivers, a Police Officer saw a car puttering along at 22 MPH
or KPH. (Some of you use kilometers and others, miles per
He said to himself,
“That driver is just as dangerous as a speeding driver!”
So, he turned on his siren and red flashing lights and
pulled the driver over.
Approaching the car, he noticed that there were five
ladies in the car. Two in the front seat and three in
the back. All were wearing their seat belts.
He also noticed that the ones who were passengers
were all ‘wide-eyed’ and ‘white as ghosts.’
The driver, obviously confused said to him,
“Officer, I don’t understand why I was pulled over!
I was doing exactly the speed limit. What seems to
be the problem?”
“Ma’am,” the policeman replied, “You were not going
too fast. I am not pulling you over for speeding today.
But you know driving slower than the speed limit can
also be a danger to other drivers.”
“Slower than the speed limit? No sir! I was doing the
speed limit exactly.
Twenty-two kilometers an hour!” The older woman
said a little bit proudly.
The police officer, trying to contain a tickle in his throat,
maintaining composure said,
“Ma’am, the highway is number 22 not the speed limit.”
A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the
officer for pointing out her error.
“But before I let you go, Ma’am, I have to ask, is everyone
in this car O.K.?
These women, your friends seem awfully shaken up. They
haven’t made a peep this whole entire time,” the officer
The lady driver spoke up for her friends,
“Oh, they will be all right in a minute officer. We just got
off of Highway 189.”
My Mom’s story is not quite as ‘cute’ as this one, but she
had decided to go on a ‘midnight run’ in her car to the
local Drug Mart in Vermilion, Ohio. If you go down a side
street from her home, you run into a perpendicular street
which you turn one more time and it is a ‘straight’ shot
to get there. She liked to go get Coca Cola and sometimes,
it was for pens, white-out or ice cream. One never knew
what she would be shopping for as she drove such late
She told me she had her dog, Nicki. Her patient dog of
now 14 years has black hair with some gray hairs, along
with white fur around her mouth and paws. She is a good
cute little dog, of the shih-tzu breed. My Mom let her sit
on her lap, since she felt most people would not be out
(When she told this to me the first time, I had to suppress
my laughter, just like the Police Officer in the story!)
Anyway, the straight main road goes up and over a bridge
(over a railroad track.)
So she went up the hill at 35 mph. but came down it going
45 mph. The police like to lurk at the bottom of the hill,
for unsuspecting people who may be from out of town.
Also, since this is not too far from a couple of local bars.
Mom used to ‘remember’ this particular cop and would
go even slower than 35 mph. Her memory was starting
to fade, by this time.
Like the woman in the above humorous story, she had
an innocent look on her face, I assume. My Mom is one
of the best ‘pretenders’ of things. She has received a few
different things just in the three years she has lived in
the Senior Living Apartments. For example by saying,
“I am out of such and such,” when she doesn’t get up
early enough to ‘catch’ the bus to take her shopping.
Mom would end up having an apartment neighbor or
a diner at her evening meal, come by and bring her
The last time I was there over the holidays, she boldly
told the woman who is the activities director, “I never
got balloons for my birthday.” (It was December, but
the woman gave her a bouquet of them. Her birthday
was in November.)
I have to add, if I can get away with this, someday in the
distant future, if I am wily enough I will ‘aim for’ free
cupcakes and frosted cookies.
She told me the police man ‘ran her plates’ and found she
‘had not had any kind of accident nor speeding ticket in
the amount of time or history given for such experiences.’
When asked if she drove with her dog on her lap all the
time, my Mom honestly responded, “Only after midnight
when no one can see her on my lap.”
He let her go with a ‘warning.’
Unfortunately, within a month of this occurrence she had
an accident and hit her head in the bathtub, which made
my brothers take her to the hospital, worried about her
thinking processes. She also had been ‘bouncing’ checks,
losing track of which days she should wait for her deposits.
There were a number of concerns by her neighbors and
we all agreed, winters alone especially on Lake Erie are
just not ‘safe’ for Mom anymore.
When we would go anywhere, once we moved her to a
safer environment, Mom would produce her driver’s
license and say,
“They may take my car and home away but I still
have this to show I can drive until next year!”
Do you have a favorite ‘oldies’ joke?
I like ones about ‘senior moments’ especially, but also
enjoy ones about children and animal jokes.
Another direction of comments may go to something
that happened with one of your parents which made
you laugh out loud.
Feel free to spread the smiles around. . .