Category Archives: “War of the Roses”

The Way We Were


I cannot help but refer to that movie and that song.

First of all, I love the characters, the acting and the

time period. Barbra Streisand and Robert Redford are

very good in that movie and the song gives me chills

along with tears.

There are lots of reasons why the words are so poignant

and true to life, but mostly because every good and new

relationship holds so much promise and hope. Those

emotions are universal, turn the volume off, look at any

nation in the world’s love stories and they are always

going to  have similar elements. Some regret and some

wistfulness when the couple break up and don’t make it.

This theme will be repeated from now until kingdom come,

due to love’s mysterious and complicated meaning, most of us

want to know how it works, how can we make it work, is it really

possible, etc. It is carried out in a variety of genres including some

comedies and tragedies alike.

What happens between the time when 2 people meet, fall in

love and everything seems so new and fresh to the time when they

are ready to kill each other?  (The movie, “War of the Roses” is supposed

to be a comedy or a ‘dramedy,’ but it is almost dreadfully, painfully true to

life, or at least in your imagination of divorce.) If you are part of the fifty

percent that are in a good marriage what do you attribute it to? I frequently

ask people how did you know? How did it feel? Do you really think we put on a

different face or act a different way, then we finally relax and become worse

to the loved person than to our friends or even, enemies?

Do all people change and become different that are

divorced/broken up? Is it all a hoax or a game or?

I cannot understand how some people know fairly early that it is love

and are very successful in their relationship or marriage for many years.

I happened to recently call it all a “potshot.” I think that

some partners seem so different right from the beginning yet they

can survive and then others so close, (all their shared values, goals

and dreams lined up) and still don’t make it.

Sometimes when I am dating a divorced man or someone

coming out of a long term relationship, I ask them why it didn’t

work out. This is a bold and somewhat chancy move, daring to annoy

the man. Yet it is hanging there, I have to kind of tread lightly on that

tough question, “what happened to your marriage (relationship?)

In the end, the answer may not still give you a clue to why it ended because

we all carry around our pat answers to tough questions. We all have our own

version of reality. The one we can live with…